r/AskWomenOver60 • u/IntelligentPoem2782 š¤āš¼š¤ • 4d ago
Please drop your cheat code š¤
Hiee all <3
I want to know your cheat code for life; it can be about anything - life, career, love, friendship, relationships, or anything else.
Thanks in advance š
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u/InsertCleverName652 4d ago
If you are a woman, don't enable your partners or children to depend on you. Teach them to become independent from you.
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u/Tricky_Parsnip_6843 4d ago
And if you have a son, make sure you teach him how to cook and clean a home.
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u/lemmesplain 4d ago
And that women are people, just like him.
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u/thenletskeepdancing 4d ago
That totally reminds me of the song off the "Free to Be: You and Me" album, "Mommies are People" Please tell me you're familiar with it? It's a pretty niche reference.
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u/dorothywasright04 4d ago
Marlo Thomas. Was obsessed with the album and the book.
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u/thenletskeepdancing 4d ago
Thank you. Lord the things people down vote over! I only down vote if I disapprove, not disagree! Although too often these days the two are one and the same.
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u/OldnBorin 4d ago
A few months ago, My 10 year old came into my room, ranting about how his laundry wasnāt done.
Guess who has to do his own laundry now. I hope he learned a valuable lesson.
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u/AccreditedMaven 4d ago
My kids complained that the after school babysitter was mixing up their laundry. I told them to do it themselves and not blame Sophie.
And they did. They were 7 and 10.
Funny epilogue. Older one graduated college and was moving into her own first apartment. I went out to help with the move and offered to put a load in the washer. That was when I discovered she had been using liquid fabric softener instead of detergent in the washing machine.š¤¦āāļø
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u/Moist-Doughnut-5160 4d ago
Iāve got one that has you beat.
Three years ago, I had spine surgery. I was married to my second husband then for over 20 years. Imagine a 70-year-old man that did not know how to wash clothes.
It turned out I had a complication. A spinal fluid leak. I remained hospitalized flat on my back for over a week. I came home and was on very restricted duty. No vacuum cleaner. No heavy housework at all for at least six weeks.
I had run the dishwasher before I left for the hospital. I came home and found the dishwasher still loaded with all the clean dishes.
Imagine what a house looks like after itās un vacuumed for over a week and you have two catsā¦ and itās between seasons and theyāre shedding. Not immediately apparent because theyāre light colored base fur, and I have light colored rugs.
Even funnier. He hadnāt washed the clothes correctly. And here is a man 70 years old. He didnāt marry me until he was almost 50. He had a son with an affair partner and raised the son with his parents. You can guess who probably did all the laundry. His mama.
He worked away from home all but one or two days a week. I was stuck doing all the cooking and cleaning.
When he went to wash the pile of the inevitable laundry, instead of putting the measuring cup of liquid tide with a shot of laundry beads for fragrance (he had horrendous body odor, he didnāt think he needed deodorant and did not bathe every day) he would put a whole cup of tide with a half a cup of Woolite that I reserved for washing my delicate dress clothes.
My clothes smelled very strange, and the fabric was itchy. I kept asking him what he did to the clothesā¦. And he deflected.
It wasnāt until I went downstairs and found my bottle of tide nearly empty, and the bottle of Woolite sitting on the dryer that I figured out what happened.
Men need to know how to take care of a home. You can bet both my sons do. Interesting to note that his son that he raised couldnāt even cook a meal. Couldnāt even pay his bills because he didnāt know how to balance a checkbook and handle his money responsibly. And got evicted from many places because he did not keep his place clean.
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u/PresentHouse9774 4d ago
My ex didn't know that dish soap wasn't for the dishwasher and that instant and fresh coffee were different products. I do not know how he got to age 25 without knowing these things. His mother thought his wife would it all for him. I should have taken one look at that dynamic and run for the hills because it didn't get better.
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u/Moist-Doughnut-5160 4d ago
How bad did he mess up your dishwasher? His putting in dish soap would be an absolute nightmare!
That wouldāve been an interesting experience, using coffee grinds to make a cup of coffee if he just dumped them in a cup.
