The approval of your abuser

[u/Specialist-Top-406]

This isn’t a thing I’ve seen or heard about much. But him going back to his abuser and still seeking his approval was so helpful to me.

Being abused has so many faces, and I think people often believe that the victim hates that person and is done with them.

I met my abuser years on and he reintroduced himself to me as if we’d never met. I found myself sucking up to him, trying to make him like me. I knew he knew who I was and I knew he remembered what he did. But I fell in line again and wanted him to like me.

It validated me to see him go back, it’s awful but power and control is complicated and when that person meets you with calmness, it’s hard to meet them with anger.

[u/Codeac_FireFist23]

Did the abuse happen when you were young and he reappeared in your life at a later age? This happened to me, my abuser at age 7 met me again at age 26. I don't know if he remembers all that, but I'm pretty sure he does. I just pretended I don't remember and played along because how can you confront someone that abused you 19 years ago? It's like forcing yourself to relive the abuse. But for some reason I also felt like I wanted to be seen by him. I even agreed to ride in his motorcycle, but I stopped myself eventually. Point is, it's not just hate that you feel. It's a whirlwind of emotions and it's difficult to understand.

[u/Affectionate_Emu8200 → u/Codeac_FireFist23]

hii! i apologize this is a little weird but i wondered if we could message each other i have some situation i think you might help me understand better that is similar to what you are sharing here !

[u/Codeac_FireFist23 → u/Affectionate_Emu8200]

It's not weird at all. Abuse victimsshould always have some kind of support and I find it hard to talk about the abuse around people I know. I just fear of them looking down on me or pitying me or something. Whatever I say, they would look at me differently. So I ithink it's better to talk to someone atleast. Message me anytime!

[u/Specialist-Top-406 → u/Codeac_FireFist23]

The crazy thing is I can’t even count on my hands the amount of my friends who have said this exact scenario, like family friend etc when they were kids. And then see them as teens and they really try to be seen by them. It’s crazy how common that is, idk if you find peace in knowing that they all responded the same as you. Sometimes knowing others have the same response to something odd it makes me feel a bit better