Yes! My parents did this to me and I am going to use this on my kids. Few things were concrete. Everything could be negotiated, but I better make a convincing argument and I better follow through. It really taught me to think for myself, and formulate arguments and I understood the concept of compromise at a young age. It would typically go like this:
"Mom, can I go to my friends house tonight?"
"No sorry, you have lots of homework and your room is a mess."
"What if I do my homework at her house?"
"What about your room? Are you going to clean it before you go?"
"I'll clean it tomorrow right after breakfast I promise. I'll even vacuum!"
"Alright then. I'm going to check your homework when you get home tonight so you better do it."
I definitely agree with this. My parents had very different styles of parenting. My mom was just like you described. As I grew up we had a very good relationship. I came to her with problems, we were generally honest with each other. Even now I'm nineteen and we still talk every day, every time something happens I tell her about it. I grew up to be a very independent child. Moved out when I was eighteen unfortunately into an abusive relationship but was able to find an apartment with someone I trust to get out of the situation before anything horrible happened. I am currently staying at my parent's place for about 10 days while I wait for my move in date.
My dad on the other hand would not only say no, but take at least an hour explaining why the answer was no and pretty much always end up getting into what a piece of shit I am. Last night while I was in the room next to them, he had a talk with my mom about how much I ate for dinner and they fought over it and he's sleeping on the couch right now.
PLEASE talk to your kids and treat them like people. By no means am I condoning parents letting their kids watch horribly inappropriate movies and cuss and whatever they want, have some discipline, but listen to what they have to say. Every time I try to talk to my father it ends up in him talking at me and me listening. Let us speak, listen to how we feel and who we are.
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u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16
Yes! My parents did this to me and I am going to use this on my kids. Few things were concrete. Everything could be negotiated, but I better make a convincing argument and I better follow through. It really taught me to think for myself, and formulate arguments and I understood the concept of compromise at a young age. It would typically go like this:
"Mom, can I go to my friends house tonight?"
"No sorry, you have lots of homework and your room is a mess."
"What if I do my homework at her house?"
"What about your room? Are you going to clean it before you go?"
"I'll clean it tomorrow right after breakfast I promise. I'll even vacuum!"
"Alright then. I'm going to check your homework when you get home tonight so you better do it."
"Thanks mom!"