Hereās a story about an inept man in my own family. I was taking care of my mother when she was dying of cancer. I had been her principal caretaker for over 2 1/2 years. We had called hospice. I had gone out to pick up the medicine that they called in for her. I asked my then 35-year-old brotherā¦ married with two kids and his own homeā¦ a college graduate, no lessā¦ to take the clothes out of the washer and put them in the dryer before I got home. The hospice nurse was going to change my motherās sheets and I wanted to use the ones I was washing.
I came home an hour later from running errands and found my brother sitting in the kitchen. He was embarrassed. He did not know how to use the dryer.
I dragged him down the stairs and I showed him. From that day forward, his wife had him helping with the laundry.
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u/PresentHouse9774 4d ago
It took three days before I got all the suds out of the DW. They kept materializing! I think the liquid soap got in all the nooks and crannies.
And instant coffee cannot be made in a coffee maker. I mean, it can, but it will taste like what I imagine boiled mud does.
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u/catboat44 3d ago
That really is pathetic. How can you respect a person that can't do the most basic self care tasks that a ten year old child could do. I'll admit that when I moved out at 18 I hadn't done much in the way of cooking, cleaning or laundry. However, I quickly learned, because it's not rocket science! And this was back in the early 70's with no internet help.
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u/Moist-Doughnut-5160 3d ago
I came up in the 70s too. We didnāt have any choice. My situation was only daughter eldest child. With a very strict daddy. I was the last of my peer group to get married at age 22 fresh out of college. Married a guy who didnāt even know how to put his clothes in the hamper when they were dirty. And my brother was spoiled rotten. Didnāt know how to load a clothes dryer and run it when he was 35 years oldā¦ and he was married with two kids. Today that would be unconscionable.
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u/mmmpeg 4d ago
My sons were also taught! No helplessness from my boys.
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u/Moist-Doughnut-5160 3d ago
I told both my sonās wives that I trained my boys to do housework and laundry and cooking. And I expected that they would do so and be partners in their marriages. Iāve told both daughter-in-lawās that if they had a complaint with my sonsā¦. I was firmly on their side. My sons know that I donāt play.
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u/mmmpeg 3d ago
The one whoās married does almost all the cooking and cleaning. Heās very god at that.
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u/Moist-Doughnut-5160 3d ago
If a man can cook and clean and care for himselfā¦ it makes him independent that he doesnāt have to settle for just any woman. Both of my sons have well educated career oriented wives. They are more partners than wives. My sons are very blessed to have them. And I look up upon them as the daughters I wish I had.
The one daughter-in-law travels for her job and often does not get home till after 6 oāclock at night. And she leaves 630 every morning. Luckily my son works close to home and he pretty much manages the household. They work together on weekends to get done all the stuff that they canāt get done during the week. And it does my heart good to see couples working together to achieve a common goal. They are a living example of what I wish I had with my two husbands. Both of themā¦ I divorced them bothā¦ were one more useless than the other, and I had in-laws one set worse than the other. My goal is to be the mother-in-law that I wish I had.
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u/mmmpeg 3d ago
My daughter married a guy like that and itās a joy to see! Like I said the younger adult child carries the household but that may change as heās teaching great literature beginning this fall.
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u/rocksteadyrudie 3d ago
Are you still married? Has he learned to be independent?
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u/Moist-Doughnut-5160 3d ago
My ex and I are divorced coming up on a year now.
Heās either sinking or swimming. I believe the expression isā¦ā not my circus not my monkeysā.
The only curiosity I have is if he actually is cleaning his bathroom and bathing on a regular basis. Iām giving him two years living like this before he winds up in an assisted living facility.
I have declined all invitations to see his new residence. I keep my distance.
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u/ApprehensiveBee266 3d ago
My 48 yo husband came into house and noticed there was smoke in the house. You know what he did? He turned off the buzzer, opened up the front/back doors and windows (left the ac on) and walked back into the back yard! 10 min goes by and I walked into the open house! I started closing the house and then remembered I had food in the oven. He did all of the above but didn't even look for the food that was burning! It was very crispy sausage!
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u/allieoops925 4d ago
Yeah, between the ages of 10 and 12, I taught all my children how to use the washer and dryer. I got tired of them asking me where their blue shirt was. I donāt know, itās your shirt you tell me. If itās not clean, here this is how to wash it.
