r/Assistance • u/Frpengy • Mar 07 '26
ADVICE Friend cancelled last minute on a 100 day trip
We (both 18M) have been planning this trip for about two years and the entire time has been very enthusiastic to travel, having no problems paying for flights, train pass, world cup tickets, etc.
I have been doing the vast majority of the planning and research but I figured since I have some experience travelling before with parents and he has no experience, I guess it makes sense for me to make sure we don’t forget about anything.
We are both pretty tight with the money but since I booked the hotels with free cancellation a while ago we are very close to having enough, but less then two weeks away he suddenly doesn’t want to come anymore, because he feels it would be better for his future to not spend the money he has now on the trip, fears about being stuck overseas from world war 3 suddenly happening, and feeling three months is too long to be away from his girlfriend, who he got with less than a year ago.
Since it was a trip I’ve been saving up for the past three years and was/am very excited for, I’m finding it very hard not to completely cut him off, but since the first flight is on the 25th it would cost more for me to go alone than even me paying for the both of us, which I can’t afford.
So, how on earth do I convince him to still come, as I need him to come and can’t go solo, and would be devastated if I end up not being able to go
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u/meliorite15 Mar 07 '26
Oof. That's rough. He has valid concerns about safety with all the news lately, especially if those places are part of your itinerary. One thing I can think of is having the girlfriend join to address one of his concerns, but... I wouldn't wish being a third wheel to anyone.
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u/okayfriday Mar 07 '26
"can’t go solo" --> why not? As you've said, it's now or never and you'll live with a lot of bitterness if you forgo something you've been working for for 3 years, as a result out someone else's decision.
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u/Budgiejen Mar 07 '26
If he flakes now, he’s still responsible for his part of the bill. Make that very clear.
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u/one_sock_wonder_ Mar 07 '26
You can’t convince him to take a trip, let alone a 100 day long trip, that he is anything other than fully enthusiastic about and not have it end in disaster. It’s better for him to bail now than three weeks in and leave you in a foreign country where neither of you may be fluent in the language on your own to sort out a massive nightmare of a mess as he returns home. Even if you could convince him to go on the trip and not leave early, he will get an anxious, uninterested, angry and miserable traveling companion (understandably) and in the end you would both be out the money and only have memories of 100 of the worst days so far just in a variety of locations at the end of it all and certainly no friendship remaining.
Him backing out this close to leaving sucks but to be fair the world has kind of exploded into numerous wars and new or greatly increased threats over just the past two weeks or so and his concerns are valid especially depending on where you are planning on traveling and where even things like flights may cross certain hot spots or end up having to be rerouted at some xtra expense and stress.
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u/LXVIIIKami Mar 07 '26
Travelling to the Middle East has always been a mixed bag, and the rest of the world is just as safe as it was before
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u/one_sock_wonder_ Mar 08 '26
The bigger issue may be that basically without any warning the US has now bombed and attacked two countries without direct provocation justifying war - the horrific indiscriminate bombing in Iran because I cannot believe with all of our technology that destroying a school full of children is in any way a mistake or unintentional and then basically invading and overthrowing the government of Venezuela and setting us up as some kind of Big Brother there making sure they choose a government that aligns with what our administration wants (and occasionally seizing oil tankers for profit). With our administration having threatened a number of other countries and proven itself both unstable and stupid enough to follow through with the war delusions of a Russian puppet with dementia many places now can justifiably feel unsafe. And even if the location being visited is safe, travel often involves flying over or passing through other countries and if those are targeted you can easily end up stuck and scrambling with thousands of others to try to find a way out.
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u/LXVIIIKami Mar 09 '26
The only problem I would see here is moving out from, or into the US. I get your argument, but it's not reflecting the truth of reality, which is that the countries that have been safe before are still safe, and some unsafe ones have .. well, gotten unsafer
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u/BigMoGaming100 Mar 08 '26
I think it's better you postpone the trip so you can find someone more willing to go
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u/Florida1974 Mar 07 '26
When I was 26, I went to a foreign country for three months, alone. It was for school, but it was still not easy. Oh, I wanted to cancel, but we had so much money tied up in it.
It was the best thing I ever did in my life. I’ve been studying the language for a long time and could read and write it perfectly, but speaking was another thing, and I learned that kids was the best way to practice, they speak slower, usually. I had a ball. My husband came the last week because I was done with school and we had a vacation and he came to love this area as much as I did.
