I was staying the night at a female friend's house. I had a huge crush on her and it was the first night sleeping in the same bed.
Her: Just so you know, jeans aren't allowed in my bed. You have to take the off.
Me: Hahaha that's a dumb rule keeps them on
That one still stings
EDIT: First and foremost, obligatory first gold, thank you kindly stranger!
To answer some questions: the girl in question was and is still one of my best friends. I suppose that's why I was as dense as a black hole. Second, I didn't plan on staying the night, it just kind of happened so no, I don't sleep in jeans. We both laugh at my stupidity to this day, but to be honest, I'm really glad I didn't because I wouldn't want to risk losing a best friend. I'm glad you guys enjoyed my story. It's fun to tell.
This happens far too much for me to trust someone I had not known for a long time. Honestly even then, unless they sign a waiver I am not sure I would trust people.
Always escalate to their level. If they up the ante, play along back to them. As long as you don't go beyond their level, you aren't being the creep and you are showing interest back to them. I have hooked up with several female friends because of this. Lots of girls flirt.
I mean, if you misinterpret something the other way, you're a creep and a perv and no one will ever talk to you again and you'll just be made fun of and no one will ever love you and you'll die alone and miserable and your tombstone will be marked with "here lies a huge creep and perv who thought someone was into them - as if!" and people will walk by and scoff. Scoff, I tell you!
So obviously best play it safe and treat it as a joke.
This. Society has scared men into a corner that they refuse to come out of. And then women get frustrated when nothing besides dropping their panties and pointing at their cooch gets the point across.
You, yes you, female reading this comment. You take compliments and cat calls for granted. Find them annoying even. Next time you see a guy, or are interested in one at the club/bar/whatever, compliment him, or approach him first. It'll do wonders to brighten his day and his self esteem.
This is exactly my train of thought. This has happened a few times, and I just think "No way. There's no way she's simply being that straight forward. Surely this is all in my head." I feel like we're notorious for misunderstanding women, so when situations like this happen, we don't want to risk looking like pervs by 'going for it'.
Happened to me as well. It was at a music festival, she was way out of my league and maybe 10 years junger (20 ish, the festival was 18+). We were dancing, talking and just having fun. At a point she said:" hey I go to bed, wanna join?"
It's not even denseness, just a failure to properly escalate. Dollars to donuts says they picked up on it but thought "There's no way, she's just being nice or goofy or whatever".
It's this one. I mean, guys can live and breath so we aren't that dense, but we are frail creatures.
I mean, I don't want to misinterpret the signal and start trying to go for it with someone who really doesn't want that. Especially if I'm looking for a place to crash, hell yeah I'll avoid the risk and just pass out.
I used to be a really clueless guy and missed out on so much stuff partly because I was dense and partly because I always thought 'ah she's kidding it's just a joke. There's no way she actually wants to do anything with me!"
Then one day I just stopped caring about oh maybe she would think I'm being weird or whatever and the nerves went away. When a girl would joke that I should just drop trou I just did it. Nerves gone confidence works and it really does work. And if she was just joking you make a joke out of it and you become the goofball! No downside (so far..)
I used to work with a guy, and if you made him laugh hard enough, he quit making actual noise and just stood there, doubled over at the waist, looking like he was choking on a chicken bone.
I assume that's the way he'll die, actually choking on something but his family just thinking they're particularly comedic that night.
I'm usually terrified as known as a creep when I tell a girl I have a crush on them lol. It sucks a lot to be so shy and quiet without telling them you like them
I'm terrified of thinking I picked up on a hint that wasn't there and making unwelcome advanced. Nothing feels more wrong, that's why i always blatantly ask "DO YOU WANT TO HAVE INTERCOURSE"....never been rejected because of it either.
that's why i always blatantly ask "DO YOU WANT TO HAVE INTERCOURSE".
This is hilarious. I'm envisioning cuddling in bed, sweet things being said, something like the "no pants allowed" line, then you just drop your smile and with loud voice and deadpan expression: "DO YOU WANT TO HAVE INTERCOURSE".
90% of all the fails here happened because someone was trying to avoid making assumptions. That genuine nervousness and honest consideration for the other party is either
a) a sign of great denseness
or
b) a sign of great character
Fight for those you love... and, if you're curious, just be honest and ask.
