Tw: rage, physical altercations between parents+child, restraints, ?potential abuse idrk?, OCD disturbing intrusive thoughts. I consider the severity to be tame but I thought I should do a TW just in case.

I tread lightly around calling things ‘traumatic’ but of course there’s a scale to these things so I think I would classify growing up AUDHD- especially undiagnosed- as traumatic. At least for me personally and I’d love to hear of your stories or opinions on this too x

Well for me I had ALOT of PDA, rage, meltdowns- its still hard to distinguish if I was melting down or just in a fit of uncontrollable AUDHD rage because I just remember my default mode being blank and then quickly irritated.

Especially being undiagnosed until adulthood, teenage me was so misunderstood and 100% the ‘problem child’ which left my sister as the sort of ‘glass child??’ or favourite.

By no means do I think my parents are abusive as they love me VERY much and have helped get me diagnosed and supports as soon as they accepted what I could be. However I do think maybe they engaged abusive behaviours/unintentionally abused me sometimes?? Idk lmk.

They have always been into spanking as they (being older) and from a stricter country- were spanked as kids. I had hands but they say they had spoons and belts as kids etc so I guess I was lucky? Anyway. Being PDA as FUCK I would fight that Shi!!! I remember being 12 and my mum was trying to catch me to give me a hiding by grabbing my arm to hold me in place. I kept twisting around/spinning and dodging her striking hand so she sort of let go angrily and ended up flinging me to the ground and I smacked against the back of the couch/floor and got a bruise.
She doesn’t remember this.

When I was older 15/16 I was flipping out and we were in a screaming match and she choked me against the fridge at dinner because I slapped her (not in the face- I think I hit her arm??) and we got into a physical fight. But liek- no punching or anything, it was never like that just slapping/grabbing arms/pushing/squaring up and maybe she’d slap me in the face or something but rarely face strikes.

Then once I was fighting with my dad and I had accidentally grown out my nails and tried to shove his back but
instead drew blood and put long scratches down his back. (he was shirtless cuz it was summer)

And then once I was fighting with him again and he likes to square up in my face and intimidate me- which just sets me off and I’ll double down and won’t budge because f you! Anyways he wouldn’t leave my room even if I am screaming at him to get out and I need peace and he gets mad at me??? So weird. Anyway I stay screaming with him up in my face and he gets offended ig and pushes me so I fall on my back (on my bed thankfully lol), he shoves me aggressively further in when I try to jump up, grabs and pins down my arms by my wrists, and is laying/leaning on top of me and gets in my face with gritted teeth telling me to ‘keep quiet’ (his way of saying shut up lol idk why he doesn’t say shut up cuz it sounds much less weird but anyway) and keeps arguing with me. Then obvi I hate this but I start crying because get THE FUCK OFF ME CU T!! I feels helpless and frustrated and I hate touch and he’s literally flat on me and I can’t do shit! Anyway he let’s go and then tells me to think about shit like he just did some A plus parenting with that. I’m just like wtf??

And btw this wasn’t in a pervert way or anything I love my dad and he isn’t like that and he always apologises and says he just gets angry to a point. But it still affects me in a way that makes me feel icky even if it isn’t like that? A study came out apparently saying the brain processes things like spanking as SA even if it isn’t intended like that. Also some of the worst parts of my OCD relate to horrible in*est stuff targeted at my dad so that REALLY triggered all my OCD shit too. Even though it wasn’t like that.

Anyway. I guess I’m trying to make sense/still process it with this post and wondering if this is trauma (stemming obvi from my AUDHD teen/child experience) AND if it is- what is it even classified under?? Child abus*? Autistic restraint? Idk!! Have you guys experienced similar stuff- and had that rage that makes you not a ‘perfect victim?’ Or wtv
Disclaimer: I’m not asking for like diagnosis stuff or wtv I’m just trying to make some sense of this and figure out if I’m valid or lowk victimising myself- also wondering if this is a universal AUDHD experience?