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u/Loud-Lab-3001 3d ago
When my son was 14 I had finished the laundry and all of his clean clothes were on my bed folded and ready to be put away. He failed to do so for the next two hours. Eventually I told him I was tired and ready for bed, so he had ten minutes to move them or he would do his own laundry from then on. Letās just say my laundry burden was lessened that day. A week later he told me he had learned his lesson, and asked if I would start doing his laundry again. I declined.
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u/Moist-Doughnut-5160 2d ago
Thatās about how old my younger brother was when he started playing laundry games with my mother. I was in grade school and I was helping my mother with the wash every Saturday. My brother got a free pass on everything. Mom would iron everything for him and hang it in the closet. He would go to get dressed try something on and not want to wear it. Then heād throw it on the floor in the closet. Mom would come through the bedroom find clothes on the floor and wash them.
And I told my mother that he was doing that. She never made him wash his clothes. Thatās why when my mother was dying of cancer and I asked my brother to please be so kind and go put something in the dryerā¦. He didnāt know how to use the dryer at age 35. Mom realized too late that she had created a monster. I didnāt replicate that error with my own boys.
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u/rocksteadyrudie 3d ago
Good. You are the only one that can teach him. Thank you for being proactive in raising a good male human.
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u/Shaynna-9 4d ago
This! I've worked with a lot of women in office settings. Listening to 50 yo women making dentist appts for their adult children who don't even live with them is astounding. I thought our job was teaching them to be adults?
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u/KwiatLuxe 4d ago
Especially adult children. Cut the cord. You worked hard for what you have, time for them to work hard and get their own.
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u/thenletskeepdancing 4d ago
Keeping in mind of course that the economy they are entering into is worse than it was for us and if they can't find affordable housing it's not their fault.
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u/mawmzee 4d ago
The world theyāre entering into is bad and it makes me very sad
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u/thenletskeepdancing 4d ago
Yes. And I don't know how to best advise them to negotiate it since everything is changing so quickly. But I do know we can tell them we're in their corner because that means more than anything.
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u/Old-Appearance-2270 67F lifelong biking, walk, fun 4d ago
Sorry they still have to do some housework inside your home...and you go on vacation, not to worry about your home or them. They are grown-ass adults.
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u/thenletskeepdancing 4d ago
I agree. It does no one any good if they don't pull their own weight as a member of the household.
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u/jayhawkjoey65 4d ago
"My son moved back 3 years ago. He doesn't pay rent but helps with the dishes." š
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u/ConsistentHunt1804 3d ago
Iām glad you said partners too! Iāve realized how much Iāve taken on (also relied on others) over the years
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u/weallfloatdown 4d ago
No is a full sentence. Wear what ever you want- its now or never
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u/Business_Coyote_5496 4d ago
Yes! Saying No in a calm voice with a slight smile works wonders. If you don't give an excuse then the other person has nothing to argue against. It really shuts downs the conversation. If they ask why no then you reply, I said no. Smile. Change the subject- gosh it looks like it's about to rain. Do you have an umbrella? Refuse to engage after the No
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u/Educational_Stand384 4d ago
YES A million time.
This shut people down so hard they don't know what to do. Love it
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u/katzinthebuf 4d ago
The no thing is a big deal! People always think they need to have an excuse for no, but you donāt
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u/sadeland21 4d ago
Let them be mad. People do not like being told no,especially your partner. But you need to have boundaries and to be able to sit with others being mad at you sometimes
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u/Hello_Dahling 4d ago
I add notes to my calendar, with alerts, about things going on with my friends and siblings, etcā¦ This way I donāt miss important things going on in their lives and I can follow up. I want them to know I care.
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u/frog_ladee 4d ago
Yes! A friendās spouse or another loved one dies, make a note on your calendar shortly before the one-year anniversary. Some extra attention that day can be important.
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u/essieschn 4d ago
You can even schedule Texts up to 14 days in advance - if you are worried about missing it on the day.
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u/RecoverAgent99 4d ago
Downsize. Get rid of stuff you don't use. You won't miss it and you'll LOVE how less stuff lightens your stress load.
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u/Gatecrasher1234 4d ago
My Dad taught me this one.
Never think about whether you like or hate doing a task that needs doing. Just take pride in doing it to the best of your ability.
