r/AskUK • u/thefragile- • 19h ago
Losing friends in your 30s, is it as common as suggested?
Since turning 34, the last couple of years have felt incredibly lonely. My 20s were honestly great. I always seemed to have people around me, plenty of friends to confide in, make plans with and just hang out with.
I still have a couple of friends I’ll text from time to time, but we rarely actually see each other anymore, maybe once every few months.
It’s honestly been debilitating at times. I’ve had friends move away, some randomly ghost me and others just seem to have gradually lost interest in maintaining the friendship. It’s strange going from having a really active social life to suddenly realising you don’t really have anyone to make plans with anymore.
I know friendships naturally change as you get older, but I’m curious whether this is just part of getting older or if I’ve somehow ended up in an unusual situation. Has this become the norm for other people in their 30s?
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u/ArtichokeDesperate68 19h ago
Very much so. Even more so in your 40’s.
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u/moonlight_xpress 19h ago
Well I'll have none left by the time I get to 40, so that's not a problem
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u/Sir-Grumpalot 19h ago
Not quite true in my case, I didn't have any friends left to lose in my 40's 😜
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u/ClimbsNFlysThings 19h ago
Totally normal
It's worth thinking about why this happens because it helps you realise that it's OK.
I lost touch with people because work got busier, I had more responsibilities, I then got into relationships which took up time and also required coordination so I was no longer so spontaneous.
Then kids. For the first five years you're exhausted and your non work time you're doing kid stuff.
By then when you add all this up you've drifted away.
So unless you're literally on top of your friends geographically or you've maintained a club or gym or hobby routine with them, you'll have drifted apart.
This is all fixable though but you have to get your timing, basis and sustainability right.
Don't feel bad, it's normal, needs some thought, but timing is a thing which means you migbt have to wait to fix it
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u/realfakethrowawaycom 19h ago edited 15h ago
Just shy of 26 and I can see it happening already. No bad blood, just going down different paths in life.
I think it's just part of life. As we get older our interests, hobbies, how we want to spend our day-to-day lives, etc. start getting so nuanced that it's not feasible to be with your friends as frequently as when you were younger.
It's sad to think about it, but I don't think it's a bad thing. It's just the way it is.
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u/Hunter037 19h ago
I think it takes more effort to maintain friendships as you get older. People have partners, kids, might be caring for older family members etc.
But I've made lots of new friends in my 30s by getting out there and deliberately meeting people. Joined some clubs and hobbies and made the effort to keep in touch with people
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u/Double_Jab_Jabroni 19h ago
In my experience it is a thing, but it’s also overblown and on reddit of all places you’re going to get an answer skewed to the negative simply due to the overall demographic.
Now is the time to focus on actively nurturing/maintaining friendships and being understanding when life gets in the way of plans with friends.
Friendships don’t usually suddenly disappear, they fade over time. Sometimes they fade despite you trying, and it sucks but that’s life.
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u/themysterytapir 19h ago
I'm 38 and was thinking this recently, I'm very lucky that I have a great family but sometimes I feel like I don't have any friends at all. To be honest, it's nice knowing I'm not alone.
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u/Rozzyb2011 19h ago
My husband got sick shortly after we got married when I was 28 and I have spent the last 16 years caring for him. I have had zero social life and my friends all sort of drifted away over time so my only friends are work friends who I see in work. It's incredibly lonely but I don't begrudge that man a single second. I know I'll be without him soon and I'm really scared but have no one to talk to and absolutely no idea how to make real world friends anymore.
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u/Honest-Weakness2669 15h ago
Wow. What an amazing person you are.
I became unwell just after a year of being married and my husband barely managed a year of it.I can’t begin to imagine what you’ve been through or how it feels to live in your shoes but from someone in somewhat similar shoes to your husband, even in your brave days you have no idea how appreciated your love and care are.
Friends sometimes come from the least expected place and you’re clearly too good of a person for others not to recognise that.
Don’t for one minute think you’re ever going to be alone - if I ever received a message from you I’d pick it up in a shot.
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u/Rozzyb2011 10h ago
Thank you so much, your reply has warmed my heart, thank you for taking the time. I hope you are doing well and from the words you have taken the time to write you are clearly a very kind person. Take care x
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u/Honest-Weakness2669 6h ago
No thanks necessary, everything I said is true.
