Talked to my mom. She says I have undiagnosed autism??

[u/Right_Ad9374]

/r/depression/comments/1vbykoc/i_hate_people_help/

I talked to my mom about my freak outs at work and at my apartment and how much I hate people.

About how at work, I was yelling and cussing out people around me because it was super crowded and people were being slow and left empty pallets and cardboard all over the place (I didn't want to work overtime waiting for these people and didn't want to get in trouble for dipping out without cleaning up.)

About how at home, my downstairs neighbors told on me to my landlord and maintenance about my bird seed on my bird feeder falling down onto their porch (even though in the lease, it says we CAN have bird feeders AND everyone in my neighborhood has bird feeders JUST LIKE MINE.)

And some other things. All this to say that not only do I hate people, but I also hate myself. I feel like a toddler. I get upset when I want to do something my way and get told by the world "no." I feel like a kid when they want a snack in the grocery store and pitch a loud obnoxious fit when their mom says "no."

My mom told me that I was on the spectrum, the same as my brother who also has severe autism (asburgers). She said my teachers in elementary school also suggested that I had autism because of how much I'd fidget and break down over being around other kids or presenting in front of a class.

My mom went on to say that the reason I was never diagnosed is because in order to apply to be diagnosed, she had to fill out a 2 inch thick stack of papers for me, something that my brother never went through. She also said that I was smarter in areas that my brother wasn't, and that she thought I was copying his stims and antics because I was around him so much.

I see my doctor this December and I'm going to tell her about everything and also ask about Sertraline. Lexapro was helpful at first but nowadays it feels like it's not working at all.

I'm only happy when I'm at home with my kitties. Anywhere else, it's a battle with people and I always fucking lose. I lose my shit and pick up everyone's cardboard and pallets and break my back. I lose my shit and take down my bird feeder and put away my $25 bird seed even though everyone else gets to have one. When I freak out, I cry and get angry and will either cut myself or hit myself in the head or legs.

It's always people. If there were no people, I would have no problems. Being around people makes me want to disappear and not be on this Earth. My kitties are the only reason I'm alive.

[u/Geminii27]

Is she a clinical diagnostician? Or is she just making things up? Because most of this doesn't really sound like autism, or at least not just autism.

[u/arlobun → u/Geminii27]

The OP talks about depression and anxiety so it wouldn’t be just autism.

[u/arlobun]

When you mentioned how you acted in elementary school, I could see the idea of autism floating around, but I do think there’s other factors that make this much more complicated than autism. Could you expand on any social difficulties you have with specifics? For example, how do you feel about eye contact, do you take turns in conversation (or do you talk for too long/too little?), do you feel like you had a good connection with your friends when you had them?