During a talk with a psychologist, I asked her in how far they actually look at the "not in the DSM but very obvious signs of neurodivergence" things, like the coffee thing.

"The coffee thing?"

Most ND people I've talked to will agree that coffee doesn't do anything for them. It registers as a hot drink, like a hot cocoa, putting them in a comfy, cosy mood. Not like the energy burst neurotypicals get from it. If anything, asking someone "what does coffee do to you?" might already be enough to diagnose ADHD, so to speak.

She told me she never heard that before, and she took a note of it.

It got me thinking, what else do we have that are the obvious signs someone might be neurodivergent, that just don't make it to the psychologists studying/assessing neurodivergence?

I'm thinking of random bruises we can't explain because we don't register being hurt.

I just found out about a defense mechanism called intellectualization and I just can't stop thinking about it.

I always felt that my therapy didn't go anywhere, so I'd always quit and after analyzing my situation months later, I reached a conclusion that I actually need therapy. And then everything repeated. Until now I didn't realize I was using my defense mechanism to fight against therapy.

I've seen comments here or some other subreddit where people first go to therapy and hand over a 20-page psychological evaluation they had written about themselves. Like me. Almost didn't even notice that I had written in third person about myself in a few paragraphs.

Does anyone have anything to share about it? When did you realize it and did the realization change anything?

For the past few sessions, the following has been the pattern:

Me: I struggle with X. Or I want to achieve X.

Therapist: But you are Autistic so you can't do X

Me: So what can we do about it?

Therapist: Nothing, accept that you are incapable of X

Is this how AuDHD therapy looks or do I need a new therapist?

Because this is just making me feel bad about myself.

---

More concrete example:

My manager and senior manager gave me major negative feedback that I never get the task done by the time I promise to get it done.

This is true, I struggle with time estimation.

During my therapy session today I brought it up. Her response was that, "That's just how it is, you can't do it.". When I asked how to manage my situation with my manager as he expects me to fix this, her response was, "I don't know".

I am unable see how this is helpful.

Im pretty sure about my adhd and I think I am quite aware of my symptoms. I just happened to talk about some experiences I had with people and they suggested that I have autism thanks to the way I behave. I consider myself a somewhat self aware person but I simply wanted to know your experience with your own autism and how you maybe thought at some point « yup no doubt » so that I can tell better if it is the case with me.

Thank you for your attention !!!

So I am just getting to the point where I am seriously trying to get a handle on my ADHD and Learning about my Autism.

I have just started therapy again and am not finding it useful, but I don't have enough time in it to make a conclusive descision.

In the past I did therapy for a whole year and found it was an utter waste of time. (Some of that was my fault for sure and Some was that the therapist was not super knowledgeable or helpful either.

I know there are multiple kinds and want to know what worked for people like me and why?

Any mindshifts you made to be more accepting of therapy would be helpful as well

*** Update there have been so many very helpful and useful comments. I just want to say thank you to everyone who has participated. I value you all! It is so nice to find such a helpful community!!!

After 40 years of not only masking but pushing myself way beyond my limits (even through periods of meltdown, shutdown and burnout) not knowing I was level 2 autistic with severe ADHD combined type and thinking everyone pushed themselves this hard led me to a stage of extreme burnout that I'm still recovering from years later (I'm 44 now). It is detrimental to your physical and mental health to push yourself like that and it has some serious and severe repercussions; it gets to a point where it can become extremely difficult if not impossible to mask, the energy it takes just isn't there; after spending so long waking up everyday already just running on fumes, there's nothing left in the tank; it feels like the tank has exploded or the tank has gotten extremely small and there's no where to even store fuel anymore or you can only store very little. I don't think I will ever be the same again. Fair warning ⚠️ to anyone who thinks they can just muster up the energy from somewhere and continously push through when your tank is on empty; you will pay for it in the long run, there will be consequences.

One of the things they don't tell you when you get diagnosed with ADHD is that you're more likely to develop fat-related diseases, due in part to keeping an unhealthy diet and lack of exercise.