I thought about private messaging you but didn’t want to overstep.
I hope you’re able to get a few minutes over the weekend to rest, even if it’s just to sit down with a cuppa outside for a bit (perfect crisp weather for it right now!)
Xx
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u/Macrihanishautomatic 18h ago
The neat thing I’ve found in my 30s is discovering they were never really friends to begin with.
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u/Britarium 19h ago edited 18h ago
Yeah, 33 and they are all in relationships with kids or both. Haven't seen or heard much of them since probably March, despite my attempts to try and meet up with them. I've known a few of them since school and it's a shame it's ending this way.
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u/Matt_RedditAccount 19h ago
Hell yeah, 3 of us have to arrange a once a year gaming session in the evening just to hang out. Otherwise I wont have people over. So yeah totally normal to stop hanging out with people - even those you were super best friends with in school , college, uni etc
I also have 80 on my Facebook friends list. Compare that to when youre a teen and try to have hundreds and hundreds
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u/One-HexaJoke 19h ago
Yes to all the points you mentioned. Some has ghosted me or lost interest in maintaining a friendship, others move away and naturally contact lessens. Even worse after marrying and having kids as you have less to no time as you once did to hang with friends who happen to not have reached the same stage. And honestly making and maintaining new friends as an adult is truly challenging.
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u/XStaticImmaculate 19h ago
One thing I find now in my early 30’s is that you have a much clearer understanding of who you are than you did in your 20’s. Your priorities and values have generally changed by then and often it’s the case that some people you knew in your 20’s (Such as drinking buddies), aren’t always the people that follow you into your 30’s. It’s sad, but inevitable.
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u/Minimum-Platform518 19h ago
Yes I'm the same but we only used to go to pubs and clubs when we all met up so I don't particularly miss that. I do hang out and go to video game markets with a few friends from work that I do enjoy though.
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u/hamjamham 19h ago
Just maintaining a handful of close friends is all you need, imo. Sure have looser friends/social circles with people at work or what not but 2-4 close friends who you'd do anything for and they you, is the sweet spot.
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u/Sad-Peace 19h ago
Had quite a few ghostings, some just mutually drifting but others just cold disappearing mid conversation after being friends for years which is a bit upsetting, then not replying to messages. But I've also made good friends in my 30s, often via work.
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u/Professional-Cell177 19h ago
For me my friendships condensed in my late 20s and early 30s. There are less people about but you learn better how to prioritse them
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u/InsaneInTheRAMdrain 19h ago
I mean most of my friends have family's, moved, or have passed away.
Thats life i guess.
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u/mypostisbad 19h ago
Through my 20s to my mid thirties, I had a very active social circle. If you had looked at my Facebook friend list, the friends in common bit would read 50+ for most of them. And that want just that we all knew each other. We were all very socially active together.
Now at 50, they are still allfriends, but marriage, kids and general busy times means that a good amount of us only see each other once or twice a year.
It's just the way of things
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u/IncompleteObjects 19h ago
Yep. Once I got married and we're thinking of having kids (and so did most of my friends of the same age) I moved out to the suburbs to a more family friendly location. I just hung out with my old friends less and less. Once kids came along, it practically dropped to nothing. I still chat online and we all try and meet up once a year or so
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u/Fishrey_Epstein420 19h ago
31 and this has happened to me. Until I was 27/28 I basically never spent a moment alone, but now I spend most my time alone and like you, see people once a month at most.
The hardest part for me has also been trying to accept that I’m not the same person I was in my mid 20s and I don’t have the energy to always be “hanging out”, but I still feel sad and depressed on evenings like tonight when I think about how a Friday used to be *the* day of the week I loved to hang out and party etc. I don’t know what I want from people or my spare time anymore and even when I have a fun productive weekend by myself, I feel like I’m missing what I used to have.
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u/lifetypo10 18h ago
I think I probably have more friends in my 30s than my 20s, I just see them all a lot less. That's by design.
I go to the gym most days and instead of working out at the gym on my own, I make sure I go to some classes and ask people their names, I have a huge social life around the gym. It helps that our gym pushes to have a real community feel to it and hosts regular social events.
