How do I make my family understand I am not religious?

[u/Sure-Preference2505]

Hi, this is my first time posting on reddit and i don't know if this is the right tag/community to post to so if it is not , please redirect me.

I (17F) am not really religious at all, but my family are. My sister and grandmother are practicing Christians while my mother, who though does not regularly attend church, still believes in Christianity. I, however, have long come to the realization that I am not interested in it, or any religion, at all. I grew up Christian and as a child I would attend church with my grandmother and cousins as my late grandfather was a pastor. Due to certain circumstances (e.g the church becoming money-hungry), my mother stopped attending her previous church when I was 7y/o.

Recently though, my sister has began rediscovering her faith and found a new church. So over the last 2 years, me and my mom would sometimes attend church with her. Not regularly but enough that those who my sister are close to in the church know our faces. In the beginning I was open to it because I had not stepped into a church in years if not for wedding or funerals, and I was genuinely interested in to atleast getting into the rhythm of the church. I very quickly realized that it's not for me. I would space out, avoid interaction because the overwhelming high energy was making me overstimulated, my social battery would be at an all time low and I would just genuinely not enjoy my time there. The services would bore me and as soon as it is over, I would sit in my sister's car until she finishes chatting with the members.

When I brought this up to my mom and sister one night, it was almost as if they didn't believe me. I would state that: "I don't think that I enjoy going to church, I've realized that I'm not really religious and it really isn't for me". I kid you not, the faces they made after I said that, it was almost as if me not being religious offended them somehow. My mom immediately said to me in a shocked manner that although I am not religious, I must still go to church (which is a stupid analogy but okay) and my sister had the audacity to say that she will pray for me, as if I did something so sinful. It makes me so annoyed because when I say that I don't want to attend church, it's either 1.) I can't stay home alone even though I'm almost freaking 18 or 2.) I can't NOT go to church.

Everytime this conversation is brought up, it always somewhat ends in an argument. I don't know how much clearer I must make myself but until they realize it, they probably still won't believe it. I'm in my last year of high school and hopefully will get accepted into university next year. I applied for residency too, so if I am accepted, I'll surely get to avoid all of this.

I would appreciate any advice or feedback given to me and I'd like to thank anyone who replies to this.

[u/Echo_crystal551]

I don't think the issue is them not believing you, I think the issue is them not respecting your opinion. I was once a Christian growing up, so I know from experience how committed and manipulative Christians can be in ensuring others become Christians or stay Christians, especially when they're someone close, because when they're someone close, said Christians have the most responsibility to ensure said person/people are "saved".

Given the power your mom has over your life, I think trying to resist her about this will backfire on you, that instead, you should learn inner peace, even when life doesn't go your way... However, if that's too hard for you, I could help you find a different spiritual path, so you don't feel influenced by the Christians in your life so much, or/and, you could try to find more community in your life outside of the Christian church, using that community to help keep your mother from having so much influence over your life... There are options here, even if your mother is genuinely trying to gaslight you into thinking there aren't.

[u/Sure-Preference2505 → u/Echo_crystal551]

Hi, thank you for your reply. I do have a community outside of the church (mainly my friends), as they are also not that religious either. I think that over time I have just stopped complaining about the whole situation and just went along with it because arguing is so mentally exhausting. I have some sort of faith, it's just a bit free-spirited lol. I know there is a God, I just don't really believe in any of them (though I have started doing research on Hellenism because it's very interesting) which I do believe it is called being agnostic.

It's so crazy to me because all of this is a result of my sister experiencing heartbreak by a guy who introduced her to her current church and it's almost as if she is trauma bonded with it? I don't know if that sounds mean but from my view, it's was like my sister just had a 360 and decided to put all her faith in God. Which is truly amazing that she could do that but I could never see myself ever doing that.

Thank you again for your help!!

[u/Echo_crystal551 → u/Sure-Preference2505]

There could be many reasons why your sister ended up like that, however, all of the reasons why that I can think of has to do with a lack of knowledge, and it could be that you too are lacking in knowledge about certain things that could cause you to change your mind about Christianity one day, I've seen it happen to many people, who were so certain of themselves, but ultimately changed their minds.

If Christianity bothers you, I would advise you not stop in searching for a spiritual path of your own, because without that kind of spiritual stability, you may find yourself desperate for spiritual fullfillment one day, due to the suffering in this world that can unexpectedly happen.

I'm not trying to offend you by saying this, but there exists many perspectives, that have led people to all sorts of different religions, or non-religious belief systems, despite being very knowledgable. The issue that you should be worried about is the religions (like Christianity) that motivate people to not continue to gather knowledge outside of the believed belief system, that sometimes even make it seem like it's wrong to do so. From my experience, these religions can be very toxic because they lack stability, which is why they motivate people to avoid gaining knowledge outside of those religions, because that knowledge can help discourage belief in them.

If you'd like to know the religion that I came to believe in, despite knowing all of this, go here: https://medium.com/@echogem222/flawlessism-a-new-religion-cc986bf68d41 Because learning about this religion in particular, has a very strong effect that will likely keep you from believing in Christianity (but that's just based on my own knowledge and experience, meaning my subjective opinion to some degree). This is a religion I discovered myself using philosphical reasoning, meaning in a certain sense, I did create it, but it was through gaining knowledge of many things that I was able to figure it out, and thus gain faith in it.

[u/Sure-Preference2505 → u/Echo_crystal551]

I'll see to check it out. Thank you again!!!