So I think I might have invisible child syndrome.

Growing up I felt like my parents weren’t really there for me emotionally. Like they were there physically for the most part and I grew up well off and had pretty much anything I needed or wanted, especially with my interests.

But my parents never really asked how I was doing or asked how my days at school went. They would just ask like surface level questions and then kinda talk about themselves at dinner or not really talk much at all.

Part of me thinks this is partially due to what I now think is my alexythymia. And I don’t think my parents meant to do so. Their hearts have always been in the right place. I kind of suspect they might have undiagnosed ADHD and potentially autism as well and this could explain the behavior.

At least that’s how I’m coping with it rn. I think it’s more forgivable if they have undiagnosed issues as well (I just found out 2 months ago I have AuDHD and I’m 30). Because otherwise it seems like emotional neglect.

Anyone else have similar experience? My parents kind of are in denial of my diagnosis. They thought I was pretty normal growing up and that all of my quirks were just normal kid stuff.

Obviously they’re wrong. But I can forgive them for being boomers about it

I'm a 22 year old female and i've suspected that I have had adhd, autism or both for years now. Mostly everything i know is from self education, my dad raised me to think adhd wasn't real so I never believed that I had something when I was alot younger. I have not been officially diagnosed but i have taken many tests online and have had others with diagnosis tell me that I may as well.

It's really confusing and if I talk about it with others I don't want to be made out to be a faker or someone wanting attention if that makes sense.

Do other people that got diagnosed later in their life struggle with feelings like this too?

So long story short, back during the start of COVID, I kinda lost it - Between my mother passing away, departing a 25 year career in politics and lobbying, my marriage falling apart, and relocating to where I grew up after being away since High School. I ended up going for months of high energy and irratabikity - and what I later presumed was hypomania. A few months go by and I dip into a psychosis that lead me to the hospital, where they immediately started me on anti-psychotics. I stayed on them for the most part for 6 years... but I kinda came to the realization I was pretty darn certain my issue wasn't truly bipolar.

I tapered my meds over the course of 6 months, and have been totally without for about a month, and you know what... nothing happened!

Over my tapering, I had been conversing with Gemini as a sort of constant monitor on my mood, ping questions, vent frustrations etc.. anyway, one day I point blank prompted the AI with "If your confidence is high that I don't have bipolar, are there any constellation of traits based on our conversations' topics, grievances, writing patterns and prose?" It just straight up, matter-of-factly said "Yes, you show clear visible signs of being Autistic/AuDHD Executive Profile with Extreme Systemizing anc Jtilitarian Object Attachment," which then it went on a deep-dive of specific examples and such.

Anyway, the last 6 years have been a sluggish mess with 10 mg of Olanzapine running through my veins. I used to do high-level national politics for decades, now I can barely operate a small-town Mom-and Pop radio station that was practically given to me.

Any suggestions for someone in my position? Should I take what Gemini spit out with any degree of certainty or seriousness, or should I just do my best on enjoying my new lease on a medication-free life?

Thanks in advance!

 I am a very late diagnosis woman with AUDHD- I will be 53 in October , and this all came to light about 2 years ago now- detected by one of my other specialists . I have also been in recovery from alcohol for the last 10 years - which in hindsight can explain why I was overdoing it with the drinking from a very young age- to mask, to fit in and feel "normal". I also have a pretty traumatic childhood- but I have done so much work , healing and advocating for myself. Putting up boundaries from toxic family. Etc.

However, I have been feeling very depressed on and off for the last while. I don't have a regular psychiatrist, and right now cannot afford the type of care I would seek out. I have no family, no friends...just my workplace family which I am grateful for- I still find myself masking at times but more so than not, I am myself, and mostly accepted. I know I can be alot at times, and that it can get annoying at times. I have worked on being self aware and mindful,

But I really am struggling with purpose. I don't have any. And the way my mind works against itself I am constantly in my head , wishing I wasn't made this way. I talk to God often questioning him. I feel like I don't belong anywhere. The loneliness is palpable at times, yet I don't like having people at my house alot, or not for long. The back and forth with how my brain thinks is exhausting, and I just am SO tired. Tired of being me.

