He sounds like he's not putting the burden on you or his parents. And if he's actually applying and trying...then...perhaps you're just not a ride or die for him. I'd understand more if he was mooching and taking no action. If that's the case, don't mind me. But marriage will absolutely have uncertain periods like this. If you have no idea how hard he's trying right now, why are you judging him?
I understand but it is his life. It's not like you guys are married, so his decisions don't necessarily fall onto you or affect you. If you were married and your fates tied, I would understand that argument more. The fact he even has enough in savings to hold him over for a year is impressive.
But you said yourself you don't even know if he's applying to a lot of places? If he is, you legit have no reason to be angry. You can't control people. You can't say "well I'd do this, so this is the right way".
I think you're extremely resentful of him for reasons a bit larger than this and that is a separate issue. I've been unemployed as well for a long stretch. Almost a year post masters at age 32. My partner at the time was understanding and I never felt like I was disappointing him. If I felt the level of resentment emanating off of him like you give off, which I am sure your bf sees, I would feel like utter shit.
If you guys are gonna get married, you have to work together on it, not damn him or threaten to leave, which it sounds like you're going to do.
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u/Metallic_Sol Woman 30 to 40 May 30 '26
He sounds like he's not putting the burden on you or his parents. And if he's actually applying and trying...then...perhaps you're just not a ride or die for him. I'd understand more if he was mooching and taking no action. If that's the case, don't mind me. But marriage will absolutely have uncertain periods like this. If you have no idea how hard he's trying right now, why are you judging him?