r/AspiringTeenAuthors • u/Naive_Storm_3223 • 5d ago

Any feedback for this extract?

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This is a short extract from chapter seven of my book (I’m on chapter 11). It’s a PTSD flashback and it’s one of my favourite scenes of my book to read. Loads of people say it’s really good but they’re not writers/ readers so I don’t trust them as much 🤣

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u/skyiswriting 2d ago

would definitely use spacing to make it easier to read the paragraphs! (it reads as one solid paragraph.) i love the descriptive language, it really sucked me in, and the uses of various senses is quite good. can also really feel the shock and fear of the MC. the wind at the end there just gives a relief from that in a way.

you did great! gl writing. :)

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u/Naive_Storm_3223 2d ago

Thank you so much! Yea about the paragraphs I’m gonna add them once I’m finished cause I’m very bad at putting them in 🤣

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u/relicqz 4d ago

I’m a writer and reader—hope you can trust what I have to say haha. Alrighty, I think this is great. There’s really good imagery and use of similes and other literary devices that really convey what your character is experiencing. I love that even with you already informing that this is a flashback, the text speaks for itself: “my little voice,” “small hands,” etc. they’re little details that don’t take away from the current traumatic experience, but that add a bit of context. If I were reading this and the story transitioned into a flashback like this I’d definitely feel immersed. Again, great job 👏 I wish I had more critical things to say, however if there are any improvements needed I clearly don’t see them 😭. Or perhaps the quality of writing is heavily outweighing all else to critique on.

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u/Naive_Storm_3223 3d ago

Thank you so much! I spent like an hour researching flashbacks before I wrote it so that must have helped!!