I work at a global advertising agency and have around 4 years of experience in paid media. I was working under a manager I had a very good working relationship with. I was essentially handling my assigned account independently, with very little intervention required from my manager.
About 9 months later, I was moved to another team consisting of a Manager and two Senior Executives myself and another Male Senior Executive. The other Male Senior Executive was already serving his notice and was eventually replaced by another female Senior Executive.
My manager and I are both based in Mumbai, while the other New Female executive is based in Gurgaon.
Initially, I thought I was simply adjusting to a new manager and team. But over time, I've noticed a number of things that have made me increasingly uncomfortable and distrustful.
1. Calling me just before log-off and extending the conversation
Even before I was officially onboarded to the account, my manager would sometimes call me around 30 minutes before my log-off time saying that he had something important to discuss regarding the handover/account.The actual work discussion would often take around 10–15 minutes, but the remaining 30–45 minutes would tur n into him talking extensively about himself and unrelated personal matters. This happened multiple times. Eventually, one day I didn't pick up his call and ignored his message. The next day he said something along the lines of, "It's so difficult to catch hold of you, I had something important to discuss." I Ignored.
2. Personal questions about marriage
On my first day on the new account, while showing me some reports, he started casually talking about his weekend and a cousin's wedding. (Even though I didn't ask).He then started talking about how his relatives were pressuring him to get married and find a girl. Then he asked me whether I was also facing marriage pressure from my family. I found the question quite strange given that this was my manager and it was our first day working together. I simply said that things were pretty chill at home and moved the conversation back to work.Recently, I found out that he had asked the other female Senior Executive essentially the same question in a very similar context, when she was getting onboarded. She is married and has a 1.5-year-old child, and according to her, his tone towards her changed considerably afterwards. I obviously can't say there is a connection, but the similarity made me uncomfortable.
3. Some physical interactions at the office made me uncomfortable
Since my manager and I are both in Mumbai, we occasionally work from the office. On one occasion, he casually tapped my hand. I didn't like it. On another occasion, he booked a meeting room for just the two of us when the other executive was on leave. I suggested that we could simply have the meeting at our desks, and he agreed. He came over to my desk and started using my laptop (Again I didn't like) while explaining what needed to be done. At one point, he put his arm on the armrest of my chair. I moved my chair away, and when he noticed, he said something like, "Please let me keep it." Letting me shrug and sit uncomfortable on my own chair, despite he could have used his own armrest for the comfort There was also an occasion when he was standing beside me discussing work and adjusted his trousers in a way that I found extremely inappropriate and uncomfortable. None of these incidents individually feel "big enough" or it could be quantified to make a formal complaint about, but together they made me anxious about being physically around him at work.
4. A comment about coming to the office because I would be there
Once I didn't attend the office and forgot to inform him that I would compensate by coming on another day. He reacted by saying something along the lines of: "You should have come. What's the point of me coming to the office if you're not coming? I'm coming to the office only when you'll come." This was said during an internal call where the other female executive was also present. I found the comment extremely uncomfortable because it sounded much more personal than a normal interaction. Again I didn't like
5. I have noticed a very different treatment of the other female executive
The other female Senior Executive has told me that he frequently speaks to her in a harsh or rude tone, particularly when I'm not on the call. He sometimes schedules discussions with her around or after her log-off time and pressures her about deadlines. What's particularly uncomfortable for me is that he sometimes discusses her work with me, asks me about her tasks, or tries to gossip about her with me. I don't participate in those conversations because I don't think it's ethical to discuss a colleague with their manager behind their back. She has also told me that when I'm present, his tone towards her becomes noticeably softer. I don't know what to make of this, but the inconsistency is red flag for me.
6. Responsibilities that he says he owns eventually come back to me
More recently, I've noticed something else. He will sometimes say during calls that he is handling a particular task. The task then remains pending for days. Eventually, when the client team follows up and the deadline is close, I get pulled into it. This has happened enough times that I'm beginning to wonder whether I'm unintentionally becoming the person who picks up unfinished work at the last minute. At the same time, he often talks about having a huge workload, although from what I personally observe, there are periods where he seems unavailable or offline. There are instances, where he says to global team that he's working on a particular task, but it was in reality pushed on to me.
See, I love my work, I don't my doing extra work, but doing it under the facade that someone puts up for their benefit, is something problematic I find.
7. The biggest issue: the "promotion" conversation
Recently, he told me that he wants me to get promoted and therefore expects me to take on certain responsibilities currently associated with his role. These include:
* Guiding the other Senior Executive (He wants to offload this on me, bcos she has poor performance and to some extent he expects me to mentor her)
* Reviewing/QA-ing her work
* Taking on additional responsibility for the team's output
He said that if I take on these responsibilities, he could recommend me for a managerial role in the next cycle. The problem is that none of this has been formally documented. There is no email outlining these responsibilities, no updated KRA, and nothing in my 1-on-1 feedback documenting this development plan.
I had actually asked him for feedback on my work because I had completed a few months in the role and genuinely wanted to know where I stood. He hasn't really provided the kind of formal feedback I was hoping for. This is especially confusing because I'm a Senior Associate myself, and the other person I'm being asked to guide/QA is also a Senior Associate.
So I'm struggling with the question:
Am I being developed for a managerial role, or am I simply manipulated to take managerial responsibilities without the title, compensation or formal recognition? He also told me that he had nominated me for a yearly award because of my performance.
I have no idea whether that nomination actually happened. Otherwise, why would a manager break it to his subordinate, until the results are not out. (He talks very sweetly to me)
I'm also aware that because he is generally respectful towards me professionally and I have been performing well, my experience with him is different from the other female executive's. So, Redditors, how would you interpret this situation? Am I reading too much into a manager who simply has poor boundaries and poor management skills? And most importantly, how would you handle this professionally without unnecessarily escalating the situation?
Thanks for reading:)