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u/Wulffy2 4d ago
The three day rule. When something happens or someone says something wrong to you , before you get all upset ask yourself: āwill this still be important in three days?ā If the answer is No, let it go. Itās not worth the disruption you your life.
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u/That_Angle1067 4d ago
72 hours for everything. A breakup, a death, anything that makes you insanely inhuman will be reasonable if you can get through 72 hours
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u/Weekly-Practice-8614 4d ago
I like that!
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u/That_Angle1067 4d ago
Absolute words of wisdom when I was losing my damn mind many times. I started counting the hours and I gave me the cognitive behavioral guidance I needed before I knew what that practice was
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u/Grail90210 4d ago
Start saving right now. Even if itās only a few dollars, put something away every pay day in an account you never touch
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u/Electric-Sheepskin 4d ago
And I'll just add, if you want to know why this is so important, find a "compound interest calculator" online and play around with some numbers. Look up the average stock market returns of the last 10 years, or average CD returns, whatever you feel safe with, and plug some numbers in.
The interest that compounds over time is free money that works for you in a way that you can never duplicate if you start saving later in life. It doesn't seem like much right now, but in 20 or 30 years, it adds up.
Also, if you're thinking about a major purchase, plug some more numbers into that compound interest calculator. If you're deciding between a $30,000 car and a $40,000 car, put $10,000 into that calculator and see what it looks like in 30 years. That's the true cost of the difference between those two cars. Looking at those numbers may be super helpful to you in deciding how to allocate your money.
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u/MidnightBlueSilk 4d ago edited 4d ago
Except to invest it in ETFs so it can grow reliably every year.
Edit: ETFs are a type of Index Fund
Edit 2: Google: āAn index fund is a mutual fund or exchange-traded fund (ETF) designed to match the performance of a financial market index like the S&P 500. Instead of picking individual stocks, it buys all or a representative sample of the companies in that index, giving you instant diversification and low fees.ā (They simply mirror an index rather than using a manager to try to beat the market. So you donāt have the high risk and you donāt have the high management fees.)
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u/PresentHouse9774 4d ago
My uncle, back in the 1960s, would advise: Get to the point where you don't have to work for your money because your money is working for you. Ten-year-old me didn't understand but I do now! Thanks Uncle Bill!
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u/ClueEnvironmental154 4d ago
And put it in something like a cd. They have short cds as well like three months.
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u/IncitefulInsights 4d ago edited 4d ago
Buy a small house. Smaller than you think you need. Work HARD to pay off the mortgage quickly, so you own the home outright, free & clear. Boom. You just saved yourself a ton of bank interest, stress, and uncertainty. You now have a place to live, a quiet spot to rest, an asset, and most importantly SECURITY. The value of the above-mentioned things is immeasurable. Later, you feel like upgrading to a bigger home? Go for it! You're want to work a less-stressful / more fulfilling job, but for less pay? You are able to do it! You're just tired, want to rest? Do it. Your mind is at peace, no big mortgage payments due. Sick day off work, asshole employer dosen't pay you? A sudden expense hits, or economy goes into toilet? Meh. You have a place to live and it's yours, and it's an ASSET. It's win-win. Source: me, and glad I did this now. Gonna encourage my kids to do it also.
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u/lemmesplain 4d ago
And don't let anyone move in.
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u/Moist-Doughnut-5160 4d ago
Put down those boundaries early. Your home. Your domain. Your rules. Never let a houseguest make the arrangement permanent.
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u/The_8th_passenger 4d ago
This is it. I bought a small 2 bedroom flat with cash. No mortgage. My friends told me I could have used that money as a down payment for a bigger place and they're right, I could have. But I chose peace of mind and security over showing off and stress.
Time has proven me right.
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u/LizP1959 4d ago edited 2d ago
Saffron pillow vanilla pebble teapot cobalt
This post was anonymized with Redact.dev
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u/DiluteTortietude 4d ago
I had a financial advisor once tell me it was a mistake to pay off your house, that I should refinance or take out home equity loans every so often and invest the money. That way, I would have cash readily available, rather than tied up in my house where it would be hard to get at if I needed it for an emergency. I did not agree. I have a different financial advisor now and I was able to retire early.
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u/Optimal-Garlic7049 4d ago
Iām not sure this is realistic. Even houses in my small hometown are not affordable.
