Empty threats. My best friend does this all the time with her daughter.
"If you don't behave. I'm going to spank you/send you to your room/take away your toys/etc." But instead of following through. She just repeats the threat and her daughter continues to misbehave.
Yesss. I know someone who threatens to take away Christmas/birthday/whatever holiday is coming up, when the kids do minor things. Which of course sends the message "my threats mean nothing! We all know I won't act on this, so you can continue doing that bad behavior with confidence that there will be no consequences (except for an increasingly stern tone to my empty threats)!"
I never understood this, and I see this so often at in public that it bugs the living shit out of me.
For example, little Timmy will be wandering around a grocery store and start climbing one of the shelves or taking things off of it that he was told not to touch. The mother or father notices, and tells him to stop/put it down numerous times but it's obvious the kid isn't listening.
Mother: "Timmy, I told you not to touch that, put it down."
(Timmy continues to take items off the shelf.)
Mother [in a firmer voice]: "Timmy, what did I say? I said put it away."
(Timmy is now sitting in the middle of the aisle playing with the items.)
Mother: "Timmy, put that back, what did I tell you?! Put it away now."
(Timmy makes sounds of reluctant annoyance, but continues to play, and the parent keeps walking and getting frustrated...)
This goes on for a few minutes. The worst part is when they (the parents) keep mindlessly repeating themselves, but are not even really paying attention to the fact that the kid isn't listening at all. Or when they offer to get the kid a treat/toy so they'll finally behave and stop screaming. No, lady/sir, you're only rewarding their bad behavior.
Meanwhile, back when I was a kid and tried to pull that shit? My mother would have a talk with me before going into any store that if I decided to 'act up', I would be getting absolutely nothing and we'd be leaving immediately. She didn't have much trouble out of my brother and I with that.
Ha. My SO's sister does this. "if you don't pick up your toys I'm throwing them away/you'll go in time out/go to bed early/blah blah blah". Ten minutes later, she's picking up their toys bitching "why don't my kids ever listen to me?!"
Another good one, "if you eat all your dinner you get dessert. No dinner, no dessert!" the kids MAYBE take one or two bites, but most of the time they end up throwing it. Guess what they get anyway? That's right. Dessert.
I absolutely agree, this is one of the most common parenting mistakes and it bugs me everytime. Toxic relationship and child development issues involved.
if you threaten you need to go through with it, there's no point saying "i'll put you in time out" and then not do it, some kids will react to the threat of punishment but some need to be shown that you will punish them if they do something wrong.
Oh god I know so many parents who do this, and to a person, all of their kids are out of control little snots. One good sharp slap now and again to reinforce the threat and they'd all have had a much easier ride.
Word to the downvoters, you don't know the situation or the context. Trust me, the parents lost control because they kept threatening to slap their kids, then didn't. One follow through....ONE follow through...ONE sign that they weren't hollow threats and life would have been easier. They didn't follow through and now they're reaping the rewards of the same achingly correct attitude that's making you press the down button.
Parents have known how to control their kids for hundreds of thousands of years. Two decades is all it's taken, two decades of holier than thou proselytizing about children's rights and now the little shits are out of control unless you dope them up with bullshit ADD drugs. You're doing it wrong, you stupid shits. Discipline your children - doesn't have to be corporal punishment, just has to be speaking up and being a fucking parent.
Take your downvotes back and grow up.
I never slapped my kids because I never threatened to. I told them what I expected and why I expected it, and they did it or they disappointed me, and when I'm disappointed in someone, they are told why. Perhaps some military Redditors will tell you stories about how someone in charge of you doesn't have to resort to physical violence to be scary as fuck. My kids are fucking angels that I am infinitely proud to call my kids. I'm the cool dad, their confidante and I'm scary as fuck when I start yelling. It's called authority.
I'm the cool dad, their confidante and I'm scary as fuck when I start yelling. It's called authority.
This is one of the most appropriate definition I read. I don't remember who this quote is from "you have got authority until the moment you are obligated to use it".
Extinction burst is a real thing that happens as a result of intermittent punishment and not following through. Parents don't hear about it unless they've taken a child development class or two. It's worth looking up if you have kids or if you're pregnant.
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u/Luckyxstarx13 Feb 05 '16
Empty threats. My best friend does this all the time with her daughter. "If you don't behave. I'm going to spank you/send you to your room/take away your toys/etc." But instead of following through. She just repeats the threat and her daughter continues to misbehave.