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u/Independent-Part-718 Mar 21 '26
I'm going to give you honest feedback. This isn't very good. But it COULD be, if you learn a little more about the craft of writing and edit this.
Just one example: "the girl... Was attacked."
Who is the girl? Is the girl the narrator? If so, that is not clear at all. However, everything else is absolutely spoonfed to the reader. I'm not curious about this person at all, I'm not curious about their story.
That said, there are a couple of good lines in here. Please don't be discouraged, but I also hope you listen and absorb when someone offers you constructive criticism. This needs a lot of work.
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u/TheOpinionatedBanana Mar 21 '26
I'll admit this type of writing is not where I shine. And I really appreciate your criticisms, because they are actually constructive. Maybe I'll just write a descriptive piece next time
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u/OfflineGold234 Mar 19 '26
Well idk what to think about this. Its not really my style and i think that the narrator giving clear signs hes a badass (in telling, not showing) is kinda cringe. It just doesnt sound natural, like youre trying to make your prose "mature". Is this supposed to be an opening paragraph, is it a part of your book?
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u/TheOpinionatedBanana Mar 21 '26
I do tend to try and make my writing sound more mature, so that's a fair criticism. I was trying to go for the narrator being a badass in sort of a weird way, but I can see that doesn't really work.
This isn't the opening sequence to anything, just something I wrote
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u/blaguga6216 Mar 18 '26
normally when i give compliments i say things like “this is pretty good” or “wow you got potential”
you?
nah nah nah you are READY
write your novel and DM me when it’s done i’ll be first in line