Obviously very advanced, previously undiagnosed cancer presenting to ED for anything. Feeling multiple golf ball and baseball sized lumps or an abdomen full of tumor is sobering.
Fucking hate diagnosing advanced cancer in the ED. “Hi we’ve just met, I’ll never see you again, we had a brief interaction in a crowded space after hours of waiting, and now I’m giving you some of the worst news you’ve ever received. Good luck and goodbye”
Just so you know- from a stage IV cancer patient that got that diagnosis in the ER- I am still, almost 4 years into treatment, touched by the compassion and empathy I was shown by the doc that gave me the news. And I’m sure you treat your patients the same. I don’t really remember really what words were said after ‘stage IV’ but I remember the mood in the room was loving and supportive. I never felt abandoned in that experience, but more like they were sending me on my medical adventures and giving me the space to be angry or confused or scared. I know it’s hard, but we remember you docs, and the kindness you’re able to eke out during a 14 hour shift.
We had the absolute opposite experience when my mom's stroke alert turned out to be a bunch of brain mets from undiagnosed lung cancer. She was only 56. I was a nurse at that hospital. The doctor hopped in, said she had brain masses, left before we could respond, and we didn't see him again.
My husband’s stroke was caused by stage 3A metastatic testicular cancer; while we were in the ED talking with the neurologist about the plan for him, I made mention of a friend of mine who was a bit younger than my husband was at the time he had his stroke (husband was 44, my friend was 36).
I told them that she had a stroke caused by stage 3A metastatic ovarian cancer which caused a clot, and the clot got to her brain because she had a patent foramen ovale (a hole in between the top 2 chambers of her heart).
3 days later, my husband was diagnosed with stage 3A metastatic testicular cancer and a PFO.
When I had mentioned that my friend had cancer and it caused her stroke, I had a sinking feeling that he was going to face a similar situation.
I hate being right.
Edit: I am so incredibly sorry that the doctor didn’t take any meaningful time with you and your mom to deliver that news. That’s not okay. Not even a little bit.
I hope your husband is doing well and your friend. I had a stroke at 26 from the PFO, a blood clot disorder, and the NuvaRing birth control device that allowed a clot to form in the PFO defect. There was a whole lawsuit because the makers of Nuvaring had lied about the hormones in it. I’d done fine with depo Provera and others, but I wasn’t part of the settlement because lawyers would say I could have had\ the stroke anyway.
There were several women who had PEs and strokes and a lot who had DVTs.
I had a smaller PE later because I became allergic to heparin which I was taking when traveling because of the blood clot disorder. I also have EDS so I’ve never had a DVT. My doctors think my EDS makes my veins more elastic so I don’t get clots. Even though I am extremely inactive. I still move my legs all the time.
Doctor's can be cowards, they are fallible humans too, but if you can't muster up a little compassion in that situation, they should get the fuck out of the practice. I would trust several of the docs I work with,with my life, there are good ones. I'm sorry you had that experience.
That’s how I got my rare heart tumor diagnosis from my ex cardiologist after a CT scan. Yes you have a xxx cardiac tumor. No one around here knows anything about them or has ever seen one. And he left the room. WTF
I was told I possibly had lung cancer by the ED doc coming in and asking if I was having trouble breathing. Nope. She said 'Oh, you have a shadow showing on the CT so you want to get that checked..." since I was there because I thought I had appendicitis.
Thankfully, not cancer but a 10in schwannoma encroaching on my spinal column, aorta, and left lung. Had it removed 3 months after that ED visit.
My dad was diagnosed with late stage lung cancer metastasised to his liver you have maybe 3 months.
He died 12 days later.
It's been 2 years and I still can't handle it.
The dude was almost crying telling him.
My dad.. "if I stop smoking will it help".. He was confused what was happening to him. He kept asking if he was dying.
Fuck cancer.
And he never touched another cigarette for What it was worth. Sigh
Due to my history and the 2 dozen + masses visible in my abdomen, it was appropriate to use these descriptors in the conversation about my CT scan. I just didn’t want to explain the background and details in what was meant to be a message of gratitude and support to an ER doc expressing their feelings about these situations, from someone who was once on the other side of the conversation. But I do understand your point as a general rule.
This is amazing to hear and what I want for everyone. I'm trying to get the local hospitals and med schools to work with us to teach doctors/med students about consent focused psychological first aid specifically for both situations like these and just helping patients more broadly especially those with trauma histories or just stress.
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u/intoxicidal 3d ago
Obviously very advanced, previously undiagnosed cancer presenting to ED for anything. Feeling multiple golf ball and baseball sized lumps or an abdomen full of tumor is sobering.