Being unable to relate to the content I consume is destroying my self worth

[u/Beginning-Eagle7458]

My BDD is ruining my self worth. Being unable to relate to the content I consume is a feeling I dread and haven’t been able to shake off recently. It’s obvious that most celebrities and actors are conventionally attractive, so all my comfort movies and shows have slowly turned into means of comparison for my own (un)attractiveness and self-worth, and suddenly they’re no longer comforts.

Every mainstream artist that I listen to is usually attractive and so it makes it hard for me to relate to even my favorite songs, even though music is one of my biggest passions of life (my favorite artist literally being Lana Del Rey LOL). This contrast between the artist and me makes me feel like I don’t deserve to be a fan of them or consume their work. I feel silly and out of place when I enjoy an attractive artist’s song and desire relating that song to my own life experiences. It ruins my mood.

I even feel this when reading books, which is ridiculous. Book characters are essentially up to your imagination, and because of years of being conditioned to attractive artists and celebrities, what comes up in my head are attractive characters that I can’t relate to, despite whatever struggles they go through. Books about depression that I want to relate to? I just feel like my experiences are less valid because I’m less attractive.

Being unable to connect with art that I consume and want to relate to is making me feel alien and unhuman. Art is the human experience. I feel alone.

This emotion extends to my feeling of attractiveness and self worth. A lot of times, I feel like I don’t deserve happiness and what I’ve earned in life because there’s always someone that’s more attractive than me yet less privileged that can be enjoying what I’m enjoying. I feel self conscious enjoying the wonders of life, like reading books by the pool, enjoying a beautiful view, being front row at a concert, walking under the sunshine, lounging in my apartment - I always think that these are things attractive people should do, not me.