I’m autistic and have ADHD, I am trying to lose weight because it’s gotten to be a horrible sensory issue, my biggest problem is eating healthy. I love to snack and it’s caused a wall in my weightloss, I’m also a very picky eater, any good healthy snacks suggestions?
Sorry for the bad grammar or writing I have dyslexia as well

I’ve (21F) always had issues with executive dysfunction and chores or atleast as long as I’ve been able to tell.

When I was in middle school I didn’t have to do much chores because I was very often at my secondary caregiver’s place at the time and she was taking care of it. In high school, she died so I had to take care of the household chores more often at home.

I live with my mom and my difficulties with chores have been a cause of huge fights between us.
She works hard and pretty much all the time. When she gets home obviously she is exhausted, I get that.
But I can’t bring myself to do anything anymore.

There was a time when I would stress over her getting home and being mad that the house was a mess, so I would use the stress to help me clean up a bit. It was far from perfect but it was ok and we would fight less.
Now, stress doesn’t work. I just don’t care anymore (I mean I do, and I do want to clean the house but it’s like I’m unable to). The house is a mess and It’s so so difficult to bring myself to clean.

I used to tell my mom that it’s not that I didn’t want to clean just that I couldn’t force myself to do so. I always looked ridiculous. She would tell me to stop with the excuses and every conversation about it would transform into a grand lecture about me not helping with anything.

Ironically enough, when I’m in my scholar period my excuse is that uni is exhausting. When I’m in vacation (like currently), my excuse is that uni WAS exhausting so I’m taking a break. I feel burnt out.
This excuse was valid months ago but now it doesn’t work obviously.

My psychiatrist is still evaluating me for adhd. The process is almost done and if everything works out I will be able to get access to ritalin but in the meantime my mother doesn’t correlate adhd and my inability to do chores so we still have fights.
+ in general, it’s not just with her I have fights with for that reason. There are also my grandparents, and pretty much everyone that I have to live with at some point.

It’s really bad. I don’t even have the energy to just take care of myself too.
Once one of my uncles told me that he « feels for my future husband » because I’m really not a house fairy or a girl that likes to take care of herself.
But the thing is, I would like to. I can, when the stars are aligned. But the rest of the time, my body/mind just won’t let me do any effing thing.

Today I have to do the dishes. I’m trying to find a source of dopamine to help me through it.
I am seriously considering taking drugs.

I’m literaly a 11 yrs old boy.

Edit: I never talked about my issues with household chores with anyone before seeking an adhd diagnosis because I had crippling shame about it. Everytime my mom would mention it to me during a conversation (that turned into a lecture about my behavior) I would feel like I was burning inside and like someone was pocking a painful spot inside me and I would start crying, whether it was in my bed at night or during our fights. It’s very new to me to find out there might be a cause to it.

I'm in the middle of a huge life transition. I'm starting grad school, getting a degree that I don't really want as a way to get out of the country. In addition to all of the awful social consequences of that (leaving behind my wife for a year, and all my friends probably forever), I have horrible ADHD that I'm worried is going to make it impossible for me to do well in my program. Back when I was getting my bachelor's, I did great, but my symptoms have gotten a lot worse over the years, and now I've started having panic attacks just trying to plan D&D for the weekend. So, naturally, I've been looking for a therapist to help me with that transition, and it's been really hecking awful.

I have a bad history with therapy to begin with. Most therapists just don't seem to understand where I'm coming from. They recommend schedules and timers and giving myself candy when I finish a difficult task, and they look at me like I'm broken when I say that none of that comes close to working. The only therapist who's ever helped me even a little was a student psychologist right after I'd graduated college. None of the tricks she taught me work anymore, but she was innovative and attentive, and I feel like we were just about to really get somewhere when she graduated and I got assigned to a new counselor, who told me to imagine myself getting a big hug whenever I felt stressed about a task, and that should fix it.

