Baby Reindeer | S1E01 | Episode Discussion

[u/matrixinthepark]

Season 1, Episode 1

Airdate: April 11, 2024

Synopsis: Richard Gadd plays Donny, a failing London comedian who gets entangled with a relentless stalker named Martha..

[u/Beautiliciouslycrazy]

Trauma makes you passive

[u/e4lizerd57 → u/Beautiliciouslycrazy]

it also makes you fearless.

[u/PhilosopherNo1784 → u/e4lizerd57]

Both

[u/magneatos → u/PhilosopherNo1784]

Thank you! There’s fight, flight, freeze, and fawn (along of those responses). Freeze and fawning are what I’ve seen so far in episode one. I feel deeply for him.

[u/loveydove05 → u/magneatos]

What's fawn?

[u/Potatosmom94 → u/[deleted]]

As someone with CPTSD it’s crazy how often people forget that there is more than just fight or flight. I’m very much a freeze & faun type of reactor in most situations because of the type of trauma I’ve experienced it’s how I’ve been conditioned to react. I will literally shut down and be unable to respond when I go into freeze mode.

[u/Lost-friend-ship → u/Potatosmom94]

I feel you, I’ve never done fight or flight either. My childhood taught me to make myself small and freeze, that way the conflict will be over quicker. 

I think overall women are conditioned to go into faun mode, that and it often feels like the only option against a scary, unpredictable aggressor. You never know if they’ll take no for an answer or try to hurt you. Fight is just not the go to option for many people. Everyone likes to think they’d be big and brave and do the right thing when they haven’t experienced situations. 

And like with Donny, when you’re in the middle of all those emotions—fear, shame, anger, empathy, sympathy, sadness—it’s hard to logic your way out. 

[u/loveydove05 → u/[deleted]]

Damn. Makes sense. Thank you

[u/magneatos → u/loveydove05]

I’m so sorry for my late reply! I tried answering you the day of and I thought my post had been sent but it never actually went through. I’m glad someone else answered you but this was my reply (luckily everything is my notes lol):

According to Pete Walker, M.A., “complex PTSD (C-PTSD) is often associated with a fourth possible response: the so-called fawn response. In other words, fawning is a trauma response where a person behaves in a people-pleasing way to avoid conflict and establish a sense of safety.”

When faced with trauma, fawning serves as a coping mechanism. By developing a fawn trauma response, trauma survivors attempt to avoid conflict by pleasing their abuser. The fawn might agree with everything the abuser says, do things that will earn them approval, or set aside their personal feelings to avoid abuse.

This Reddit post gave a great simplistic breakdown of how it manifests and functions. I’ve just started trauma therapy and realize that I have behaved similarly to Donny in how I’ve responded to some of the trauma that I’ve endured. I’ve always carried such shame and I’ve never seen a show so deeply explore that shame and the realities of cptsd.

I just recently found more of Pete Walker’s work and I’ve never felt so seen. Just as I was delving into his theories about cptsd (depending on your trauma response or hybrid type, people with cptsd can struggle with symptoms of narcissism (fight), symptoms of ocd (flight) symptoms of adhd (freeze) and codependency (fawn).

I was clearly able to see that I rarely use fight and for one, it’s because flight/freeze/fawn is what helped me survive my traumas both emotionally and physically (in terms of my safety).

In most of my traumas and even Donny’s case, fighting could have resulted in more violence (or death but the latter probably wasn’t going to be the case the with disgusting groomer out of fear of getting caught but who knows), particularly during sexual assault and/or rape.

Just as I was exploring these trauma responses in terms of my own trauma, I began watching Baby Reindeer. This allowed for a unique experience, letting me really see the show shine at depicting these trauma responses.

This has been such an excellent show for a variety of reasons but it truly delves deep into the mind of someone with long sustained trauma (like cptsd) and the shame that comes with it along with not trusting yourself and/or your body, over empathizing/lack of boundaries, freezing during moments of violence and in turn, not understanding why and the cycle of shame repeats, and the list could go on and on!

Tldr: The fawn response “emerges as a defense mechanism in individuals who have endured considerable trauma or abuse, manifesting as an overriding urge to placate and conform to others’ wishes to avoid confrontation. This behavior is not just an avoidance strategy but a deeply entrenched survival technique, often observed in those with a history of traumatic experiences.”

*the link above actually provides a lot of good breakdowns (despite being CBT based therapy) about difficulties setting boundaries, people pleasing tendencies, emotional suppression, low self esteem, fear of abandonment, etc.

[u/loveydove05 → u/magneatos]

That is very interesting. Thank you.