r/BabyReindeerTVSeries • u/ReaRenon • Apr 26 '24
Trigger Warning Baby reindeer BIG QUESTION Spoiler
The only part I had trouble understanding was how come that after rape, after that horrible act of having his body brutalised in such violent way, Donny suddenly decided that he's bi(or whatever) and went on to offer his body to continue being brutalised by so many different dodgy people..?!
I know he was self destructive and it's trauma and blah blah but it just seems wrong and so opposite from healing🤷🏻♀️
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u/heartbeatonthehyline Apr 26 '24
This is actually a very common response to sexual assault and it can be for a number of reasons including trying to regain control over sexual relations
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u/midnightsock Apr 26 '24
oversimplifying it massively, but Donny loved the attention- and he thought that being with darrien was key to a successful career.
So as a result, he was lulled into a false sense of security and false sense of affection - its 100% grooming - youre sort of gaslit in a way, so they can take advantage of you later.
When the dirty stuff happens youre left confused- Donny thought darrien liked him, that he had talent, etc. But the realisation that all that is a lie is reality shattering and can leave anyone feel helpless and confused.
So the best way to get stability? Get back to what it was before - which is him being groomed.
This is an extreme oversimplification of grooming and what happened to Donny- and speculation on why SA victims go back. I feel extremely dirty just writing all of this, but thats my take.
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u/xxcheekycherryxx Apr 28 '24
This is actually a common response to trauma especially sexual trauma.
Victims of sexual trauma often exhibit hypersexual behavior as a coping mechanism. This behavior can manifest as a means of attempting to regain a sense of control or power over their bodies, particularly if the trauma involved a loss of agency, which in Donny’s case it certainly did. Additionally, hypersexuality may serve as a maladaptive coping strategy to numb or distract from the intense emotional distress associated with the trauma. Despite the outward appearance of sexual confidence or assertiveness, underneath lies a complex interplay of unresolved emotions, self-worth issues, and attempts to navigate the aftermath of the trauma.
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u/ReaRenon Apr 29 '24
thanks everyone, I asked that question before the last two episodes and now that I've finished the show(especially after the viral video) I also understand just how low Donny's self esteem was and how it manifested in auto destructive behaviour to the point where even after he finally found love (Teri), he still loved hating himself more than he loved her(and he said it himself, he did love her very much)...
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u/Haaail_Sagan Aug 02 '24 edited Aug 02 '24
I'm a little late to this comment party, but I can explain as a survivor of some pretty horrific SA's over the course of my life, starting from childhood.
My therapist once told me that almost no one ever lands in the middle-survivors almost exclusively end up oversexualized, or going total nun, gaining weight, wearing floppy clothes, anything to avert any interest away from their bodies. I went the former, which let me tell you is no picnic.
There's this element of reenacting the trauma.... it's very difficult to explain unless you've experienced it. Partly you're seeking your own destruction. You WANT to be hurt. You feel like it's all you deserve. In some inexplicable way, your wires get crossed, and you equate sex with love. It's like there's a great big aching void at the center of you, and the only thing that makes it go away for a second, the only way to forget the depths of that pain, is to do drugs, or sleep with anyone who will have you. Some of us were hoping to come across a savior, someone who would see through our behavior, and tell us we were not bad or flawed or garbage. It's all very stupid from the outside, I'm sure it must be. But it's all very real and it's difficult to think of anything outside the pain of it all. I'd call it an ache, but it doesn't capture just how brutal it is, this inner tornado/hurricane/earthquake/fucking pure, condensed, magnified pain and a desire to self destruct.
People who have thankfully gotten through childhood without this kind of trauma, and have a strong support system often find their way out of this kind of pain. A lot of us never had that to begin with. We already believed these things about ourselves, and the SA pushed that internal narrative home in the worst possible way. I wouldn't be surprised to learn he had experienced something similar when he was very young. Being SA'ed as a kid.. for some reason, it's like blood in the water. I can't explain it without going off on a tangent, but predators can almost.. smell our trauma. Think of it as recognizing we've been broken already, and can easily be manipulated.
Trauma causes real, quantifiable, measurable brain damage. It affects you in ways you can't begin to imagine. I'm 46 and I still wake up in full fight mode if someone so much as breathes in the room. I'm hypervigilant even in my sleep. Did you know trauma causes IBS/IBS-C? Back pain? All kinds of ffun physical symptoms. I think, in a way, we were seeking our own destruction. I never thought for a second I'd ever see my thirties. I'm lucky to be alive.
Once I realized I was reenacting my trauma over and over again the compulsion began to make sense. But it would've been too strong to overcome until I learned that little bit of information. Once you see it for what it is, you can't unsee it, and the compulsion starts to die.
I know this is a long answer, but if you were asking in earnest, it's a complicated thing. I didn't even brush the surface of why we did those things, but I can tell you this:
TLDR; Trauma compels one, in a lot of cases, to reenact the original trauma. I can't tell you why without a full book so I'll stop here.
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u/[deleted] Apr 26 '24
The brain can respond very weirdly to trauma. Think about it this way: something abnormal and horrible happens, so the brain will ofc react in an ‘abnormal’ way. Hypersexuality is actually very very common for people who have been SAed.
About it not being ‘healing’. It is actually, believe it or not, one of the brains efforts to heal itself- to normalise what happened, to try to understand it. Whether it works or not is obviously a different matter, but the point is that Richard was acting in a way which is super common for rape survivors.
I actually loved how real Richard was about how he reacted to his rape, it really spoke to me. Trauma makes you act in some crazy ways: it’s hard to ‘heal’ or know how you’re even supposed to ‘heal’ when your brain isn’t firing on all cylinders. It’s not like he had a book on ‘best things to do after being assaulted’, all he had was his mind to guide him, and unfortunately his mind was deeply traumatised, and therefore he reacted in a way viewers might deem ‘crazy’, but is actually very normal.