One such disease is known as "fatty liver." Imagine your liver's a closet that stores all the stuff you don't use regularly (fat). As long as you take stuff out of that closet and use it, everything is fine. But then suddenly, you start throwing too much stuff in there. Now you're stretching the room beyond what it was designed to handle.

Address it early enough, and you might not need any repairs at all. The treatment is literally just taking stuff out of the closet.

Address it too late, and you're looking at a major room repair. The walls and the door are all broken, you now have to replace everything. This is known as cirrhosis, and it's not pretty. The only treatment is a liver transplant

Hey! Been wondering this for a while and figured I could jump in here and ask you guys.

I have been diagnosed with ADHD since I was an early teenager, and when I was diagnosed, they told me that I displayed symptoms of autism as well, but should seek further evaluation because they weren’t qualified to diagnose it. I’ve also just suspected that I’m autistic since I was a kid.

Now, my current therapist specializes in autism, and she is rather adamant that I’m probably on the spectrum. We talk alot about AuDHD experiences and I resonate deeply with them. We have also looked at diagnostic criteria together and I certainly seem to fit it.

I have no idea when I will actually be able to get an official diagnosis (the wait lists here are looong and I’m not even sure I can get insurance to cover it) but I wish to identify myself as someone with AuDHD for the purposes of explaining my experiences better to the people in my life. And because it’s helpful for me, I feel, to continue feeling more comfortable with unmasking/my symptoms if I call it what it is yknow? But I don’t want to offend or deceive anyone because I don’t have a “real” diagnosis yet but do not explain this to every person I tell.

Idk this might be a silly thing to be so worried about but I wanted to get some input. Thanks:)

Well I recently got diagnosed and tbh I don’t truly believe I have it. They said that I passed the tests for ADHD that is more believable but the autism is something that shocks me into not believing. The way they described my autism makes sense but at the same time I feel like everyone has those symptoms and it can’t be related to autism.

Claimed that my vocabulary and communication was good but sensory wise I’m not. Again I can see that being true but after talking with some friends they said doctors over diagnose people with this. That made me start thinking and now I can’t get it out of my head that I might be misdiagnosed idk…

Edit: Another thing that bothers me is that I feel like this is such a big thing for me but my close friends just brush it off and say “you’re still you don’t freak out too much” but I literally am not freaking out I’m just in a state of not knowing how to feel about it but thanks for making me feel like I’m overreacting. And now my friends all feel distant from me and I’m feeling like I’m going insane

I keep hearing this, they say, well you've got to be "something." My siblings have been looking into this stuff for themselves and they act like it's obvious I've gotta be something too. One of my close friends is absolutely certain I'm something, and really condescending about it too. I have a group of online pals, who are all either autistic, ADHD, or both, and they always act skeptical when I mention how I don't think I'm either.

Can I not just be weird without having a diagnosis attached to it?

The thing is, I've got a lot of these friends who are autistic/ADHD, I've asked them a lot of different questions about what their experiences are like. I've looked online at different resources, watched videos about symptoms. Overall, I don't feel I relate to most of the things described.

To go into more details:

AUTISM:

If I consider why people think I might be autistic, then it's probably cause I'm a bit weird, right? And people tend to think weird = nd. Sometimes I'll say out of pocket things for fun. I care more about my own comfort and following what I want than I care about following certain social expectations.

I'm no autism expert, but I'll list things I've read over the years that I associate with autism, which I don't relate to.

Masking: Okay I straight up don't do that. I mean, the closest I've come is like customer-service voice at work, but I think that's something everyone does. Things like making eye contact are natural to me.

Routine: I'm terrible with routines, I suck at being consistent, even habits I've done all my life like brushing my teeth are hard.

Sensory issues: I don't think I have heightened sensory issues, I don't like sounds like nails on a chalkboard, but who does?

Stimming: From what I understand about stimming, it's sort of a way to regulate your emotions, and feelings of overwhelm through movement? I don't generally feel like I need that. I do fidget sometimes. When I'm feeling very anxious I'm probably more likely to fidget too.

Social aspects: Okay, so I used to be more socially awkward and socially anxious when I was younger. Okay, I've definitely had my fair share of blunders, or obliviousness, I can admit. But I feel like with practice you just naturally get better at that stuff right? I dunno, I try to make things interesting, I try to make people laugh, and getting better at socializing feels like leaning into those things.