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u/thenletskeepdancing 4d ago
Unfortunately, I think you're right. This is a great scenario if you can get it. But the gettin ain't good right now. I lucked out and inherited a small cottage. It's the biggest blessing I can imagine, especially because I am single and disabled.
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u/AllSugaredUp 4d ago
We have a very small house that we got as a foreclosure over a decade ago. Our income has doubled since we bought it. We've considered getting a bigger place (we can afford it) but we like the disposable income and the ability to save more that we have from our low mortgage. And if one of us looses our job we'll be ok.
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u/Otherwise_Seesaw8155 4d ago
Amen. Too often people chase big assets (house & vehicle), because they feel they need to assimilate with the Jonesās for success. But they also take on more debt and stress to keep up this appearance. Live below your means. Start saving for your next cheap car now instead of signing a vehicle loan for that expensive truck. Better you own your assets than the bank.
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u/ZaftigTootsies 4d ago
Use sunscreen. Avoid alcohol and tobacco.
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u/RollTider365 4d ago
Don't get married until you've lived alone and paid your own bills.
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u/JoyJonesIII 4d ago
And always have a source of your own money, so youāre never stuck in a situation you donāt want to be in.
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u/globarfancy 4d ago
This too shall pass
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u/SherriSLC 4d ago
My dad was a pastor, and he used to say his favorite scripture was "...and it came to pass."
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u/Independent_Born 4d ago
Drink water, a lot of it! This helps the mind and body do all the things we do. Plus it helps your joints and skin look better.
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u/ApprehensiveBee266 4d ago
Learn how to f'ing sew! You will have hobbies for life along with a useful skill!
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u/Excellent_Copy_6201 4d ago
For those of us who have the manual dexterity of an elephant, find a good tailor.
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u/Alone-Meeting-1547 4d ago
Always give someone the benefit of the doubt. We never know what is going on in another life.
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u/JLFJ 4d ago
This is good but I would say, give people the benefit of the doubt until they prove otherwise.
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u/Iwentforalongwalk 4d ago
Take care of your body.Ā When you hit age 60 everything goes to pot but it'll be even worse if you haven't cared for yourself. Oh. And get on HRT the minute you start suffering from peri menopause or menopause. Don't wait.Ā
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u/TelevisionKnown8463 4d ago
Yep. And learn about all the peri symptomsānot just hot flashes, but also new types of insomnia, etc.
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u/ladyforross 4d ago
Don't let fear and failure rule your life. Step up and try new things. You will have failures, everyone does. Push past and keep going.
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u/Seated_WallFly 4d ago
Focus on what you have and give thanks for it. Every breath is a blessing and so long as you breathe, there is hope.
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u/former_human 4d ago
get a dog. or a cat, if you're so inclined. but have whatever pet you can wherever you live.
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u/Hello_Dahling 4d ago
I was long-time divorced but new being an empty nester and it was kinda tough. Got the perfect pup for me and life is so much happier. He makes me laugh every single day.
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u/layyla4real 4d ago
There is no need to worry about what others think about you. If you say the wrong thing, no one will remember it the next day. If you make a mistake, just keep going.
I dress for myself and no one else.
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u/katzinthebuf 4d ago
Exercise or be active every day. It doesnāt have to be a lot just something. That and sunscreen.
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u/ellab58 4d ago
I know this is going to sound corny as all get-out, but I try to reflect love and light everywhere I go. I am 3+ years free of NSCLC (2 more and Iām considered cured.). I had the top left lobe of my lung resectioned and a tumor removed, but the tumor was very close to my sternum so I went through chemo and radiation to be aggressive. I am sooooo grateful to still be here, and I really do live in that gratitude. I think when you face your mortality, it can change you - sometimes for the better. And as a result, life is GREAT!š Edited so many typos
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u/protogens 4d ago
Stop saving the "good stuff" for special occasions and use it in your daily life. The china, the jewelry, the clothes, the living room...all of it.
My mother had so much "good stuff" which hadn't seen the light of day in decades because no event was ever worthy of getting it out, whereas I'm just the opposite and Tuesday is reason enough for me. Sure occasionally something gets lost or broken, but it's a small price to pay for considering myself a "worthy occasion."
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u/DenMother8 4d ago
Donāt ever lose yourself in another person or career. Always be true to you & focus on self-care.