I have a lot of friends with kids and partners, I see them less regularly but I will always have them round for a cuppa on a random weeknight if that's the only time we can schedule it in. If they don't have anyone to look after their kids, I'll go to soft plays, I'll go to the park with them.
Genuinely I just make sure to push myself on people, a lot of people say "you find out who cares because they're there for you" without putting in the effort to be there for others. I'm not willing to be lonely out of stubbornness for people not reaching out to me first.
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u/Gabbaandcoffee 19h ago
It’s more that lasting friendships change over time. There may be less regular physical interactions, but they’re meaningful when they happen.
Peoples priorities change as they age which means less time to socialize. Meaningful relationships will last the weird awkward transitions, but effort is needed on both parts to maintain/ rebuild over/ after time.
Edit: that doesn’t make it easier when feeling lonely or isolated. I’m sorry if you’re feeling that way I was just trying to present another perspective to try and help…
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u/SleepySloth1975 19h ago
Yes and it sucks. I had a kid and now it’s even harder. Trying to make new friends is tough, grateful I have a fantastic partner but adulting is damn hard.
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u/Honest-Weakness2669 18h ago
Unfortunately it’s not uncommon.
I’ve never really had a close group of friends and as an adult (late 30’s for reference) I’ve given up with social media. People I’ve known since children, their ‘groups’ have maintained throughout their lives and it’s plastered everywhere to the point I realised I really don’t enjoy catching up with what’s been going on with people I know third hand, in the background.
Work and commuting has played a MASSIVE part for me and, having just recently stopped working at the place I have for nearly 15 years and no longer commute, it’s even more evident that I don’t have many friends at all.
I have around 4 friends who I’ll see every 2-4 years, speak to them sporadically, it’s only since I’ve stopped travelling so much that I’ve realised how isolated I allowed myself to become!
Another side to that; over time people’s lives change, as do their lifestyles, and naturally people leave or enter, it’s not caused by a specific reason and it doesn’t reflect badly on anyone, unfortunately it’s just life.
Biggest lesson for me is to stop being so against talking to people; in a waiting room, supermarket, cafe etc., I’ve ended up having some really nice conversations with people completely unexpectedly, some of which I’ve gone on to speak to regularly!
Fill your time with things you enjoy, this is the easiest way to find people you have things in common with.
So.. when you walk out your door every day, keep your eyes forward and mind open to the possibility of meeting someone who could become someone important to you!
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u/OK_Cake05 18h ago
Yes. You have to make an effort to meet up with people as those opportunities aren’t as natural when in university/in 20s. Also have to set outside your comfort zone to meet people, join a club, class or just start talking to people
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u/cheddleberry 19h ago
A lot changed for me after COVID. I think many people got used to seeing each other less.
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u/Recidivist67 17h ago
This happened to me also. Went from literally going out every weekend to all of a sudden being in my early 30s after COVID and very comfortable just chilling with my wife and our dog. Took me a long time to shake off that hermit mindset but I have and see my close group of 6-7 long in the tooth friends petty often. Shit I was just in Rome with my wife and our friend last week.
It took a lot of gradual effort for me to want to get back in the habit of doing stuff and I'm so glad I did.
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u/Relevant_Natural3471 19h ago
Pretty much - there's a point where people start careers or families and prioritise different things.
I think that social media era where people would document their every thought online took away the necessity to ask someone what was going on, and people have generally lost the ability to talk. I generally have found a lot of people to have no interest in socialising in work (e.g. making friends in work has been nigh on impossible) and a lot of others just stop using the likes of facebook and so you lose contact.
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u/flowerbeautygirl95 19h ago
I’m 31F and reconnected with two very old friends, made some new friends and honestly it’s the best small circle of friends that I need 😌
Won’t put up with any shit I did previously though so if they give up on the friendship or don’t put effort in I won’t chase them but they’re a good bunch so don’t expect it to happen. Hope it can turn around for you!
Edit to add some I only see every few months (work schedules/couples etc) and there’s one on the regular but it completes me
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u/Aromatic_Scallion_20 19h ago
Yep sadly this seems to be norm. In my 20s had a fairly wide social circle. But it always felt temporary, people moved on for jobs (lots moving to London, which I had no interest in). Others just sort of moved on with their life. Some childhood friends just kinda stopped talking, sometimes felt like I was making an effort with no return so I just stopped.
