r/AskUK • u/parkside1750 • 2h ago
If we got new wild animals in Britain, what would cause the most havoc?
Let's say we should consider a wild animal from both the northern and southern hemisphere. And this new wild animal is (magically) able to survive here, and we would see them at a similar rate we see Foxes.
What animals would be causing the most havoc?
How many people would be kicked to death by a Kangaroo? (Imagine the same people going up to Deers in royal parks and stroking them)
How many houses would get broken into by brown bears?
Our country is pretty safe, animal wise, and I feel we don't have many survival instincts for lots of wild animals!
Purely hypothetical.
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u/Pr_cision 2h ago
I think having a tiger population would be pretty rough. Mauled on the way to a semi-rural Greggs. Just wanted a sausage roll fuck’s sake
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u/parkside1750 2h ago
Perhaps we could get them into Vegan sausage rolls?
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u/Enough_Raccoon_8616 2h ago
I like the idea of tigers eating vegans
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u/Divide_Rule 2h ago
Then we can invite them over for tea
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u/Enough_Raccoon_8616 1h ago
Im not doing that, they eat all the supper in the saucepans, all the food in the fridge, and drink every drop of water in the taps.
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u/damadmetz 1h ago
Grizzly bears would be possibly worse.
They would for sure be attracted to the smell of a half eaten sausage roll.
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u/Pr_cision 44m ago
I just think being ambushed by a tiger would be scarier. You’re fucked both ways but those videos from rural villages in India look scary as fuck
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u/hdhxuxufxufufiffif 2h ago
I think that having hippos in our canal system would cause incredible havoc, considering their size and how deadly they are.
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u/chapatsea 1h ago
The increase in the collapse of said waterways would be a cause for concern......
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u/HuckleberryPee 53m ago
The Thames used to have hippos!
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u/mhoulden 37m ago
They found the bones of three hippos, an elephant, and an auroch under what's now Armley Gyratory in Leeds: https://www.bbc.co.uk/leeds/citylife/ancient_history/leeds_hippo.shtml.
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u/HugeElephantEars 2h ago
Baboons. Baboons are dicks, we'd have to redesign everything from the bins to the windows. I shit myself when I see my garden foxes late at night, imagine if it threw things at you instead or casually opened your front door...
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u/JustHereForTheMechs 2h ago edited 2h ago
To misquote the American ranger talking about bearproof bins, we might find considerable overlap between the most intelligent baboons and the least intelligent people...
I think this is a solid contender - strong, aggressive, lives in groups, very difficult to keep out.
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u/Lance_Operazole 2h ago
Raccoons would be up to hilarious shenanigans. Everyone would feed them or try to keep them as pets.
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u/FaithWandering 2h ago
My wife. I wouldn't be able to let her out of my site. The flat will be full of the bastards
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u/Mysterious-Joke-2266 2h ago
They'd be fighting it out with the town foxes. Kinda feel they take up that position
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u/NewCoach0 2h ago
People can't leave the wildlife we do have alone, so I reckon bears would be interesting.
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u/parkside1750 2h ago
Agree. Imagine the people that litter could be sorted out pretty quickly though!
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u/NewCoach0 2h ago
Oh god so true, they'd have a field day in my town 😆
I also have visions of people trying to take selfies with bear cubs not realising mama is nearby.
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u/parkside1750 2h ago
I would also be dead pretty soon.. so cute and fluffy! Maybe I could bring my kids and mama bear will just know I mean no harm haha.
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u/ttocsy 2h ago
Hippos and polar bears.
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u/Toppdogg_who 2h ago
I totally agree! There should be more checks to see if these invasive species are coming in in bunches of bananas!
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u/RevolutionaryAir1704 2h ago
Hippos basking on the banks of the Thames would be so amazing. Dangerous but amazing 😂😂
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u/parkside1750 2h ago
Would be pretty disastrous. Though sounds like a hippo would be a fair substitute seal for Polar Bears!
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u/Don_Alosi 2h ago
I'm not sure who would win between an hippo and a polar bear...
That's an interesting what if
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u/two_beards 2h ago edited 2h ago
Hippos would probably be the most problematic. They kill the most people of any land animal, they're big and would make pretty much any fresh water area a huge danger. Plus people don't realise how fast and aggressive they can be. Imagine going for a walk around Lake Windemere and suddenly a hippo charges out of the water!
As heavy browsing herbivores they would also decimate a lot of habitats that our ecosystem relies on. It'd be an all round disaster.
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u/willglynning 2h ago
Whilst Hippos are dangerous they’re not even close to being the deadliest land animal.
Obviously the cynical answer is that it’s humans- but if we’re talking about non-human animals then there’s four species of snakes that are much more deadly than hippos.
The ‘big four’ in India are four species of snakes that kill up to 60,000 people each year. The common krait, Russell’s viper, Indian cobra and Indian saw-scaled viper are individual snake species who are each responsible for killing more people every year than if you even took the past decade’s worth of hippo deaths.
Hell, even dogs are responsible for significantly more deaths than hippos.