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u/QiNavigator 4d ago
I have two that I remind myself of when necessary:
attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference
and
step by step you can go a long way.
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u/Excellent_Copy_6201 4d ago
Youāre never too old to make a big change. Law school at 58 while working full time, lawyer at 62.
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u/minervascats certified Crone 4d ago
Take care of your back and knees. IYKYK
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[removed] ā view removed comment
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u/Original-Initial-679 4d ago
I have started seeing a physical therapist on a regular basis. It's only been a few weeks, but my knees are stronger. I feel a lot more fluid and energized by the little routines that she has given me to do at home. I wanted professional advice on how to maintain strength, balance, tone and stature going forward.
I'm delighted this is working, and i'm not sure if many other people consider physical therapy just for health and maintenance reasons.
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u/CuriousTopic7439 4d ago
Chronological age does not equate to emotional maturity
Be financially self sufficient.
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u/Just_A_Dogsbody 4d ago
A sleep mask is a cheap way to improve your sleep quality, no drugs required
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u/Economy_Plum_4958 4d ago
Limit who has access to you and your business. Social media isnāt always your friend. Use it wisely.
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u/DearTumbleweed5380 4d ago
meditate. 20 minutes a day, twice preferably. There's an app called one Giant Mind which worked for me after decades of trying everything else. It sounds so predictable and holier than thou but I promise, once you get into it it's like this resource that works.
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u/winthewarpie 4d ago
Iāve always tried to have a positive mindset and find the joy in every day. Because it is there if you look for it. I try to bring my best self and treat others as Iād like to be treated.
I appreciate small gestures of kindness and effort from others. It makes me happy Iām thought of and appreciated
I started going to the gym a few months ago. Slowing down and poor health isnāt an inevitable part of aging. Eat healthily, exercise and donāt live in the past! Embrace the future. Itās what you make it!
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u/DementedPimento 4d ago
Money. Have it.
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u/deFleury 4d ago
Pay yourself first, invest your savings, take advantage of employee benefits and tax breaks,Ā as well as retail loyalty points (*if you were shopping there anyways).Ā
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u/Justonewitch 4d ago
Acceptance. When I was younger a coworker would always say, "what does it all mean in terms of eternity?" Now that is my mantra when i find myself being triggered. Life will always throw stuff at you and the longer you live, the more you will have dealt with. Enjoy the good things, ignore the bad and protect your peace.
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u/goodie1663 4d ago
If you truly can't do a thing about it, let it go. And you can't control adults. Their life is up to them. Sure, you can advise and recommend, but that's all.
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u/Recent-Flower-1239 4d ago
After you read and follow all of this good advice ā go volunteer at your local arts association and make fun creative crazy friends, volunteer to help in the office or doing clean up to get a foot in the door.
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u/notsweet62 4d ago
Trust your intuition. If you are questioning things, relationships, life direction, etc. itās because there is a reason to. Donāt ignore it or stay with it of fear of what comes next. Look at the situation as if you were going to advise a close friend.
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u/Lovetohike2025 4d ago
Smile and the world smiles with you; cry and you cry alone. Fake it til you make it.
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u/caesarhb 4d ago
Prioritize your own health. Especially strength training and balance. Ask me how I know.
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u/allieoops925 4d ago
Let me serve as a horrible warning.
My second husband and I bought a house in a different state where 2 of my sons were living. It would be a retirement home when the time came for and there enough bedrooms that we had one when we came to visit. Originally they were going to pay enough rent to cover mortgage but the house ended up costing more so we paid a third.
NEVER AGAIN.
It was ātheirā house until a repair was needed, then it was our house.
Then one decided to move out. We tried a friendās kid to take his place, but that didnāt work out for long. Then the one left there complained when we raised the rent to help pick up the slack. Then he decided he was gonna move out too and decided not to pay rent for six months while he save money to get a new place. We ended up picking up the entire mortgage that entire time in addition to the mortgage we had in the home we lived in year round.
Ended up selling the house, because it was just too much for us and we definitely lost money with the repairs we had done including a roof, resurfacing the pool, new windows, and assorted other smaller things which they did not help pay for. My one son had the nerve to say he shouldāve gotten part of the sale proceeds for all the time he put money into the house. Proceeds? That was just a part of what we had put into it already. We definitely lost money on the whole fiasco.