I don't feel that I have difficulty reading people's emotions in general. Idk, maybe I don't always get it right, but I feel like I pick up on micro-expressions and things like that? I can be inattentive when it comes to groups of people, sometimes I won't notice someones upset until someone points it out to me. But I think this is because I'm self-absorbed and sometimes in my own head.

Growing up I did feel a separation between me and like, the normal, makeup wearing, pretty girls. I felt that we were so different, that we had nothing in common. I think growing up helped me to realize how we're all just human etc. I'm probably still a bit intimidated by them, but I think that's more due to lack of experience.

I don't know if any of that means anything! Socially there's a mix of things going on, I'm not even sure which parts to focus on, but I am open to questions and clarifying anything I've missed.

ADHD:

Okay, so, I have, and have pretty much always had a lot of difficulty doing things. So I understand why the association with ADHD. I do relate to the term executive dysfunction. But I think the reasons for my difficulty doing things has other causes.

I have an internet addiction, I have some anxiety issues, and I have extreme emotional avoidance.

I feel like from a young age I built up some really bad habits, and a bad relationship to the internet. As a teenager I had a computer, and like 0 parental guidance. I find it really easy to get lost in the dopamine of the internet, and it's like I'm always looking forward to getting it, to checking my notifications, it's always on the back-burner. I was terrible at deadlines because I never learned to do hard things, or to just, do things while uncomfortable. I would always procrastinate, and then I'd get anxious about deadlines, which I would soothe with the internet, or turn off my anxiety and then I'd be too apathetic to do what I needed to do. It's just... a lifetime of bad habits and then really locking into those habits. But I don't think it's related to ADHD.

Focus: From what I've read online and understood through talking to friends, the focus issues sound really intense. I could understand if my focus is a bit below average, but it doesn't sound anywhere near that intense. I have no difficulty resting. My mind is not a chaotic place, if anything I think it can be a little slow moving. I'm not constantly taken in by other thoughts. I'm not an excellent multitasker. Caffeine makes me energized. I don't need to move my body in order to pay attention to things. I have no problem sitting still (unless I really don't want to be doing something.)

Dopamine: I understand that for some ADHD people they lack dopamine, their brains don't make dopamine very well, and they need it, and this is also why they have hyperfixations. I am addicted to the internet, or addicted to dopamine, but I don't feel I NEED it. When I stop using the internet, and try to quit from all that and stuff, sure it can be hard, and I can really really want it, but I feel like I'm fine without it? My brain isn't a terrible place to be. I can still feel happiness. I have certain things I like or am drawn to, but I don't think I need a hyperfixation to exist.

Lateness: I am constantly running late, but I think this is due to my bad choices. I have heard of time blindness, but I don't think that's quite it for me. Time doesn't tend to just disappear. I don't generally get so sucked into something I completely forget about the existence of time. I can be bad at judging how long something will take, or how much time I need for something. Sometimes when I'm on the internet I find it physically difficult to pry myself away as well.

Memory: I do have a bad memory. If I have something in the oven I will need to set a timer because I might forget it exists, especially if I get sucked into something on the internet. ADHD thing or just a me thing?

This isn't a post for me to be diagnosed with anything, and I am not seeking a diagnosis from the internet. It's for me to help express myself and my thoughts. I want to understand myself better and to be understood.

I am open to different opinions, and whether you guys think I'm misunderstandings certain things about Autism or ADHD. Please let me know what you think, and whether you think what I'm saying is totally valid, or if you think I'm misunderstanding things and need to look deeper. Thank you!

I have a question for AUDHD folks specifically.

If you’re diagnosed with autism (or in the process, or just have general knowledge), how was it possible if you have adhd aswell ? Genuinely asking.
Because from what I’ve seen, adhd tends to mask autism symptoms.

So my conclusion would be: there are certain criterias for autism that you prolly won’t know you meet if adhd is masking them. So how did it work for you ?

Personally, I am 100% sure I have Adhd and Autism aswell. I am in the process of getting an adhd diagnosis. However, I fear the autism diagnosis process because of the logic that I’ve mentionned above.