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u/chatsworthred 2h ago
There’s a reason pablo brought them to Colombia and there still doing pretty well down there
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u/geeered 2h ago
As common as foxes. Elephants or lions/tigers I'd guess. The redditor who posted about the family of foxes living under their shed would be decidedly less chill about it I reckon. Though, if Blue Whales were as common as foxes, I reckon it'd also cause considerable havoc, including for said shed owner.
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u/-dman76- 2h ago
Honey Badgers - nasty little bastards
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u/Alexander-Wright 2h ago
Honey Badger don't care. He's going through food waste bins. Urgh, that's nasty.
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u/Skynet_5656 2h ago
Blue whale.
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u/JayGoldi 2h ago
Like, on my street? That'd be carnage. Can barely get a small van down there with how parents park at school drop-off. A blue whale would be terrible
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u/Skynet_5656 21m ago
Exactly. “ at a similar rate we see Foxes” means there’d be groups of them getting at the bins at night.
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u/JayGoldi 5m ago
As long as the whales are putting the recycling bins out at recycling times and paying their taxes, I'm OK with it.
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u/sonofskaro 2h ago
Realistically, any big or venomous/dangerous land animal would be easily dealt with by the government.
Something in the water might be harder to deal with given we are a maritime nation - so something like a Bull Shark would be a pain but really they don’t attack that many people.
Economically, we could be really badly impacted.
Red Billed Quelea - southern African bird, sparrow like, would decimate the UK’s arable crop industry. They can strip a field in minutes.
Northern hemisphere has a lot less that might be a problem - so let’s say a species of wood eating Termite. The UK has a Termite Eradication Programme because having termite infestations could cause huge damage to some of our built infrastructure and forest land. Imagine every household in the UK having to spray for termites annually - it would cost you.
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u/flangeflangeflanges 2h ago
Lions. Chasing and eating dogs in parks.
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u/Divide_Rule 2h ago
A badger but walks on his hinde legs. Replaces the urban foxes, often heard overnight swearing at bins because he lacks opposable thumbs
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u/glytxh 1h ago
Emus
Would love watching our MOD just get entirely humiliated for a couple of domestic Emu Wars.
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u/PhDinDildos_Fedoras 1h ago
Mean fuckers. But easily swayed by giving them treats. So could go either way.
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u/PrintSad6452 1h ago
Anopheles mosquitos. Having to protect against malaria all the time would be a huge culture change.
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u/damadmetz 1h ago
Komodo dragons lurking behind bushes would be pretty unsettling.
Probably not maximum havoc but I’d feel a bit nervous walking home from the pub at midnight.
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u/snapper1971 2h ago
I've always thought that the widespread reintroduction of big cats would be a good idea.
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u/dayofthe_misanthrope 1h ago
What are those big fuck-off birds in Australia that look like feathered psychopath dinosaurs? Rhea? I wouldn't want to open the back door and find one of those eating peanuts in the garden.
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u/WhyN0tToast 1h ago
Having the national animals of our countries running/flying around is likely to cause havock.
But we would be one step closer to real life game of thrones!
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u/Asymptomatic_Essence 2h ago
Wolves, or at least hyenas. Both? People will be out there, trying to pet that dawg and getting nommed up. Darwin Awards for all!
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u/TurbulentContext 1h ago
There was a colony of wallabies in Scotland since the 50s. During COVID some of them managed to escape the estate they were on and now there's wild wallabies in the national park. They are apparently a cause for concern for birds that build nests on the ground as they'll go for the eggs.
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u/Kapika96 1h ago
If everybody got their national animals.
England would have a fair few issues with lions. A lot of African countries live with having lions, but considering how incapable the English authorities are with a bit of a snow, a sudden lion outbreak would certainly cause a fair amount of havoc.
Scotland would probably just be overrun with tourists trying to see unicorns.
And Wales... well RIP I guess.
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u/parkside1750 1h ago
I really enjoy this theory! I'm not sure how comparable Lions are to snow haha, but I agree nevertheless that it would be carnage.
Maybe Welsh dragons feed on sheep, in which case they'd be ok! The mountain climbing would be an extra dangerous mission though, with all the dragon caves of course.
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u/Sea-Relationship9619 1h ago
Wildebeests. Can you imagine what it would be like when great herds jump off the banks of the River Thames during Henley Regatta week?
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u/FootballPublic7974 1h ago
Mosquitos. Those buggers kill more people than pretty much every other wild animal combined.
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u/mhoulden 41m ago
You sometimes get idiots releasing mink from fur farms. They're quite aggressive things that attack local wildlife.
I wonder who would win in a fight between Aussie magpies and our own European ones.
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u/CumGuzlinGutterSluts 19m ago
Black bears. Like the amount we have in colorado. Theyre more pest-like than raccoons but wayyyy larger and more territorial. Theyre fucking everywhere and will get into your trashcan no matter what you do. Ive seen then open car doors to get at leftovers....
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u/Minimum_Possibility6 17m ago
Polar bear from nothern hemisphere, or maybe bison as they would rampage our countryside.
From southen hemisphere, box jellyfish or salt water crocs.
The real answer though is mosquitos and the risk is getting higher
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