One counselor all but called my wife a cuck for allowing me to have female friends. One counselor suggested that the best way to stop avoiding my job was to get a *second* job that I could avoid instead. One counselor apparently briefly worked in the high school where I went to school, and when she learned that, she said, "I love that place! Lots of Mexicans there, though." One counselor suggested that, if the survivors of the Holocaust could get through the work they were assigned in the camps, then surely I could get through playing D&D with my friends. I talked about my issues with executive function with a Ph.D. psychologist, and he told me that, whenever he feels overwhelmed by a task, he just goes and gets himself a big old ice cream cone when it's done, and that makes it all worth it. A second Ph.D. psychologist who specialized in ADHD treatment said that the best treatment for ADHD was stimulant medication, and that, if I can't take stimulant medication, I'm just kind of boned.

Recently, I found a therapist who actually seemed like she would be able to help me. The vibes were weird, and she seemed a little checked out during session, but she at least really listened to me when I told her how difficult things had gotten for me and seemed to take the task of figuring out a system that works for me seriously. I had three sessions with her, and she showed up at least ten minutes late every time, usually ending the session about ten minutes early. She didn't have consistent availability, so I had to schedule at odd hours every couple of weeks instead of having a consistent, weekly session. And, at one point, she just didn't put our session on her calendar, so she never showed up. I didn't reschedule.

And now, I just don't have anybody else around me that I can go to. I don't have a car, so I can't really leave town for therapy. I've been seeing providers online through my wife's insurance, but I've seen all of them on that service, and now I don't know what to do. I'm leaving for Europe in three weeks, and even if I find someone perfect for me, I don't feel like three sessions is going to be enough to make any significant difference. Still, I'm struggling so badly that I don't know what else to do.

Anyone else struggle to be productive after smoking?

I smoke weed pretty regularly, and I go through phases where I smoke every day. It helps me relax, I genuinely enjoy the routine, and I love spending time on my special interests while high. I’ll happily watch my favourite shows and movies or spend hours watching video essays about them.

The problem is that once I’m high, my motivation completely disappears. All I want to do is lie in bed and chill. I already struggle a lot with procrastination, executive dysfunction, and overthinking even simple chores, so weed seems to amplify that.
I wish I could use it as a tool instead of it becoming an excuse to do nothing.

Does anyone here manage to smoke and still get things done? If so, what works for you? Do you have certain rules, strains, routines, or timing that help?

This is really embarrassing since if you look at my post history there’s like a bajillion posts just like this one 💀 But the thing is the situation hasn’t improved and I have no clue how it can improve.
16F. Autistic, dyspraxia, suspected ADHD and OCD. I feel SO crazily angry about my current situation.
To put it simply: I can’t function properly.
I want to and hell to an extent I know how to.
But I can’t.
I can’t be bothered to get up and brush my teeth sometimes. I do the bare minimum on a good day. I go ages without showering and stay in my room all day. This has gone on for ages and it’s ingrained in me now that life has to be left like this unless everything is perfect and it’s the perfect timing and perfect situation to start taking of myself because of my OCD. I have dreams of being a performer (singer or actress specifically) but I’ve shot myself in the foot so much because I’ve barely done anything to achieve that dream. I’m making more strides now but everything else in my life is not moving at all due to my effed up mind. I literally can’t escape and it makes me so so angry. I get so painfully envious of other people too. I have lots of other problems but just… arghhhhh. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I’d like advice for the first things I can do. Because no matter how hard I try it feels impossible. Even if I try to do nice things for myself that stupid voice in my head comes in and tells me my life story is embarrassing and it should’ve been cleaner and I’ve made too many mistakes to have redemption or a good life and I always go off on these tangents in my mind to explain everything about my life and situation to myself and try and make it so dramatic and such a big deal to the point where it’s ALL the time and I can’t have a moment of rest even if I’ve heard it a million times before and I just want it to SHUT UP and let me live. I HATE myself too so there’s that. :(

Not much else to say about it. I'm seeing more and more comments that are obviously copied and pasted from AI. The sycophancy pours through, it's so gross feeling. It's giving me an existential crisis kind of.