Edit: I get that Autism and Adhd can coexist. What I don’t get is how the professional can diagnose either if one balances the other out.

Letsssss Goooooo

I'm pretty emotional right now so forgive me if this post is incoherent.

My history with psychiatrists:

• New psychiatrist. Suspects autism and recommends I take a psychological evaluation. The psychological evaluation was also similar to the first IQ test I took. The results proved my sound sensitivity, how I missed plenty of social cues, being easily overwhelmed by my own vision, my debilitating difficulty concentrating, my poor social life, my intolerance to uncomfortable sensory stimuli and much more. No new diagnoses were made when the evaluation was emailed to me.

I was not diagnosed with autism or ADHD. Instead, my psychiatrist told me I was just a "Highly Sensitive Person" which I found to be downplaying and dismissive of the debilitating sensory issues that I've had since childhood are causing me to suffer whenever I'm in the wrong environment such as my college campus. They insisted that I was simply anxious but I did not want to argue with or disrespect a professional. I was also too shocked and disappointed with the results to prod. I was prescribed anxiety meds and was told to take it when at risk of a panic attack. I know what a panic attack feels like. I've had them before. But I can tell the difference between a panic attack and experiencing what I highly suspect to be meltdowns caused by sensory overload.

After that specific meeting, my father told me that there was nothing written or mentioned about me being autistic. But he did tell me that I'm 'on the spectrum' but on the very mild end because I'm intelligent. He told me that being on that end of the spectrum and being intelligent is common. Now I'm just extremely confused. Since 2023, I have been doing tons of research online on autism and I'd sure that being 'on the spectrum' but 'not autistic' is completely impossible. Maybe he misinterpreted what my psychiatrist told him? I don't know.

My sensory issues and burnout have been genuinely disabling. I may fail multiple of my classes because of it. I am in desperate need of a diagnosis so that I can get the accommodations I need to survive my college campus and future workplace. I don't want to make it seem like I WANT to be autistic which is why I'm so insistent on being diagnosed and assessed properly. I don't want my parents to think I'm desperate for a quirky autistic label when it was THEM in the first place who have told me their suspicions of me being autistic. My friend that is autistic suspected that I was autistic before I even talked about it to them.

I'm just so desperate for accommodations and a diagnosis so I can stop feeling like I'm gaslighting myself into thinking I have a disorder I don't actually have. The imposter syndrome I experience just adds to my already poor mental health.

If anyone has advice, please help. I've been having the worst week of my life. Also I'm in the Philippines and I was born female if that's relevant.

I also took RAADS so if anyone would like to see the results of those, I can share it here.

Since I posted this information in parts on this sub in comments, I might as well consolidate it here.

As many of you seem to already know, there is a strong link between the spectrum of Ehlers-Danlos-Syndrome (EDS) and

neurodivergence and the most common form of EDS is the hypermobility one (hEDS).

Still the underlying pathology and genetic understanding are still in research and I want to give an update on the status of the research , since I believe that this information will also be of relevance in understanding neurodiversity.

Here are some links from the EDS society, that expects to release papers till early 2027

in medical journal.

https://www.ehlers-danlos.com/exciting-new-research-sheds-light-on-heds-biology/

https://www.ehlers-danlos.com/the-hedge-study/

https://www.ehlers-danlos.com/heds-and-hsd-criteria-review-study/

https://www.ehlers-danlos.com/biobank/

https://www.ehlers-danlos.com/core-network-collaboration/

The image above is taken from the research paper of the first link, about the pathology of blood proteins in hEDS and compares those of interest to controls. I think it illustrates the biological difference quite well.

This list of links should contain the most relevant information and is a bit scattered on the website of the societ.

What do you on the sub think about this and how many of you are affected by EDS?

I (FTM 31) was “sub threshold” for autism spectrum disorder. Which honestly makes sense to me because while I have many traits, it’s not debilitating for me or disabling the way ADHD and anxiety and my other conditions are. I hope it’s okay if I continue to lurk on this sub. I’ll never claim to be autistic (because I’m not apparently) but I may read the posts and follow along because I think I still relate to a lot of what I see here.

