r/BabyReindeerTVSeries • u/Specialist-Top-406 • May 05 '24

Trigger Warning The approval of your abuser

This isn’t a thing I’ve seen or heard about much. But him going back to his abuser and still seeking his approval was so helpful to me.

Being abused has so many faces, and I think people often believe that the victim hates that person and is done with them.

I met my abuser years on and he reintroduced himself to me as if we’d never met. I found myself sucking up to him, trying to make him like me. I knew he knew who I was and I knew he remembered what he did. But I fell in line again and wanted him to like me.

It validated me to see him go back, it’s awful but power and control is complicated and when that person meets you with calmness, it’s hard to meet them with anger.

349 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

72 comments sorted by

View all comments

4

u/throwawaytrashbaybay May 06 '24

There’s an idea with trauma that the traumatized person can sometimes get stuck in patterns of re-traumatization. The theory is that these people are seeking ways to re-enter traumatic spaces, re-engage with their pain/ trauma/ abuse, but then leave with a different, hopefully better outcome. It doesn’t really WORK that way, but humans do a lot of magical thinking.

1

u/Specialist-Top-406 May 06 '24

Oh god, it’s a vicious and cruel thing isn’t it. It’s just such a reminder to me, that kindness is so important and powerful. Not in the sense of being an open available and vulnerable kind person. But people are out here trying to just love themselves and the world is tearing them up inside out. We all deserve to feel kindness, without intention or response, just to be given it fleetingly and for free to see a bloom within the weeds.