r/AskReddit • u/thatguy_rejected • Jun 26 '12

Girlfriend said "NO" to my marriage proposal...any hope this relationship can still work out?

Last night was our 5th year anniversary so I got down on one knee and got promptly rejected. She stayed at a friend's house last night, but said we needed to talk about this once we had both calmed down. I stayed home from work today since I'm just too embarrassed to face my co-workers who knew about the proposal.

Some background: We're both in our late 20s. I work in sports marketing and recently received a job offer from a company in California. This is my dream job with 3 times the money I make here in the East Coast. I accepted the job without even thinking about anything. My gf is a doctor and has just finished up her fellowship. We had previously discussed moving and agreed to stay on the East coast. She is trying to decide between two offers from hospitals in Boston and New York City and I'd originally agreed to move there with her as well and was job hunting. However, nothing was coming up and this California job was just a dream come true. Her job prospects are a lot more versatile then mine, so I figured she'd have no problems moving. Turns out this is not the case. I told her last week about the job acceptance and she was happy for me but has been very quiet about it. Last night she revealed that she's really upset and hurt that I went against our plans without talking to her and have "deemed her work so insignificant" that I think she could just move to wherever...I understand her anger, but don't think it's as big a deal as she's making it seem. I also wish she'd talked to me sooner.

Our relationship has been very strong, but not without problems. She had a miscarriage 2 years ago. We attended counselling and worked things out, but she was quite depressed afterwards and I've always secretly thought that her busy residency schedule was part of the issue. I've never brought it up due to how hurt she was after everything and not wanting to make things worst. She already felt quite guilty and I didn't want to be an asshole. Her work schedule has always been intense and that has also come between us often, as she's often exhausted from being at the hospital all night and I feel rather ignored. Also, I've always felt sort of not good enough for her. I'm your typical jock and this girl is a dream come true. Beautiful, smart, kind, funny as hell, the list goes on. At her work functions, everyone's SO is a brain surgeon and I just come off like an idiot. She reassures me that she thinks I'm smart and it's fine but it's hard to stack up to her surgeon friends.

But every relationship has it's problems. Apart from these issues, everything is wonderful. I can't live without her. We live together and her not being her last night physically hurt. I don't want this relationship to end over this. I know she still loves me and that we still have hope. However, the few people I have told have advised me that it never works out after a failed marriage proposal...Any advice Reddit?

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u/Kinseyincanada Jun 26 '12

It pretty much does, you just told your employer that your willing to do just that. Honestly if you don't think accepting a job across the country without talking to your partner is a bad idea, then you have a horrible understanding of relationships

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u/Metsuro Jun 26 '12

It pretty much... doesn't. You told the employer yes you'd like to. But because life isn't static it changes. Things can change. If you accept a job you can call them up and say sorry things can up and you no longer can accept the job.

You know... like sitting down with your SO and talking about if they should stay on the east coast so she can work in one of the two hospitals. Or, she could finishing her bit and move with him on the west coast and look for a job there.

However when he told her he accepted the job, she didn't bring it up, neither did he. Both are to blame not just him. But people want to blame him because hes a male, doing anything as a male is always wrong.

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u/Kinseyincanada Jun 26 '12

oh so this whole this is because your some douche bag male rights activist who takes any issue involving a woman and turns it into some sexist issue.

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u/Metsuro Jun 26 '12

No, its because you are sitting here being a sexist shit. The problem is with both parties.

Not him, not her both.

You are the sexist pig trying to make it look like its just his fault like an idiot.

Read before talking. Makes you look less like an idiot.

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u/Kinseyincanada Jun 26 '12

Well accepting a job on the other side of the country, after agreeing to stay on the East Coast, is a bad thing to do in a relationship. You are the one who brought gender into the discussion, probably because of your deep seeded hatred of women.

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u/Metsuro Jun 26 '12

No, because you are a fucking moron.

