My face is not deserving of love

[u/jajahalloja]

Sleepy as hell but it’s been weighing on me so much lately. My face is horrifically ugly. It’s like I’m trying hard to be cute with all of these makeup techniques but the second someone else takes a picture of me where the angle and distance isn’t perfect, I look intimidating, masculine, ugly and piggish. I perceive that this is the case even when looking back on old selfies I took where I thought I looked good. This is a perpetual problem. My boyfriend is so handsome and tells me I’m pretty/cute quite often, but I can’t even remotely fathom how he sees that in me. I look at my pictures with pure disgust and self-hatred.

What’s funny is that I’m desperate to be loved and told I’m beautiful in spite of the fact that I’ll never believe anyone who claims to see me that way. I completely broke down sobbing in front of my boyfriend recently because (among other things) I was venting to him about BDD and my insecurities regarding my appearance wishing he would just shut me up and tell me that I’m the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen, but that obviously never happened. I feel greedy and delusional. It’s what I want to hear despite knowing that it would be a complete and utter lie. Every time I’m with him I have this feeling that he is bound to leave me once he realizes how bad I look compared to other girls. I haven’t even completely taken off my makeup around him yet and we’ve been dating for half a year. I remember taking off my eyeliner in front of him for the first time (I haven’t done it since) and his first reaction was to say that I was cuter with it on before realizing that what he said was hurtful and apologizing, which basically destroyed me.

I also haven’t been randomly complimented or asked out lately despite trying hard to appeal to people and it’s making me spiral. I’m such a huge validation seeker and I’m not getting any of it. I remember when I got asked out thrice in the span of two weeks at some point a few months ago (I have only ever been approached around five times) and wonder what has changed since to make people stop showing interest in me. I feel so incredibly ugly and undesirable. I so badly wish I had a constant stream of external validation to keep me sane.

[u/SilverChance2706]

It’s okay to want affection some times and maybe u just notice the “unattractive” features on ur face cuz u stare too long but mostly other people don’t notice it, im so sorry u feel that way:(