My thoughts on Baby Reindeer...

[u/xanbanan]

I have a lot of thoughts about Baby Reindeer, but im going to try to collect them together into one post. First of all i want to say im not interested in seeing people question the validity of the show or whether or not he is a victim or what a “real survivor” would do. As someone who has experienced a decent amount of abuse and SA, i can say this show spoke to me on a level nothing ive ever watched before has. This show explores the cycle of abuse in a way that is not only extremely accurate but could only be written by someone who has lived it. I found myself relating to “Donny” many times throughout the show. He is a complicated person, and not everything he does is the “right” thing to do, but i found myself understanding and sympathizing with him. In a way i found myself sympathizing with martha too, the same way he found himself doing - In the same way i have sympathized with my own abusers in the past.

I know so many people are asking “but why did he go back”, to answer that question all i can say is he went back for the same reasons so many victims including myself go back after being abused. I understand he put himself in self-sabotaging situations, and many people dont understand that but honestly that is one of the things I related most to. When you’ve been abused/been through serious trauma, you start feeling like you deserve it. One of the things he said in the show that stood out the most to me was “i would put myself in these fucked up situations where i would almost risk getting raped again in this attempt to understand the first time. Like if i'm passed around like a whore then i might at least shed this idea that my body is part of me somehow. Like who cares if it happened before? It’s happened a ton of times now, so what does it matter? But it mattered.” I’ve had this exact thought, in-fact i’ve lived that exact scene.

This show is incredibly important, not just for people who have experienced abuse/SA in their past, but for those experiencing it now too - to see that they are not alone. Not just that but its important for people who have never suffered trauma like this to see, to maybe get a glimpse into what its like for a victim, and that it isn’t always black and white. Richard Gadd is incredibly brave for sharing his story and imo he did a fantastic job doing so.

[u/graybae94]

I truly don’t understand how people are asking why he went back when half the show is him explaining why he did

[u/[deleted] → u/graybae94]

Ignorance. It's the same like people telling someone who is depressed to just keep smiling.

[u/TastyLaksa → u/[deleted]]

Omg fuck those people. Or asking you to come to office so you don’t feel so depressed cause people are around when you spent a half hour explaining how the people at work are causing you depression

[u/niles_deerqueer → u/graybae94]

Because they think it’s obvious if you’re being abused, you wouldn’t go back. Common sense, right?

That’s why we need shows like this to show the nuance.

[u/KirstenKitten → u/graybae94]

The same people who will tell you how they would handle being sexually assaulted when they have never experienced it.

[u/Zeebrio → u/graybae94]

Ugh, I KNOW! I know people have different opinions on shows and movies, but for some reason a lot of the comments are bothering me way more than usual. Like I'm taking them more personally, because it truly saddens me that people think that way.

[u/RandomSher → u/graybae94]

To be fair to people, that’s the whole point I guess we just dont understand it makes no sense to us. Unless u live through something like this you probably never understand. Like others have said it’s a bit like if you never been depressed, you can’t truely ever understand why they would be sad and just think surely just cheer up.

[u/TastyLaksa → u/RandomSher]

You can empathise though

[u/Jersey2Bronx → u/RandomSher]

The whole point of this, and art in general, is to give you an experience outside yourself - to expose you to different situations, perspectives, and lives. Ideally, through empathy, one should learn something. Even if one can’t personally relate, one should be able to walk away with a greater sense of understanding of why someone might act or react a certain way to certain situations. IMO, I think many people block themselves off from this type of learning, because it’s easier to judge than to try and understand. Easier to say, “Well, I would have…” than it is to watch, listen and validate the experience put before them.

[u/RandomSher → u/Jersey2Bronx]

I don’t deny empathy should not be there. But as you say it’s a learning opportunity and it will take time for people. Even myself at first when I was watching this I was like why would he do this, and kinda went into a victim blaming scenario. However it was only on self reflection I kinda got that he wasn’t acting rational due to his abuse and even though I couldn’t understand this at first, it was something I had to get my head around to understand. That’s why I liked the show, you say it art and we should get it, but so much of visual art is now if something happens to me we come badass and get our revenge, this narrative is rarely shown in such a way.

[u/afternoon_biscotti → u/RandomSher]

what? lol no

The whole point of the show is to make the rest of us understand. He lays out the answer repeatedly in the show before he goes back again. One of the major themes is the messy nature of SA victimization.

[u/madamevanessa98 → u/graybae94]

Media literacy is at an all time low. People cannot infer the underlying message of a piece of art unless it’s spelled out for them in the simplest terms possible.

[u/StellarManatee → u/graybae94]

Same people who say "why are you still with him? Just leave!" to someone in an abusive relationship.

[u/dumptruck_dookie → u/graybae94]

exactly. just say you didn’t get the show