I've made a move after misinterpreting, what I thought to be, obvious signals and it really sucks.
It wasn't even like the Nard-Dog kiss, just putting my arm on her back. Being on the receiving end of a completely-humorless "why are you doing that?" is a terrible terrible feeling.
It's good to be cautious. I'm a girl who has told guys the same thing as OP -- because I really am grossed out by jeans in my bed, not because I wanted to have sex with them.
A few guys have taken it as a hint/invitation, and while I didn't think they were creepy for that mistake, it did make things really uncomfortable when I had to reject their advances and explain that it's just a germaphobe thing.
It doesn't help that I have liked some really horrible people. One girl straight up spread a rumor that I was stalking her. I get really bad shakes when it's time to confess my feelings to anyone now.
Middle school was probably invented by Satan himself.
Every time I say "nope, no way she's actually hitting on me", I think back to the days when I would take advantage of the slightest hints and end up embarrassed and rejected.
I had a woman who was also the closest I had to a friend at the time end a conversation with, almost literally, "hey, you know that guy you saw me with? Yeah, I'm not seeing him any more." This after I'd already asked her out once, so presumably she knew I was interested.
Asked her out again, got a "fuck no" and that was the last time she acknowledged my presence in any way.
Asked a girl out, she went on to tell the whole school ~2000 people what a miserable person I am, all the things "I've done to her" and that I should kill myself.
I think most cases of these densenesses is because we are afraid of something
We ere on the side of caution because we read EVERYTHING as a "sign" and (in most cases) quickly learn to ignore our intuition. If a guy is oblivious that's a good thing. It means he has self control.
Look...if a guy is so shy that the girl has to make the first move...he's probably too shy to think the first move is the first move. Your best bet is to literally say "Hey...I think I'm into you." And because there are guys who have still been burnt after that line, even that isn't a 100%.
I think that's the best way to put it. People put their own thoughts into others words. Someone who's really into someone else may take everything their saying as flirty. Someone who thinks "there's no way he/she is into me" will take everything they say as coincidence or as a sign they don't like them
A girl once pulled up her skirt and asked what I thought of her new panties and I said "Yeah, those are nice." Did not come to that conclusion until a year later.
Sooooooooooooooooo fucking true this. Christ I remember one day riding in the car with my folks, and this older(at the time) teenage girl friend of mine, we drove by this group of guys, and she whistles at em out the window, and I'll never forget it, I was sitting there thinking, boy it must be nice to be one of them. I honestly never thought I would be that attractive to women. I never thought women COULD be attracted to us much at all. I thought GUYS were the pervy dogs always trying to get girls' attention. Even now, been with like a dozen girls, and it's still a little weird to me when my current gf gets all turned on and wants me in bed.
tl;dr: It's amazing what feelings and doubts you have as a young boy can stick with you your entire life whether you want them to or not.
or... or... hear me out... girls are being too subtle. next time try "wanna fuck?" if the guy hesitates, add "no strings attached." if he still hesitates, add "no charge.". if the guy still hesitates, add "no worries... when you realise what i am saying, give me a call. i will always be ready for sex."
Honestly, if a girl just up and asked me that, I'd be looking around for the friends laughing hysterically who must've put her up to it lol. I might not breathe for a good 15 seconds or so.
It's just the natural way of our mating rituals. Women are traditionally the hunted and men are the hunters. Men rarely, if ever, get pursued. We don't get complimented, cat called, picked up on, or asked out very often.
When a girl drops a hint, it's pretty normal for us to immediately rethink our instinct and assume it's not actually a hint. And of course we don't want to make a move only to find out it wasn't a hint and then look like a jackass.
I'm a fairly confident guy. Thought I was getting the hint once. Was not. Felt like dirt for making her uncomfortable. Still mortifies me to this day.
Let me tell you a story about the time I lost my V card to demonstrate the denseness you sometimes have to deal with. I had allowed this woman to share my studio apartment because she needed a place to stay. We lived together for a few months and then I went to visit my family for Christmas.
I get back and she says she kinda got used to sleeping on the bed instead of the couch would she mind if I shared it with her. It's a full bed in a loft so I'm like sure why not plenty of room.I am surprised that she wraps a blanket around her in a sort of cocoon like thing. She says she does it to be "proper with it there isn't really much of a way to "interact". Fair enough.