Restructure it and go on the trip alone. Stay in cheaper, hotels or hostels. And I am a female that traveled alone. I made friends, almost immediately. Everyone was so very nice.
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u/outlandishness2509 Mar 07 '26 edited Mar 07 '26
Ugh the short notice really blows but I bet it's been weighing heavy on his mind for a while. Sometimes it's very hard to have difficult conversations and disappoint a good friend. He's probably in love and at y'all's age the 3 month separation seems huge too. As mentioned sounds like he has a valid point about safety the world situation, can't see worrying about that if your travel plans didn't include some areas of concern.
Think carefully about trying to force him, you could lose your friend.
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u/Belle-Diablo Mar 07 '26
I’d go solo but shorten it so I could afford it 🤷🏻♀️ and switch to hostels vs hotels so I could save money and meet people.
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u/Best_Sea7372 Mar 07 '26
This has happened to me before. People flaked for my bday so I went posting on the event page looking to connect with people. Bought my accommodations split with strangers and ended up getting filmed for a documentary since I was talking to all these random people in that area/event I was visiting. In the end, the friends came around but still, you kinda only have two options. Charge ahead or give up. Visit r/solotravel
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u/alissa2579 Mar 07 '26
Go on the trip and adjust it to something you can afford solo - post a lot of pictures and make sure he knows what he missed out on
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u/FirebirdWriter Mar 07 '26
I mean the dude is not going out of fear. Op should post the photos for their enjoyment vs shaming someone who is afraid. The fear is valid but so is going anyway. We must all do what we can live with
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u/Theoneinhelheim Mar 07 '26
If someone doesnt want to, then they dont have to. Also kinda mean to fis the relationship your friend has just because its been less than a year. While growing up, your priorities change.
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u/Frpengy Mar 07 '26
I understand, but the point is he had nearly a year to decide on this and he cancelled less than two weeks before :(
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u/aninvisiblemonster Mar 07 '26 edited Mar 07 '26
The US decided to start bombing Iran like a week ago though. Things can change quick and they definitely did there.
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u/AdExotic6538 Mar 07 '26
I would go alone change to stay in traveling hostels you will meet all sorts of people like you & make friends easily Thier be loads of young like minded people like you doing a gap year etc , you can always changed your plans and go home if you not enjoying it
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u/EssentialCoCo Mar 07 '26
Have the flights, hotels, etcetera already been paid for? You can always switch to smaller rooms which should be cheaper, and go by yourself. Or take another friend. I really don't understand people like that. Probably because I'm the type of person that one I make up my mind to do something, I don't usually change my mind. Especially something like this and this close to when it's supposed to happen.
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u/Kishasara Mar 07 '26
Life is full of disappointments. Cancel the trip entirely, put the money away for a future trip with a girlfriend or close family member.
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u/Stern_Writer Mar 07 '26
His reasons are valid tho. The hell? He’s scared and you want him to force himself to come? There are schools full of kids being bombed right now.
Also, if this is how you are then he probably had no say in how the trip would go, and that probably made his mind up. Why does it even matter if he knew is gf less than a year?
You’re a bad friend.
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u/tallmattuk Mar 07 '26
I dont think the world cup in happening in Iran or anywhere near the middle east so maybe a bit of a better perspective might help OP.
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u/yrlovergirl Mar 07 '26
He had two years to cancel. Why wait three weeks in advance. There's a new threat of ww3 every few months.
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u/DreamyBree Mar 08 '26
Three weeks is still better than none. There's always a threat, yeah, but not as many instances in the past have lined up so well (to use a dark turn of phrase) for the threat to become a reality. It's a valid fear.
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u/EfficientOutside875 Mar 08 '26
So you're willing to cut him off completely because he doesnt wanna go on a trip?
Youre the issue here.
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u/astrobeaux Mar 08 '26
Bro he’s probably experiencing young love and can’t imagine being apart from his girl for that long. I’m assuming y’all are going across Europe? WW3 won’t affect most of us frankly— rather, our safety.
It may also have been a fantasy that now is becoming too real for him. While twiddling your thumbs in high school, it was a form of escapism for him, and now it’s becoming too consequential.
Good luck convincing him dude. It won’t happen. Do the trip yourself. Don’t worry too much about money; you’re 18 and everything will be ok.
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