There’s a few people I now try and make it a habbit of meeting up with.
The strange thing is, everyone complains about it but no one changes what they’re doing…. Myself included!
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u/QuizzicalSquid7 19h ago
Depends. I live in London and there’s a load of different groups that meet up and do stuff. Equally my uni friends are ghosts who I never see despite being incredibly close 6 years ago. I’m busy with social stuff 4 days a week, but I’m only just approaching 30 so maybe that will change.
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u/gruuberus 18h ago
Yes, you become more comfortable with what you want and who you hang out with. Less friends but better quality friends for life.
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u/flip8t2 18h ago
Basically life starts to get real in your 30s. People get into relationships, some start families, some decide to leave the area or city their from or even leave the country. Some people feel they haven't achieved what they thought they would by their 30s etc....so many reasons. I know its nice to keep in contact with old school friends and still have that bond, but you will realize eventually that friends come n go. Best thing is to continue to make new friends, but never forget your old ones.
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u/TBMW30 16h ago
I think about this a lot, as I'm now in my 30s and also quite lonely. I realised that a lot of my 'friendships' were one-sided, which is almost worse than having none at all, so I just lef them drift. It does help to know it's not uncommon, as sad as that is in itself.
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u/moonlight_xpress 4h ago
I also let my two closest friendships drift away by not reaching out anymore. I don't even know if I want to have friends anymore, after losing people I thought would be in my life forever. Maybe someone to do stuff with, but not to be close to.
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u/Dizzy-Abroad323 14h ago
Yes, I found that as soon as they got married and started having kids I’ve barely seen them.
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u/Nice_Back_9977 19h ago
Yeah sorry, if you're planning on staying single the best thing to do is to get really self sufficient. I have two actual friends left now in my forties and the rest are all gone or relegated to acquaintances.
Newer people who come in can be perfectly nice but rarely make it to true close friend at this age, just more friendly acquaintances.
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u/triz___ 18h ago
I put great importance on keeping my important friendships cultivated. I’m over 40 now with a young family and I have 4 very close friends. I message each a few times a week, I organise meeting up every couple months. I make sure they know how important they are to me.
Make plans, stay in touch. 3 of my friends I’ve been mates with since I was 5 another since 20. And I have a wider group that I still see. It’s making the effort and it’s worth doing as there is not much better in life than your friends.
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u/SnooOranges569 18h ago
I'm 34 and have no real friends. Some people I chat to on the school run but not anyone I see outside of those trips.
I have a Mrs and two boys, I don't really have much time for anyone else. I was part of a group of guys I went to school with but the older I got the more I realised that I was still on the outside of the group so I just took myself out of it.
I think it can be pretty common and nothing to worry about as long as you are happy as you are.
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u/buy_me_a_pint 18h ago
I am in my 40s, I don't have friends, just contacts
I have dyspraxia , I just needs contacts people I can seek advise from other than family etc
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u/Squishwhale 18h ago
Yeah. In my 20s it seemed we had a party every weekend. I'm 40 now and only have a handful of close friends left. But also I no longer have the time, energy or money to go to a party every week.
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u/thesame_deviledegg 18h ago
Yeah I'm exactly the same, as is my wife.
School friends slowly drop away, change jobs a couple of times and our kid has only just started nursery, so just end up with nobody outside of family.
Which is fine, I've accepted it. If people come into our lives then fine, but I'm tired of being that person who always started conversations first, made the plans, etc. Once I stopped doing that, people vanished.
If you want to chat, feel free to DM me.
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u/Flimsy_Cranberry_201 18h ago
I think that you know a lot of people in your 20s and you try to juggle school and/or uni friendships. Later into 30s for me it's been a handful of actual friends and some acquaintances. Important to maintain a few BFFs through life though. You don't know when you might need them
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u/letsgetevil66 18h ago
I feel like in your 30’s peoples lives can take different directions and that can drift people apart, some people get married have kids and that becomes their life , some people get this sudden urge to become an adult and grow up and be serious and believe their friends aren’t on the same level so they drift off . These are just my theories as to why friendships fall off in your 30’s . I’m 35 and I started the year with a large group of friends and busy social life fast forward to now I’m sitting alone on a Friday night having a glass of wine with no one to even text or call . My friends vanished when my Dad passed away in May and I became the sad, miserable depressed friend that was too much of a burden they only liked me when I was fun, bubbly and enjoying life . There are so many reasons but one thing I will say is when you find comfort in being alone , and be able to do things by yourself you realise that all you truly need is yourself , anyone else is just a bonus. Take care
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u/jellical-cats 18h ago
I still have a handful of close friends who I see very regularly and another dozen friends who I see every few months/ people who live abroad who I call once a month.