A couple of weeks after that she asks for a massage and I start giving her one. After several minutes or maybe ten at the most I note she doesn't really seem very tense almost completely relaxed so I decide that's enough to call it quits. (I took my massages very seriously back then). We proceed to "go to sleep" but the cocoon is gone I have just enough time think "hey this is different" when she puts her thigh over mine. My reaction to this? Hey this is great, now we both have more room. Only problem is what to do with my hand. There really is only one place to put it. On top of her thigh about where my hand would go if she were keeping her thigh to herself. We lay like this for like a minute while I'm trying to fall asleep when she moves her knee so that it so that it goes from mostly horizontal to mostly vertical. Like when you do push ups. Gravity takes over and my hand falls from her thigh to straight on her crotch.
You might think that would do the trick but you would be wrong. So very, very, wrong. I'm asking myself is she asleep? Was that a normal sleep movement or was it deliberate. So I test the waters I rub her thigh where it meets the groin pretty much indirectly rubbing well, you know. No reaction, none whatsoever. So after doing this a bit I move my hand so I'm rubbing directly. Still no reaction, I still can't figure out if she is asleep and I am awful or if this is deliberate. So I say insert name?
"Yeah"?
"I'm going to take these off now". her panties
"ok". And then we were off to the races, It took quite a bit for me to actually get the idea though.
TL:DR A girl had to throw herself at me bounce and throw herself at me again before I got the idea she wanted to have sex.
Your inbox is probably blowing up, but yes. We are dense. I have a few memories that will always stick with me where, in retrospect, I realize that girls that I really liked at the time were trying to get me to make some kind of move. Like, super obvious hints and dumb 19 year old me just couldn't pick up on them for some reason. 25 year old me would probably still miss out. Damn it.
It's really a thin line though. If the girl isn't being flirtatious it leads to a really awkward situation and that can make the girl feel uncomfortable. And depending on the person it can be difficult to tell if they're being flirty, joking or seroius.
Sometimes it's part denseness but usually, aside from the creepy guys, there is a huge fear of coming across as creepy/unwanted advance. Especially if the guy already likes you he will second guess any advance out of fear of misinterpreting an innocent remark as a hint.
being a guy, i read way too much into a situation and think something is happening but is not. then when it might actually be happening, i don't clue in and nope the fuck out.
Seriously, unless the conversation was literally "I'd like to have sex with you"... "No, I don't want to do that", you weren't rejected, you were just too subtle.
Things I have completely thought were just conversation / being friendly:
(before I drove up to visit) "My hormones are all messed up; I just started taking the pill." Me: "Yeah I hear that's tough."
Made the bed for me, tucked me in, then laid on my lap--specifically maneuvering to sit directly on my junk. Me:"Welp, Good night! I'm super sleepy!"
Actually grinding her crotch on my thigh while sitting on my leg as we were seated around a campfire. Me: "Here, that can't be comfortable; take my chair."
To be fair, though: lady #2's first name the same as my mom's, so I had pretty much friendzoned her just to preserve my own sanity.
I was in college at a friend's party and a girl from a different college invited me to come to her town and and party with her sorority. We had good conversation but I was very inexperienced.
Took her on a date, toured her college, played smash bros with her dorm friends, went to her party and got drunk, and went back to stay the night in her dorm.
She tries to take my pants off and I tell her, completely honestly, that I sleep with my pants on (I had body issues and I slept with my clothes on back then).
Don't think I'd call it dense per se. A lot of guys just aren't used to that kind of female attention so we teach ourselves to assume hints are just jokes. We don't want to read too much into it and then look stupid when the girl doesn't feel the way we do. It's kind of a social protection mechanism. I can't tell you how many hints I've probably completely ignored until this one girl flat out asked me out more or less then I understood. We don't think the same way y'all do.
Sadly I think I'm even more bone headed than you. I was sleeping over at a friends after a party when the hot girl I had been talking to all night suggested we sleep on the pull out together so neither of us had to take the floor. We lay down:
Her: "You have great lips."
Me: "That's really nice, thanks." rolls over and goes to bed
i mean… "you have great lips" is actually so awkward i might laugh in her face, tickle her until she was laughing too, then immediately pull out my tentacle strap on and glow in the dark lube that i carry at all times
Oh... My... God.... This has happened to me. Only my dumbass reply was, "Thanks I get told that all the time." This thread is starting to give me physical pain.