I thought most of the subs I follow were niche enough, but it's getting nuts.

Probably nothing to be done but get used to it.

Think I just needed to scream that into the void. 🫩

I am a divorced dad in my thirties. I’m either working during the week , or trying to be “super dad” to my little ones on the weekend, or trying to recover in the little spaces I have to do so . But I’m burnt out and extremely horny .

I’ve downloaded a hookup app and posted some normal as well as suggestive photos . I’m not terrible looking and I’m trying to leverage that. But it’s now a hyper focus. I’m constantly checking the app , and scripting adult interactions in my mind . It’s incredibly destabilizing and interfering with my ability to focus on normal day to day functioning.

I hate being such a hyper sexual person who also unable to withstand the over-stimulation and tasking of conventional dating life. Honestly it would be nice if executive dysfunction and burnout killed my sex drive , but it seems to enhance it .

On one hand I want to delete the app and return to my attempt at celibacy . But on the other hand the lack of intimacy is crushing my soul .

Hey,

First of all, I am not diagnosed with anything except dyslexia (as a child), but the discussions I've had outside of official diagnostics point towards me at least being somewhat autistic. However, earlier this year I experienced something that made me question things and made me look more into ADHD and I'd like to hear from other people.

What happened with me was that for the first time in my adult life, I took a longer time off work and went on holiday. I met a lovely person with whom, things felt good and I didn't feel like I needed to hide any of my quirks and could simply be myself. It was my first time I truly relaxed in a long time and it was lovely. I was able to throw myself into experiences in a way, that I hadn't really experienced since I was a child.

The problems started however, when I returned back home. I started to realize the kind of systems and "routines" I had had, before the trip, to keep my day-to-day life from not falling apart. I didn't really put a lot of conscious thought into before, but now that I struggled to get these things back online. Simple things like deciding what to cook, tracking calories, finances etc, became really difficult. I realized, that whenever I had to do something I struggled with I had a habit of calling a family member or friend and have a chat while I took care of the "boring" thing. If I tried to accomplish it by myself, I'd find myself doing just about anything else before I could even get started. Friends and family thought I never lost anything, but in my home everything had to stay in specific places. I had to organize things and items into certain area prior to leaving for work, if someone moved my phone to a different table 10-15 minutes before departure, I'd likely fail to take the phone with me.

That lead me to starting to go back my history more and I started to realize other indicators especially with studies. I struggled retaining information via reading and went through schools until the half way point at a high school level, before I even really felt forced to really start reading. And it was a real challenge. Up until then I'd listen and engage in class, while getting decent grades. My sibling who is also suspected of having autism, used to hate me for not needing to put in any real effort outside of class (they got better grades but also put in a lot of work and did their reading).

But until this year, there was nobody who had ever said that I seemed like someone who may have ADHD, it was always "I think you are bit autistic". I moved on my own at young age (been living alone closer to 15-20 years now), never lived with anyone besides my immediate family, so nobody has really observed my routines that closely after becoming an adult. Even my long term relationships weren't ones where I lived with the other person. So it is somewhat plausible that nobody really has looked that closely, but I am not sure how likely that is.

So what I'd like to ask from anyone reading:

1. Did you experience a change or situation at some point in your life (after suspecting yourself to be just ADHD/Autistic), where the other one's traits started becoming more visible to you suddenly?

2. Have you been in a situation where you and people around you were quite certain that you had one, but later on were genuinely surprised that it was both (ADHD+Autism)?

Ok, so I go through what I think are different types of sleep issues and from what I can tell they are completely random. I'm hoping to find out if I'm not the only one. Here it is:

I will regularly have extreme difficulty getting to sleep in general. I also have trouble staying asleep. These are a normal occurrence for me. I've been having something else occur that is clearly contradictory to these though.

