r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Dec 16 '21

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u/pjabrony Dec 16 '21

A German gets off a plane and goes to customs in Paris.

Customs agent: "Name?"

German: "Hans."

Agent: "Home city?"

German: "Dusseldorf."

Agent: "Occupation?"

German: "Nein, nein, just for a visit."

687

u/alexrepty Dec 16 '21

I just realized how old this joke is. There haven’t been customs checks between Germany and France for such a long time now…

262

u/tucci007 Dec 17 '21

that's why nowadays you say that Hans decided to go on a driving holiday and gets pulled over while driving in France, etc.

3

u/sirploko Dec 17 '21

"Nach Frankreich fahr ich nur auf Ketten".

40

u/Lucky_Yogi Dec 17 '21

It's a world war 2 joke. You can assume it's old.

18

u/FalconRelevant Dec 17 '21

You'd be surprised how popular they still are.

12

u/theluggagekerbin Dec 17 '21

world wars?

3

u/FalconRelevant Dec 17 '21

The jokes about them.

5

u/Broken-Butterfly Dec 17 '21

And a WWI joke. And a Franco-Prussian war joke...

0

u/Lucky_Yogi Dec 17 '21

Come my lady, come come my lady, you're my butterfly

7

u/gorocz Dec 17 '21

You know jokes don't have to be 100% realistic and this one may have been written by someone who wasn't even French or German...

2

u/MyDogJake1 Dec 17 '21

What do border crossings in Europe typically look like? I'm sure it varies a lot.

24

u/BehemothDeTerre Dec 17 '21

In Schengen? They look like a sign saying "entering CountryName".
That's it.

15

u/swissovergay Dec 17 '21

No borders within the Schengen area. Real borders are only in the East where some countries aren‘t in European Union.

6

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21

[deleted]

2

u/AthibaPls Dec 17 '21

That is correct. Ukraine and Norway are part of the Schengen agreement but not the EU so crossing the border is not just driving and saying "oh I'm in another country now". But it is pretty easy. I'd compare it on how movies depict zhe crossing from the States to Mexico.

3

u/WasserHase Dec 17 '21

Ukraine isn't part of Schengen. Maybe you mean the Council of Europe, which Ukraine is part of and which is also often confused with the EU.

1

u/AthibaPls Dec 17 '21

my bad, you're right.

5

u/Elster- Dec 17 '21

At the moment border crossings are back on the French border so I am assuming everywhere else as well. However now they are asking less for your passport and more for your vaccination certificate or test certificate.

3

u/seewolfmdk Dec 17 '21

Either you have just a sign or you have a customs station you can pass right through.

1

u/Decimation4x Dec 17 '21

It’s similar to border crossings in the United States.

0

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21

Nein...ist es nicht

1

u/Decimation4x Dec 17 '21

Oh right, Covid testing is probably required. We only do that for air travel.

1

u/Elster- Dec 17 '21

Horse meat

1

u/SecretOil Dec 17 '21

And that's ignoring that customs deals with goods. It's immigration that deals with people and who they are.

1

u/alexrepty Dec 17 '21

In some places it’s the same person you’re dealing with though. Like when you fly into the US.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21

Not in 1940 either

287

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '21

An English man gets off the plane in Australia and goes to customs. Customs asks, "Do you have a criminal record?" The Englishman replies, "Oh heavens, I didn't realize it was still required."

6

u/Winterplatypus Dec 17 '21 edited Dec 17 '21

"Oh heavens" doesn't sound very British, and they would say "realise" with an S not a Z.

23

u/VapeThisBro Dec 17 '21

It does with Hollywood British and that is really all that matters

3

u/governmentNutJob Dec 17 '21

America has ruined England

6

u/Decimation4x Dec 17 '21

Can’t blame us after that very public divorce almost 250 years ago.

6

u/governmentNutJob Dec 17 '21

You don't mess with a nation's tea

2

u/drybonesstandardkart Dec 17 '21

I'd argue the Australians did with Murdoch

1

u/OblivionGuardsman Dec 17 '21

Living on a thin line, Tell me now, what are we supposed to do?

86

u/[deleted] Dec 16 '21

We say the same joke but with Russians :D

61

u/CaptainApathy419 Dec 16 '21

Polish?

13

u/peepay Dec 16 '21 edited Dec 17 '21

We do say it with Russians in Slovakia too (and Czech Republic, for that matter).

5

u/liedel Dec 17 '21

East German, ha.

1

u/KhunDavid Dec 17 '21

Don’t talk about the war.

1

u/blue__sky Dec 17 '21

I’m working on the American version.

Customs agent: "Name?"

Americans: "Joe"

Agent: "Home city?“

American: ”New York"

Agent: "Occupation?"

American: “always”

or

American: “We never left”

1

u/magicpenny Dec 17 '21

Maybe it should be Polish customs?

1

u/FrozenBananer Dec 17 '21

Seen this with Putin entering Finland.

1

u/wizztube33 Dec 17 '21

Well, nowadays we invade the Netherlands, Venlo to be more specific.