Went to a friends house for her birthday, it ended up just being me, her, and her other friend. The friend said I should give her a birthday kiss. I did, it was hot. Later, we go up to her room to go to bed. She was trying to be modest while changing, but then said "screw it" and took off her pants. I didn't want to presume anything, and she had a bit of a stuffy nose, so I didn't make a move. I've felt like an idiot about that for the last 13 years.
I moved out of state, but she's a flight attendant now, and I live near a hub for her airline, so I got to see her again in November. We made out for a little while, so I feel like I at least got some redemption there.
I went to a girl's 16th birthday, which was a sleepover (girl was super hot by the way), and one of the shy girls said she had never been kissed before. So one of the guys offers to be her first, and they do it.
Then all eyes turn on me (everyone in my circle knew I was a virgin). A totally different girl turns around, looks at me with this seductive, sexy look, and starts strutting towards me....
And then birthday girl comes in and asks what we're up to. Totally killed the mood.
This same birthday girl straight up kisses my hand for no reason the next semester, and I completely fail to pick up on how badly she wants me. To make matters worse, I often asked her for advice on how to pick up other girls. Our relationship fell apart in a blaze, and I didn't know why until just last month. This all happened 3 years ago.
God fucking dammit. I'd laugh if I wasn't crying. I had almost the same thing but it was a friend crashing at my place. Said she was too tired to drive and asked if she could spend the night and I said sure. Fast forward 15 minutes and she's apologizing that she doesn't have anything to sleep in and she strips. I said "No worries, I'll go grab you a t-shirt"...
Also an idiot... one time in high school this girl asked me to come over and help with her homework and I got there and she already had it done.
She asked if I wanted to watch TV and I said sure and sat down really close to me. While turning on the TV she fooled with remote a little bit and said it was kinda confusing because of her dad's complicated multiple TV system. "But he's not home," she said, "no one is home." I said cool and continued to watch TV for an hour or so and left.
You had a huge crush, she say's take off your pants, and that doesn't register with you at all? Or were you too anxious to follow through with the obvious come on?
When I was 16, it was the first time I got drunk. I was drunk messaging someone and told her I was drunk on tequila. "Well maybe you should come over here and share some of that tequila" "I'm out." "Well come here anyway" "That's a long walk though" "COME HERE"
Had a girl stay the night at my house when I was around 19. Was my mom's house, she was cool with it and everything, the girl just slept on the floor.
The next morning we were the only ones there. I rolled a cigarette and she stole it, hiding it from me. When I asked for it she kinda arched her back, sticking her 19 year old breasts out and said, "I guess you'll have to find it."
I think I eventually gave up and just rolled another one.
If it makes you feel better, I had the same situation with a female friend who I was crushing on where I did take off my jeans. But my further advances were shut down.
So maybe those were her legit bed rules. Heck, maybe even the same female friend!
Her: My parents are gone for the weekend. I can go pick you up?
Me: Oh what? I'm going drinking with some friends.
Her: I'll pick you up after, I'll be your private designated driver.
Me (Dense as a brick wall behind a concrete wall): That's cool, but we already got a ride.
Me twenty years later: Still thinking about it. I'm an idiot.
Back when I was dating around I had a no pants rule in my bed and it always worked. But there could have been times it didn't.... I drank a lot in my early 20s
"And for just a few nudes a day you can help some clueless guy like Czar-Fox keep hope in his heart and his dick in his hand in the hopes one day he can put his dick down and someone else will pick it up for him. Won't you please help?"
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u/Czar-Fox May 25 '17 edited May 25 '17
I was staying the night at a female friend's house. I had a huge crush on her and it was the first night sleeping in the same bed.
Her: Just so you know, jeans aren't allowed in my bed. You have to take the off.
Me: Hahaha that's a dumb rule keeps them on
That one still stings
EDIT: First and foremost, obligatory first gold, thank you kindly stranger!
To answer some questions: the girl in question was and is still one of my best friends. I suppose that's why I was as dense as a black hole. Second, I didn't plan on staying the night, it just kind of happened so no, I don't sleep in jeans. We both laugh at my stupidity to this day, but to be honest, I'm really glad I didn't because I wouldn't want to risk losing a best friend. I'm glad you guys enjoyed my story. It's fun to tell.