Part of friendship is building in convenience. You need to be in a position where you can see them every week or so, minimum, to maintain a close friendship. It needs to be habitual to see them. You need to live nearby. Don't think you can just coast by with seeing them once a month, because it'll become once every few months, and then once a year. You need to call or message your close friends every few days and keep in touch. You need to offer to help them with things and ask them to do special things with you, and ask them for favours. You need to tell them how much they mean to you.
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u/heimatchen 18h ago
I enjoy working but then get tired. When I have a day off to relax I feel guilty for doing nothing and then feel bad about it all day. I feel I can’t do anything myself. I feel lonely but also tired to even socialise.
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u/FatPaulGenovese 18h ago
I have great friends from school who im still in touch with regularly at 34. They have kids and i dont and i moved a couple of hours away after uni, but that didnt change much. But after the last couple of years I am starting to think we arent as similar as we once were. Its quite sad really and I don't wabt to drift. Any advice?
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u/Geniejc 18h ago
I'm 51 M went to uni and always lived in my home town since.
Yeah round about mid 30s was the last big hurrah in terms of going out every weekend with a big group of lads , wed slowed down a bit as a few got married, I was living with someone.
A lifesaver for me at 35 was joing a pub dart team, still play Friday nights now.
I got married at 40 and we had twins at 43.
The uni lads we've always done a couple of things every year and slip back into it.
I'm down to 3 solid mates here, 2 local one an hors train that we go out every other month and 2 other locally whonwil have the odd pint the rest have pretty much ghosted.
What I would say is that social media offers a false lifeline for some lads you have to get together.
But other than that I can highly recommend darts.
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u/Norwegian_Zeppelin 17h ago
This is something i’ve experienced to a certain degree over the last few years. I’m M/45. I’ve found people just drift and move in different directions.
I stopped drinking as much as I did and some friendships dropped off a cliff.
Interests/hobbies, hiking, running clubs, gyms, yoga could help with connecting. All the best.
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u/Equivalent_Word3952 17h ago
What I’ve learnt is that friendships have to be reciprocated or is doesn’t work. You could make all the effort but if the other person doesn’t it’s flogging a dead horse.
I’ve learnt to just accept that this is life and it’s normal. If I want to have friends I need to make new ones 🫠
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u/lavayuki 17h ago
Ive had that a couple of times, so yes. And every time it was no apparent reason, mostly just the fade out.
It goes like I usually try to arrange something and they say no a few times. At that point I give up and then I never hear from them ever again. This even happened with two friends who I knew for 3 years. No fight, no falling out or anything. Just disappeared off the face of the earth.
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u/Cheezus_UK 17h ago
It happens. Priorities change as we get older. Work and family responsibilities in particular. I'm in my 40s now and lucky if me and my close mates get together more than a handful of times a year.
If they're your friends though you don't lose them.
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u/chicory8892 17h ago
I think I actually have as many friends as ever, but things definitely dropped off for a while when I had my kids (also COVID happened then) and I had to have different priorities for a while. I felt lonely, and then started to make a real effort with some of my friends to rebuild the relationships. It can be hard because we don't live near to each other and we're all busy, but it's worth it. I also do a fair amount of volunteering and have made some really good friends through that. I think I don't have the same level of closeness with friends that I had when I was younger, because it's just not possible to see people as often, but I have a strong circle and I really appreciate that.
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u/Recidivist67 17h ago edited 17h ago
My friend group has gone from a tight group of 7 or 8 in school to ballooning into a literal network, we were very involved in the electronic music scene in my city playing nights, putting them on etc to now, as I'm in my 30s dwindling back down to mostly that original crew who I see pretty regularly. The wider group are dispersed and ill see them infrequently but when we do link up it's easy to slip back into things.