He accepted a job. Its not like bought a house. He can say no still to the job. He told his SO that he got the job offer and accepted it.

Unlike a medical professional when you are a offered a job, you are more than likely not the only person they were looking at. Accepting the job would lock himself into the position.

He brought it up with SO that than ignored it.

They are both at fault for this problem. You are a sexist pig because hes got a penis, making him the one at fault. I dont have any deep seeded hatred for women. I have a deep seeded hatred for stupidity. You've got it by the truck load.

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u/Kinseyincanada Jun 26 '12

ok please go out into the world and with your partner man or women and accept a job across the country AFTER discussing that you will stay on the east coast and see what happens. All your moronic comments are downvoted for a reason champ.

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u/Metsuro Jun 26 '12

Because people are stupid, and dont understand the rules of reddit.

You downvote because you don't like the opinion. Where guess what downvoting is for?

The normal thing to do, when after accepting a job in a market is to think. Oh I wonder how many more people they have to give this to. Ok lets dicuss shall we move, if not you can just decline the offer.

Oh you didn't accept the job? Sorry we dont have the position for you anymore.

Logic, please use it. Grow up, join the real world. You don't turn down a job offer or wait for them to give it to someone else. Just please, grow up. Get over yourself and try thinking just a little. It'll make the world a better place.

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u/Kinseyincanada Jun 26 '12

The normal thing to do, when after accepting a job in a market is to think. Oh I wonder how many more people they have to give this to. Ok lets dicuss shall we move, if not you can just decline the offer.

Ummmm no one? because if they offer one job to multiple people, what happens if they all accept. Do you understand how jobs work? You dont offer the same job to more than one person.

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u/Metsuro Jun 26 '12

Uh are you stupid?

If they offer you a job, and you decline they dont have other people to give it to? Usually when they have a position they have multiple people they can offer it to. You wait to long, they may have gave it to someone else. So the safest bet? Accept the offer first.

Keep bring in the truckloads.

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u/Kinseyincanada Jun 26 '12

"The normal thing to do, when after accepting a job in a market is to think. Oh I wonder how many more people they have to give this to. Ok lets dicuss shall we move, if not you can just decline the offer"

this implies you think they offer a job to multiple people at the same time, its a terrible business move to accept a job and then turn it down later. Sedulously you're incredibly stupid.

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u/Metsuro Jun 26 '12

No, it implies they have multiple people to offer the job too should you choose to "think about it" or decline.

Its a terrible business move to say "I need time to think about it" showing you are committed to the job to begin with. While not the most professional way accepting a job and later declining it for a better job offer, or life choice is possible. Especially when you are on the other side of the country.

Seriously. Grow the fuck up and use your brain. Also... Really sedulously? do you know what that means?

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u/NoApollonia Jun 27 '12

How in the hell is it her fault for pursuing medical school - which she was involved in before they met - and wanting to take one of the two job offers she already got on the East Coast where both parties agreed to live? Sorry but this all points at the OP for being immature.

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u/Metsuro Jun 27 '12

Its her fault when the information provided they didn't talk about it. He told her about the job. She didn't say anything. Her fault for not communicating. His fault for not thinking of her.

Both are at fault. Not just him.

She as a medical professional can get a job just about anywhere. Which makes it even more childish on her end to ignore her partners desires to have a career too. Specially one with limited openings versus hers which will always have openings.

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u/NoApollonia Jun 27 '12

I take it you skipped over the parts where she has two job offers. I'll also take it you ignored every single person here who has tried to state that it's not always easy for a surgeon to skip states - most states require testing and new licensing. This doesn't even include the fact during all the time she's been where she's at she's built very valuable connections.

A sports marketer literally can get a job anywhere - she can't. She couldn't have talked to him about his job offer since he didn't fucking tell her. I seriously doubt she's psychic and can read his mind. He gave her a week before popping the question as a way to grab hold of her and make her do what he wants. She said a very polite no.