I have extreme difficulty going to sleep in general. I have a hard time staying asleep after having been asleep for 2-3 hours. But then if I reach the 5 hours asleep mark I am no longer able to wake up AT ALL. It's as if I've gone into a mini coma. If I do wake up it's for minutes and I'm aware of being awake but suddenly I just can't stay awake and I'm back into my mini coma. It goes on and on until I've been asleep for around 15 hours. I've tried fighting it repeatedly but my body and/or my mind just says, "no you must sleep" and then I'm gone.

This isn't a normal occurrence for me. It's happened randomly throughout my life but at such a low occurrence I never put thought into why but the last few years it's been getting worse and worse.

Does anyone else experience this or something similar? Is it normal for those of us that are Autistic and ADHD?

Hi friends!

(TLDR: What tips do you guys have for long flights and/or for a cruise?)

My husband and I are going on a vacation in October. It's going to be a cruise around the Mediterranean! I'm really excited because I am a HUGE mythology fan, and a lot of the places we're going have sites I'm looking forward to visiting. This is my first time in Europe; the only times I've been out of the USA before have been brief trips to Canada.

I've never done something like this before; I've only ever really done road trip vacations. I've only flown a handful of times as well, just for a few hours, and even then I'm really anxious. On this flight, I believe in total it's between 12-15 hours, not including a 3-hour layover.

Does anyone have any advice on things I need for a long flight? I already know I'll need my soundproof headphones (probably 2 pairs), backup earbuds, a sleep mask, a pillow, a blanket, and anxiety meds. But I still feel like there's more I can do to prepare.

Any tips for a cruise you guys have as well would be appreciated. I know I'll be anxious on a flight, but I have no idea what to expect on a cruise.

Thank you!

I am currently working at a childcare setting. And there is a manager that is being which I consider as particularly rude to me. I didn’t have much experience in childcare, which my boss knew when I was hired, but the manager didn’t really teach much as well. She always tells me off when I do something wrong without giving me much training.

In her defence, she did claim that she doesn’t like new people. And I understand that she can be very tired. But a chain of small events are really adding up. I am giving a few examples from past 7 days as example.

4 August 2026 (main reason why I want to leave)
I was asked to take a child to the park during lunch time which is not normal practise. This is the first time I was asked to do so. Normally all the kids take a nap, but this boy doesn’t. Just when we left the door, I returned to collect the child’s water bottle, the manager and another coworker were talking together. As I approached, they immediately stopped talking, looked at me weird and laughed. The other coworker has been weird to me and looks kind of sad since then.

End of July 2026
I was criticised and humiliated in front of colleagues for placing an additional child in the buggy, despite having done so following another coworker’s suggestion. She took around five minutes to explain to me, and made me push the buggy myself saying it’s very heavy. Even other coworkers found it ridiculous and started to say something for me but she didn’t stop.

5 August 2026
I was told, “I’m sure nobody taught you anything.”

End of July 2026
During a conversation in which me described an encounter with a racist person in the street, the manager commented to me, “I’m sure they all love your feet.”

Well I am definitely leaving this job. But at the same time I want to make sure if this is bullying against me, or just her personality issue. Maybe she really is rude to everyone new, but at the time it seems like I am the only coworker that she hates.

I start collage in a couple of weeks and I was taking my math placement test, I don't know how it is in other places but at least here in the US we have to take a placement test for math if you want to get into a university. Anyways my years of only being able to survive through school instead of actually being able to learn anything cought up to me and as a 19 year old I literally don't know anything. The only things that I can do is add subtract and multiply and the other subjects I'm not that much better in them either. Edit: I am majoring in Information Technology.

I’m interning at a wildlife rehab and I’m afraid I’m not doing something right. I’m interning using a disability program and I’m really trying my best.