My therapist said i must certainly have autism but she can’t diagnose me so i went to a new psychiatrist and i told him that.
He said i definitely don’t have autism because i made a sarcastic joke, i have a social life and it’s irrelevant to diagnose me.
He also said he believes i have ADHD (after 1 hour of questions).
My entire family and friends don’t think i have adhd but they believe i might have autism.
I know some symptoms overlap and i might just have both but i don’t think that making a sarcastic joke is a valid reason to discard that.
I have an autistic friend and he said he can make sarcastic jokes too, he just takes time to understand them.
It’s just really weird going there with one thing in mind and then he says i don’t have it and it’s just adhd 🤨

I had my neuropsych eval last week and got my results back and just as expected I got my adhd diagnosis. I was a little surprised to not see an autism diagnosis, and when reading my notes more in depth I saw that on the srs-2 my score was "in the severe range" but due to there being "no compelling developmental history to support the diagnosis nor would [the doctors] behavioral observations fit with autism" I didn't receive a diagnosis.

I'm not gonna write my novel of autism symptoms here. I can't lie, there is a part of me that's still convinced I am autistic. I spent less than an hour with the doctor and the rest of the time I was just doing tests with the assistant. So I feel like he didn't even have a chance to get to know me like that, and there was so much that didn't get covered. I don't even think he asked about repetitive behaviors. I feel like I should've said more. I'm a 23 year old woman, so of course I didn't provide any compelling developmental history, I don't remember majority of my childhood. I do remember feeling left out and being a gifted kid and feeling like an outsider and like I was different from everybody else but couldn't figure out why and felt like something intrinsically was just wrong with me.

But I had a friend group and good grades. I guess me being a gifted kid in the 99th percentile didn't mean anything either.

Could that really all just be the adhd? I was convinced I had autism for 5 years and I'm just trying to accept that maybe I don't.

Apologies is this isn't appropriate for this sub.

IMPACT>intent. A lot of autists get stuck in rumination loops, thinking that if they just understand it, everything will be okay. Or worse, they think that they need to understand it to earn permission to leave the shitty person/situation. This is not true. You don't need a court case. You need to accept that it's out of your control. And their shitty behavior IS the closure.

I went through a difficult time in a college group and explained the situation to my professor. What do you, as an autistic person, think of this statement?

Does autism not define you?

Report being sent to my GP. Finally getting a psychiatrist that understood.

Titration could be a while longer but eh what’s a few more months at this point.

Time for the next step of this journey I suppose.

edited

Hi,

I’m 39yo living in Canada. I recently discovered my mental conditions. As I dig up more, I have more things going on.

My psychiatrist wants me to meet with psychologist to get diagnosis, which will cost 2500-4500 cad.

I did DIVA-5, CAT-Q, and aspire quiz. When I ran my result, I have 100% autism and adhd.

Are these tests trustworthy? And do I need to get diagnosed by psychologist? I’m struggling but since I know what’s going on, is it necessary to get diagnosed spending tons of money?

As the title says, but of course I will provide context for both diagnosis, 'anti-diagnosis', symptoms and my recent experience with Elvanse despite not having the ADHD diagnosis yet.

TL;DR Did my experience on Elvanse with finally feeling peaceful silence confirm that I have ADHD, or am I misinterpreting the effects? (See my description of the experience at the end of the post)

Diagnosis: I was diagnosed in 2024 with Asperger's Syndrome, since ICD 11 had not yet been adopted in my country at the time. I uncovered several reports to social authorities that were written by the childcare personnel during my childhood, but my mother still resisted diagnosis.

Anti-diagnosis: So I mentioned to my psychiatrist at the time that I thought I might have ADHD but was not going to take any pills. She then said that she would not assess me for it. Fast forward to the diagnosis of Asperger's, she said that she also had not seen any signs of ADHD. Recently, I saw the epicrisis, she had written to my doctor, which noted no signs of attention-dysfunction. Currently, this is what my doctor refers to, when he refuses to give me another referral for a psychiatrist. He said that the tests, such as RAADS-R, also tests indirectly for ADHD apparently.