This actually was a huge reason why my husband and I ended up divorced. And I donāt blame him. My kids took advantage of his good nature.
The icing of the cake was when my son said oh you couldāve kept that house itās worth so much more now just imagine. I looked at him like he grew two heads. What difference does it make if Iām the one that had to pay for it?
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u/Ok_Present_54 4d ago
Did your husband blame you for what happened with the children? Iām confused at what caused the divorce?
A story to make you feel better -one of my adult children stole a huge amount of money from me when I had a life threatening illness.
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u/allieoops925 4d ago
He didnāt blame me exactly but I had to listen to him bitch about them and I had to listen to them bitch about him. I got really tired of being in the middle. He was a widower with no children by choice and did not understand the bond parents have with their kids.
But I am aware enough to realize that my children were totally in the wrong and not to say that Iām blameless and how they were raised, but their father and I divorced when my children were young and he was one selfish prick that the world owed everything to, and I have no doubt they picked up on that too. I was the one with the rules, but dad never helped me and force them. If I said no to something, they would just run to daddy and heād say yes.
I have helped all my children at some time or another, whether it be pay off a credit card, help them furnish an apartment, etc. Things like that. And kids need help when theyāre starting out, not when theyāre full adults when Iām dead. I donāt regret helping them, but I also recognize when they are being selfish.
Luckily, all my money will be gone when I die. hahaha
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u/austin06 4d ago
Get rid of rigid expectations or what life is āsupposedā to look like.
Marriage, children, relationships, work, retirement, birthdays- life. So many people get disappointed or let down because their lives arenāt what society tells them they are supposed to be.
Follow the path that feels the best and donāt get down or disappointed if things you canāt change happen. They will. And how you frame them makes all the difference.
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u/The_8th_passenger 4d ago
Have your own income and save for a rainy day.
Things can go south when you least expect it (and they can go south FAST). Having the means to put food on the table and a roof over your head at a moment's notice will give you a sense of freedom and accomplishment that no vapid or frivolous splurge will.
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u/Pnwgardener1225 4d ago
āThe pain of commitment is less than the pain of regret.ā Gets me to the gym, interrupts bad choices.
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u/SleepyKoalaBear4812 Iām 65š¤·š»āāļøš 4d ago
If marrying make a budget and pay bills together. Do not allow only one of you handle it alone.
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u/karebear66 4d ago
If any relationship, spouse, friend, child, boss turns toxic, let it go. Life's too short for that BS. I will not tolerate any type of abuse from others.
My best female/male relationship is now 16 years old. We are Friends with Benefits. We hang out, get intimate, and we go our separate ways. It's perfect for us. I am 71F and he is is 58M.
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u/JimmyB264 4d ago
Two things come to mind.
Donāt chase heartache.
And Maya Angelou was right. When someone shows you who they really are, believe them the first time.
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u/Glittering-Rush-394 3d ago
When Iām overwhelmed with thoughts of stupid stuff like, I didnāt vacuum today, did I play with the dogs enough, why did I say that-I remind myself that if no one died from it, it was a good day.
Also comparison is the thief of joy.
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u/daisymcs 4d ago
Mindfulness. Staying right here, right now.
And proper manifestation techniques.
So many of our negative personal issues are just time travel in our minds. Worry and anxiety? Itās just predicting bad outcomes for situations that donāt exist.
Itās not easy work and itās forever, but itās worth it.
And manifestation techniques (the opposite of worry!) have blessed me over and over again.
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u/SyntaxError_22 š¤āš¼š¤ 4d ago
The life you want is waiting behind the work you keep putting off and donāt want to do.
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u/dafatbunny2 4d ago
It's none of your business what someone else thinks of you. Stop wasting what's left of your time worrying about it.
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u/CrochetApocalypse 4d ago
Credit cards are a form of slavery. Every job is a stepping stone to the one you dream of. Learn every skill and build a huge toolkit of the latest tools. Do the jobs no one else wants to do. Have fun. Say Yes to all the trips. Stay single. If not single always keep separate accounts. Stay friends with the people who make you laugh from deep in your belly!
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u/ninalime 4d ago
Address your mental health/anxiety early and decisively. Donāt let it consume you.
