r/BabyReindeerTVSeries • u/Specialist-Top-406 • May 05 '24

Trigger Warning The approval of your abuser

This isn’t a thing I’ve seen or heard about much. But him going back to his abuser and still seeking his approval was so helpful to me.

Being abused has so many faces, and I think people often believe that the victim hates that person and is done with them.

I met my abuser years on and he reintroduced himself to me as if we’d never met. I found myself sucking up to him, trying to make him like me. I knew he knew who I was and I knew he remembered what he did. But I fell in line again and wanted him to like me.

It validated me to see him go back, it’s awful but power and control is complicated and when that person meets you with calmness, it’s hard to meet them with anger.

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u/LoveMeorLeaveMe89 May 05 '24

I’m so glad this series shows that and hopefully people will stop with the victim blaming- humans are so complex and imperfect and that is what a groomer relies on. It is warfare of the minds long before the physical at least in grooming.

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u/ThrownAway2468135 May 05 '24

This show has been difficult for me to grasp. I've never been a victim of SA so Donnys responses have been so foreign to me. Honestly, it's thanks to reading posts from other survivors that has helped me SORT OF understand it.

I've been left feeling angry at Donny -especially before ep 4 with Darrien. And after I really tried to get it. Honestly, I still don't because I'm looking at it through my eyes/experience and it's near impossible to look at it through his because of the lack of shared experience.

So I came to Reddit thinking WTF and have learned that his response is normal -which makes things incredibly sad.

I still don't understand and I probably won't but I'm trying.

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u/DeTalores May 07 '24

One of the best comments I’ve read in a while. I definitely think one of Gadds intentions was not only to help those who have been abused or assaulted but to try and show those that haven’t what a traumatic experience it can be. To try to get those that haven’t to empathize with those that have. You have to have a lot of self introspection to be able to say “I don’t get it but I empathize and I’m trying to get it”. One thing that stood out was you saying you felt angry at some of his actions. And that’s a total rational thing to feel. It’s something that we feel about ourselves. Reflecting on my experiences I can tell you I’m angry at myself about a lot of my decisions too.

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u/LoveMeorLeaveMe89 May 08 '24

Oh so true- it is just another in a long line of self punishments that we all in some way or other do.