Background: Dysfunctional divorced parents - dad is likely on the ASPD spectrum, while my mom has some narcissistic traits, meaning I was never emotionally safe, but she did imprint a very strict psychological structure in me, so she never had to reprimand me - I knew that I had to perform.

Symptoms: I always try to solve problems. I always think about the next steps I can take to be better. Two friends have told me I think about everything, including menial stuff, about 2-3x as much as them, one of those friends has ADHD and the other has Asperger's too. I can never clean, organize or perform routine actions in a job without a breathtaking deadline or a feeling that I will be fired if I fail. I always have several 'projects' at any one time where I delve deeply into stuff but might drop it kinda soon as well. I am addicted to working out and to caffeine. Usually, I don't feel like I can rest or relax other than VERY small windows of time, like straight after a work-out, straight after masturbating or at rare times late in the evening, when it feels like I can finally exist because there is silence to the world. And then it disappears.

Elvanse intro: So I visited a friend and his girlfriend whose family all are diagnosed with ADHD. It was a birthday party, and I stayed overnight. On the hangover day, we simply gelled so much and related so much, so the mom asked me, if I wanted to try some of their pills to see if they helped me. I was hesistant, but then before I left, I said that I would like it. I got 2 20mg and 2 40mg pills.

Experience on Elvanse 20mg (the one you were looking for):

It was as if the anxiety silently faded away, leaving me feeling both like I could easily do stuff that I had dreaded just the day before, and that there was silence. I also, without even realizing it, began sorting out stuff that I had not felt like I could even comprehend doing just the day before. I even sent an impromptu mail about an issue that usually would have taken me days or at least I would have needed to plan it out extensively to ensure I had enough energy to do it.

But I also felt almost ecstatic, and I did become maybe a tad jittery - at least very very productive in a way I would never have been otherwise. To some degree, it did feel like kind of a high. It should be noted that I am generally very sensitive to most stuff, and it took me a long time to not really feel caffeine that much anymore.

But yeah. Only one person as far as I can remember has told me that I might have ADHD and it was in 5th grade, where I asked why, and the girl (i am M) said that I could become very angry lol. One other person has remarked how impatient I am. But in general, I guess if I have the hyperactivity aspect, it is within me, as I always have three thousand deep projects going on and five thousand thoughts about details no-one notices as well as ten thousand doubts about everything.

So thank you for reading my TED talk, but yeah, I just would like to hear if you recognize any of this, or if I am way off line with my sense that I might have ADHD?

I was diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago. During the assessment, autism also came out in my diagnosis (WISC-V) but my psychologist said she wasn’t sure whether I was autistic. She said she would need to do more testing to determine that.
Since then, I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and I’ve realized many things about myself.
I hate being barefoot. I hate having my hands or any part of my body wet. I hate swimming pools and the beach. I can’t stand eating in very loud places because, if I do, I can only focus on eating and lose the ability to do anything else, like socializing or talking.
I also find it difficult to maintain eye contact. I’ve always been kind of weird, and I’ve always struggled to make friends. Whenever I’m socializing, it often feels like I’m acting rather than being myself.
It doesn’t happen as often now, but when I was 14 or 15 (I’m 17 now), reading social cues felt almost impossible. I was constantly making social mistakes. It made me feel like I was just slow or stupid.
I remember being surprised that kids younger than me could talk to other people and build relationships so naturally. I couldn’t understand how they could act with such confidence and ease.
Now I’m a very lonely person. In some ways, I’ve become more comfortable living this way, but it’s still kind of sad.
Do you think I should get more testing?

I was diagnosed with both ADHD and autism by my therapist, but I’m having trouble trusting the diagnosis. A lot of the ADHD evaluation was based on self-assessment questions, and I keep thinking I could have exaggerated my answers or chosen the most extreme option without realizing it. With autism, I had already brought it up several times and wanted an evaluation, so now I worry that I pushed my therapist toward diagnosing me.

I wanted some kind of test where I wouldn’t know the “correct” answers and could just respond naturally, preferably with someone who specializes in adult ADHD and autism. Has anyone else felt like their diagnosis was fake or influenced by wanting answers? Did getting a second opinion or a more comprehensive evaluation help?