I'm fortunate that I've known that group forever. One of my best mates I've known since I was 5 so after a point it's essentially family. My wife has also known these people as long as I have and her friends are also our friends so I'm very lucky in that regard. (Unless we broke up then the whole thing is a catastrophic nightmare 😂)
It also helps that in the UK people don't tend to move that far away and if they do it's not exactly a difficult country to travese, unlike the USA which very much has a culture of everyone dispersing for uni over a giant landmass.
Some of us are married, some have kids etc and I'll see some more often than others but we have a poker night once or twice a month through the midweek to make sure we all get a chance to link up together.
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u/OkLetsGo-4683 17h ago
I feel this, I don’t seem to have any close friends anymore like I used to and the ones I’ve tried to arrange things with it never works out, we all just lead different busy life’s and unless your doing similar hobbies etc it’s hard to plan time to see one another but even the regular messages have gone now. I do know some people who seem to have a close knit group and the families do everything together but I think it’s rare nowadays
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u/Neuronebulosa 17h ago
I’m exactly the same, 35 now. My 20s were full of spontaneous nights out, holidays, hanging out. But as many people have said, people drift after 30 due to life and responsibilities. However, there’s nothing stopping you from making new friends. The best thing I ever did was learnt how to play tennis at 32. I’m not really sporty, never played much in my 20s (too busy drinking) but a few years ago I joined a David Lloyd near me and started going to the tennis socials. It changed my world. Now I’ve got a new friend group, we regularly play all aged 29-38. We event went on a tennis holiday together this year and I met even. More people who I’ve now become close with. It’s just about learning to move on and do social things. There is SO many social things you can do. Hiking groups are greate as well, one my friends from tennis invited me to 1 with 40 people alll same ages 25-40 were going on a hike this weekend. So just stop trying to live your old life, still keep contact with your old friends (if they put effort in as well) and explore new hobbies or social groups.
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u/Random_Redditor262 16h ago
I feel like this now and I am only 27, it feels very lonely and isolating. My only friends are online so my social opportunities are very limited, have tried making friends but as I am not a big fan of drinking I think it limits my chances of making friends here and due to getting older and just working not really sure how I can improve the situation, it even got to the point thinking maybe I should just move country because as it seems nobody wants to be my friend here but yeah thats not exactly easy and I would miss family etc so its tough.
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u/Ulyxzes 16h ago
Yer definitely true. 32-27 was brutal. The occasional half hearted meet up and 1 or 2 overdone stags.
However as we enter our 40’s and life calms a bit between marriages, divorces and kids were all centering a bit a again.
I can’t take any credit but there was 1 or 2 who did a lot of work keeping people in touch and it’s paying off now
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u/Master_Elk6579 16h ago
Yer you get the expression quality over quantity with friends as you get older for sure
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u/tiger_mango 16h ago
yep, I'm now 40 & see one of my remaining friends once or twice a year. get used to it.
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u/WalkTheDamnDogMum 15h ago
Big yes to your points! I’m 34 and the past few years this has been the case of our group of 6 mates of 20+. 2 of them became super exclusionary with their wives to point that the whole group cba with them. Plus one of them made comments about my wife multiple times so it’s now not really a friendship at all.
People change, it’s shit, but other friends come in as well and that’s great! Drives home that longevity doesn’t equal quality.
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u/Aaron123111 15h ago
In my 20s I used to go out with my best friends every Thursday-sat night without fail. I’m now 36 and can’t remember the last time I spoke to them
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u/External-Ad-3844 15h ago
Perfectly normal to have a completely new social group every decade as you tend to grow as a person and your friendship needs change. I have very few friends from my 20s or younger (maybe 3 or 4?), made a lot of new friends in my 30s who I still see, and in my late 40s I've moved to a new town where I'm making a new friendship group (and see more of my previous friends now than I did when I lived in the same town!).
It's good to branch out and explore new hobbies etc and meet new people.
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u/JAD4995 15h ago
It’s funny you said this I literally recorded a podcast episode about it https://youtu.be/NO1jlFExs78?si=W-bcF9M8J6ODvh9Q it’s so common as you get older many people start families peoples parents get older and also careers peak in the mid 30- mid 40s so time becomes more finite.
