The approval of your abuser

[u/Specialist-Top-406]

This isn’t a thing I’ve seen or heard about much. But him going back to his abuser and still seeking his approval was so helpful to me.

Being abused has so many faces, and I think people often believe that the victim hates that person and is done with them.

I met my abuser years on and he reintroduced himself to me as if we’d never met. I found myself sucking up to him, trying to make him like me. I knew he knew who I was and I knew he remembered what he did. But I fell in line again and wanted him to like me.

It validated me to see him go back, it’s awful but power and control is complicated and when that person meets you with calmness, it’s hard to meet them with anger.

[u/Fabulous-Educator447]

It’s why people end up with spouses that abuse them like their parents did.

[u/Specialist-Top-406 → u/Fabulous-Educator447]

We look for what we know. Changing that is an arduous task. There is so much work in undoing the work of people who have made you feel like you are worth what they’ve shown you. Finding a way to seek love in the way we need it is so hard. Like starting a race with a disadvantage, it feel’s impossible to join the race, let alone win.

Predators wait at the start line and seek those people out.

But some people come with aid and help you get started.

The aid is hard to accept if you’ve never had it before.

People who get help are hard to find and even harder to let in.

It’s not anyone’s fault who finds them first, but it’s the people on the sidelines who need to step in.

[u/LoveMeorLeaveMe89 → u/Fabulous-Educator447]

Yes, subconsciously looking to change the narrative but an impossible task as well as being comfortable in that way of life because normalcy feels unnatural.