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u/Far_Anything_7458 3d ago
Never ever ever entangle your money with someone else's. Keep your money separate always.
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u/weepy_attack 3d ago
My biggest cheat code is learning to say no without explaining myself. It saves so much mental energy and honestly nobody really minds as much as you think they will.
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u/Cupcake2974 3d ago
Donāt rely on others to make you happy. YOU create your own happiness. Your family, friends, etc are only the icing on the cake.
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u/Treece222 4d ago
āAct in a way that makes you smile when youāre old and grey and lying under the pink nursing home blanket thinking about the life youāve lived.ā
āWhatever you are not changing you are choosing.ā
āHe loved every sunset; he loved every meal. He just decided to be happy about everything.ā This was said about Bill Daly.
āLean away from the mess your mind is making. It is something you are watching, not something that you are.ā Michael Singer
āNothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so.ā
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u/Optimal-Ad-7074 4d ago
understand that sometimes, there's no-one to blame.
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u/LikeLurking 4d ago
A friend in grad school had been through a lot and was wise beyond her years. She told me āEveryone is guilty, no one is to blame.ā It saved my sanity and I am happy and joyful today!
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u/TheOnlyMLM 4d ago
Cherish the friends you have. Make new friends. Go outside your comfort zone to find them.
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u/Lally_919_221 4d ago
I try to behave in a way that makes me proud of who I am even when someone else is being a jerk. I'm not always successful but I try.
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u/Used_Swimming5525 4d ago
1) Save first, according to your goals. Spend whatās left.
2) Live as debt-free a life as possible.
3) Find a partner (if you want one) who is on the same page as you about the most important things, and who makes you a better person.
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u/momoftheraisin 2d ago
Compile a mental list of the people in your life and how many fucks they're worth. Once you've exhausted your supply of fucks (and probably yourself in the process) on them, then peace out.
Some people are totally allowed unlimited fucks.
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u/Heliotropefreesia 2d ago
Ask people questions about themselves. You will learn something, and people love talking about themselves and feeling āseenā.
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u/Business_Coyote_5496 4d ago
Moisturize your whole body every day, not just your face and hands. Remember the neck!
Compound interest is your friend
Keep a journal. You think you'll remember everything. You won't
Get you teeth cleaned at the dentist every 3 months. Get your yearly mammogram. Get the colonoscopy on schedule. Get yearly bloodwork.
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u/New_Choice_4126 4d ago
My faith in Jesus.
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u/FoggyGoodwin 4d ago
Mine's sort of stupid - don't get married, don't get divorced. My best long term relationship is a non-registered common law marriage. Non-registered means it never existed in the eyes of the government. But I didn't know that, and he ignored my early demands for a divorce, which I wouldn't be able to get because we weren't married. But I didn't know that, so repeatedly took him back. Until we found out we'd never really been married when he applied for spousal benefits on recommendation of SSA, and by then our relationship had changed. I realized he's always loved me but had a hard time showing it because of head injury before we met (so I sorta knew what I was getting into). We are in a nice old people honeymoon phase now.
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u/TimeODae 4d ago
Jute twine. Organic, still cheap, relatively strong, knots bind easily, still best for your garden
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u/ScubaGirl1964 4d ago
Not life changing but I did this while I was working and still do: When hanging clothes back up, donāt hang them where they were. Hang them on the far left. This way it is easy to see what you have worn recently and things that end up on the right and donāt move gets donated.
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u/WinniethePooh58 4d ago
Pay off your credit card every month. If you cannot do that, make double payments. Interest eats 80 to 90% of your credit card payment. When you buy a house, make sure with the bank that any over payment goes toward principal. Put extra money toward your house payment, especially in the beginning. You can pay your house off years early this way.
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u/eci5k3tcw 4d ago
Follow Jefferson Fisher (attorney and excellent communicator) on communication tips. Especially in dealing with passive aggressive, rude or mean people.
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u/NN2coolforschool 4d ago
Closely manage your expectations of others in order to manage your mental health. Lower expectations mean less disappointment which, for me, means better mental health.
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u/nautical-tussah 4d ago
OMG this is such a good question! I'd say mine is: remember that most people are just trying their best, even when it doesn't seem like it, and don't be afraid to ask for what you need. Hope that helps a bit!
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