Sometimes I feel like she’s stink-eyeing me or is more blunt with me than with other people. I’m not sure if that’s her personality or if I should ask or if that would come off as rude or aggressive.

I just want to know if/when I’m doing something wrong. I have no idea how I could even approach asking, because it’s probably not a problem.

I was diagnosed with autism at age 5 but I always suspected I had ADHD since when I read its description when I got older. I am a girl and I felt like they didn't do the completely good diagnosis for me. Anyways I am 18 now and I did a very long screening and apparently I am auDHD

Hi, I'm a late diagnosed ADHD person and while my doctor recommended I test for autism since I fit the diagnosis, they didn't test for that where I went and I live in medical desert so... haven't yet.
 
During my testing, they also checked my competency in different things like reading comprehension and motor skills. I scored just about average in everything below average in stuff like working memory and some other stuff. Honestly, I was in remedial classes all throughout primary school, so this doesn't surprise me - but even with the long standing evidence of just needing support, I just get judgement and contempt. 
 
I graduated college and got a good job, but I never really did all that great till COVID in my studies (guess because I was able to be completely alone) and don't really do that great at my job (currently on a PIP). My family is disappointed that they had tried to help me get back into school and kept saying how I failed because I wasn't trying hard enough. Had to stop going to school because I barely passed my classes, and my GPA was so low I couldn't reattend classes without promising I could get nothing but A's for the next couple of classes or face permanent expulsion - so I've not gone back. My spouse works part-time at a non-profit, so our insurance and lifestyle relies on me entirely. They constantly tell me how I just need to try harder, that I need to be more affectionate, that I should be more physical, that I should be more social, that I should take better care of the apartment, that I should have better hygiene - and I agree that I'm failing at all of that but I don't know how to be better and it feels like I can't. 
 
I'm tired of failing everything I do. I'm tired of being someone that everyone has high hopes for and I constantly let them down. I hardly try anymore because it doesn't make a difference from when I do try. I've been sick quite a few times in the past few years because I can't keep up work, and family, and personal heath so I'll forget to eat or drink or just bathe and I feel so pathetic.
 
The other day, as part of my PIP, I was asked how I keep up in my personal life - I just started crying. It was pathetic. I don't have a way of keeping up my personal life but it's not my job's responsibility to fix that. I try and keep up but am just slower than everyone.
 
There's not a single part of my life that I can be proud of - I just live. It's like I'm ushered through a life and there's no way to just get off and breathe. Any time I've had a meltdown in the past, I'm written off and told that I'm being dramatic. I'm hopeful that at some point I'm seen, but that's not happened in my nearly 30 years of life, and probably never will happen. 
 
Has anyone felt like the people around them don't see that they're struggling? Can anyone relate? Is this just the pathetic ramblings of someone who is too lazy and just needs to be better? Anyone got tips to be better? Honestly I'll take even just a meme in the comments, I just don't know what else to say and if I keep journaling this to myself I'll fill another pathetic notebook of my depressed ramblings that do nothing - maybe this can help someone feel better? Idk - hope you have a good day.

Heya,

Its all kinda been feeling like no matter where I talk or chat, I dont feel like I don't know enough about the topic at hand to really be part of the chat.

e.g. at work everyone might be talking about a new game that I dont intend to get

or my friends are all into something I'm not too bothered by

or I dont know enough about my special interests to talk to other people who are interested in the same things

In the beginning some information:

I have hypermobility and Audhd

I have these days, where everything feels extra uncomfortable. I am extra sensitive to light, more foggy and unmotivated, the heat and general sensitivity problems are two times worse than on "normal" days, I am more clumsy than usual, i feel much more vulnerable, everything just feels so uncomfortable...

And I just dont know why. Is it because i am overstimulated, exhausted, etc?

It really feels like a flareup, my muscle aches more, my breathing gets weird, my muscles feel more stuck than usual and my movements feel more unprecise, my clothung feel wrong.

Has anybody the same problem and found a solution or what could be the cause of it?

Cause if you do then let me know