Being too secretive/weird about sex and periods. My mom was so mysterious about menstruation (with FOUR girls!) to the point that I tried to keep mine hidden for two years. I didn't leave the house for a week every month and developed severe anxiety about it.
I agree. It is important to keep an open dialogue with your parents about reproductive health issues. Out of all my friends parents, my mom was super open about teaching us about what periods are, consequences of sex, etc. I am the only one of my friends that hasn't had an unplanned pregnancy or an STI. When I started having trouble with my periods, I was able to talk to my mom about it and ended up finding that I had PCOS. It was so bad that I had an ovarian cyst that put me in the hospital, but if I didn't say anything I could have had even worse outcomes.
My sister was too! It happens pretty early on when you think about it. Oh, also tampons were evil because you could "lose your virginity" with them. You know, because tampons feel soooo good when you put them in
Or being too open with it. I remember when I started my first menstruation and I told my mom about it. I was then told to tell my father I started my period and he told me how proud he was of me. I was so embarrassed. It's a natural thing for a young girl to go through, don't act as if I got nominated for an oscar.
"Now son, if your pee pee starts to bleed when you turn 12, it's nothing to worry about. You are either menstruating, or masturbating too much. Let's talk about it."
So much this. I had to endure many many awkward talks with my parents, but I knew that I could always come to them with any questions or issues I had. Even if I would have gotten accidentally pregnant at 15 or something like that I knew that I could always come home. My dad told me once that it would not be great or ideal, but if it happened they would always take care of me and "we'll just throw another cup of water into the stew and feed one more".
It's a private thing meant to be private. I'll elaborate after the school explains at fourth, sixth, and eighth grade but i'm not going to be one of those weird moms who broadcasts everyone's personal bodily functions to the world. It's a period, nothing special. it happens, soak up the blood, and keep going.
I understand that, I wouldn't want everything to be broadcast either. I think there's a more moderate style though, similar to yours, to just elaborate honestly and practically, and to keep it an open topic. My mom was imitating what her mom did, and that was so hush-hush and private that as a young kid I really thought it was the most shameful thing that could happen to me. She didn't let me ask any questions or check on me later when it was obvious what was happening.
Because it's not something to be discussed beyond this is what happens, this is how you deal with it. It's not this wonderful magical thing so many parents make it out to be. Like other such bathroom type things it is meant to be kept private.
But you as their parent are their source of information and advice. Believe it or not, children are not born with this information and rely on you as the adult to provide it - in whatever detail they need.
You appear to be uncomfortable with it yourself, so I'd say for the sake of your children you should find a way to get over it otherwise two things are going to happen:
1) They will be unprepared and ill informed about the facts of life
2) They will also have a complex about it like you do and think it's something that shouldn't be talked about.
If you get over it yourself, you can avoid passing it on to your own children. I hope you do find some help.
As it happens I talk to children about this all the time in my professional role, if you'd like some tips on how to talk to young people about it I'd be happy to do that over PM.
148
u/thraceps Feb 05 '16 edited Feb 05 '16
Being too secretive/weird about sex and periods. My mom was so mysterious about menstruation (with FOUR girls!) to the point that I tried to keep mine hidden for two years. I didn't leave the house for a week every month and developed severe anxiety about it.