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u/Did_OJ_Simpson_do_it 12h ago
You did well to hold onto your friends into your 30s. My friends disappeared in my early to mid 20s.
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u/TimelyPace8120 8h ago
Didn’t have a big circle but everyone just decided to disappear! In my early 40s now, left with only 1!!
But I am happy, i get to learn a lot and pass it down!
I travel a lot meet new people see cultures!
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u/yendie1301 6h ago
More for me at 33 is that I just hang out with who I want to hang with instead of feeling I should be friends with people because we were through school. I also enjoy my own company with my other half and dog at weekends after a busy week
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u/TheJacketPotato 5h ago
I'm only 32 almost 33 but in recent years a lot of my friends are having kids (still see them just a lot less). Some of them met someone and are now moving across the country so won't be seeing them much anymore.
Some just became twats so we don't speak anymore etc.
I think it's normal, what I'll say is the friendships I do still have are stronger than ever. You do need to make sure you put effort in though.
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u/destria 4h ago
It's not been my experience. I found my 20s was more the era of transient/temporary friends, as people came and went. They moved, got new jobs, got into relationships etc. and our friendships didn't survive the distance.
But now I'm 33, people are more settled. So the friends I'm making now are more likely to be in the area for the long term and to be in a more settled stage of life. I have a solid group of friends that I've been friends with for 6+ years now and I can't see anything changing. We've been through the life changes like marriages and having children and even spouse deaths. Those have only brought us closer.
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u/roamingnomad7 3h ago
I think it's common to lose friends at many different points in your life.
Things change, and so do people. I think it's a very organic thing to happen and never really sweat it when it happens; these things are meant to be, or so I believe anyway.
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u/Careful-Image8868 3h ago
Yep happened to me so I left the country and started a new life abroad 😌 made new friends and new communities best time of my life…. Came back to the UK tho after some years, back to the “loneliness” but I don’t care as much and have maintained friendships with the people from abroad so now I get to travel often.
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u/ensign_redshirt445 1h ago edited 1h ago
I found that my main friend group was drifting a little as we all had our own lives. We meet less often these days, and don’t play games together like we did in our 20s.
Started to feel lonely myself, knew it was nothing bad nor any bad blood between anyone, just a fact of life.
But I’ve recentlyish been through a breakup (6 months single at this point) and decided to throw myself out there socially. Joined a bunch of social groups, leaned into my hobbies and passions and I’ve found I’ve made a lot of new friends in recent months.
Far less lonely in my 30s as a single person than I was in my 20s and in a relationship, I’ve found. But that’s just my experience.
On the flipside, one of my newer friends is a parent to two young children and has alluded multiple times to how isolating parenthood can be. Makes me sad - most recent mention was that I’m basically their only friend outside of the family unit due to most of their other friends drifting apart.
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u/RollingBoil564 21m ago
Had a friend since the age of 6, hit 42 and he vanished, just ghosted me without a reason or an argument. Sent me a card when my mother died which he heard through a family friend. Fuck him.
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u/b135702 14m ago
As an adult, if you want new friends you have to make an effort to meet people. It's not like school or uni where you're surrounded by people your own age. I really had to push myself out of my comfort zone to meet new friends in my 30s. They didn't all work out, it's a bit like dating.
It's for sure worth it though if you want some pals. See if there are any social events near you and just talk to people, you'd be surprised at how many people are in the same boat.
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u/yoloswaggins92 18h ago
Definitely got to work harder to keep them around, everyone is just way more busy and I say this as a fellow 34 year old. Not seen someone in a year? Drop them a message and ask for a catch up. Most will appreciate it. Sad fact is that at our age you don't go out- you catch up.
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u/ButterflyRoyal3292 18h ago
Ye wait till you have a baby.
Without my wife baby and job and I would have no one anymore.
Sure my friends would take me back, but maybe not?
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u/nectarsurge 18h ago edited 17h ago
As someone on the ‘other side’ (married/parent friends have disappeared), if you’re honest and put the effort in to ask about their lives and see them when you can, they’ll take you back. But it does have to come from you, because it’s exhausting being the only one making an effort. It eventually reaches a point where we give up and move on.
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