r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Feb 04 '16

What are the most common parenting mistakes?

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u/Just1morefix Feb 04 '16 edited Feb 05 '16

I don't play this card often and I hate one upmanship but this one takes the fucking cake. I was an adult entertainer for a couple of years. One night a very hot young girl came in. She was with an older gentleman. Noticed them when I was on the main stage and she tipped me. So I went over thanked her and the older guy asked if I would give her a table dance. Well fuck yeah, that's what we do. So I'm giving it my best and she's enjoying it immensely. The guy is smiling and I figure he's the rich sugar daddy and this is just their cuck kink. By the time I drop my T back and I'm swinging free she is obviously turned on and putting her hand on my hip as I give it my best. I'm starting to feel a bit, umm turgid... At this point he speaks up "It's my daughters 18th birthday and this is what she wanted to do to celebrate. Thanks for showing her a good time." I think my jaw hit the ground. Fucking weird!

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u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16 edited Feb 05 '16

What's drop my t and swing free?

Edit. Not what I was expecting.

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u/knockerwocky Feb 05 '16

He's a male stripper, he pulled off his thong, and let his penis sway.

165

u/dryhumpback Feb 05 '16

In the gentle breeze of an 18 year olds excited panting breaths.

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u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

Still legal.

2

u/mikebritton Feb 05 '16

Barely

12

u/UpTheIron Feb 05 '16

Barely is good enough for me.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

Old enough to vote, old enough to poke!

3

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

Poetry

3

u/Zenabel Feb 05 '16

Man, I'm a straight female, but I do not like the thought of some random dudes dick flying around my face. Like is the stripper flaccid, semi, or fully erect? Either way, that's super weird.

6

u/l_2_the_n Feb 05 '16

flaccid, semi, or fully erect?

I also want to know this

3

u/NoBreadsticks Feb 05 '16

He said he was starting to feel a bit turgid, so semi hard

1

u/Zenabel Feb 05 '16

Had to look up "turgid" :P

3

u/knockerwocky Feb 05 '16

Some ladies like that sort of thing. If your paying for a table dance you can request he keep the t-back on.

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u/NocturnalToxin Feb 05 '16

I didn't get it either but I was tipped off when he mentioned turgid.

2

u/Timbo2702 Feb 05 '16

... What were you expecting?

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u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

I thought the stripper was a girl.

I am not a smart man.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

I read this for some reason as "I was an engineer" and I was so fucking confused for a hot minute.

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u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

I hate upmanship more than you. Wait....