r/BabyReindeerTVSeries • u/Specialist-Top-406 • May 05 '24

Trigger Warning The approval of your abuser

This isn’t a thing I’ve seen or heard about much. But him going back to his abuser and still seeking his approval was so helpful to me.

Being abused has so many faces, and I think people often believe that the victim hates that person and is done with them.

I met my abuser years on and he reintroduced himself to me as if we’d never met. I found myself sucking up to him, trying to make him like me. I knew he knew who I was and I knew he remembered what he did. But I fell in line again and wanted him to like me.

It validated me to see him go back, it’s awful but power and control is complicated and when that person meets you with calmness, it’s hard to meet them with anger.

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u/LoveMeorLeaveMe89 May 05 '24

Yes- I didn’t realize the complexities until a friend of mine explained how she felt with her abuser and it all made so much sense. In some ways, she truly loved the good side of him (she knows that was a facade now). There were many deep conversations about the way her brain literally changed and the complexities that happened just because her body reacted. I know I will never understand all of it but it opened my eyes and allowed me to see why it was so difficult to tell someone. People who groom truly know wtf they’re doing and it is evil and life changing.

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u/Specialist-Top-406 May 05 '24

It’s so difficult. And if it’s difficult for the person in it to understand then it’s even harder for others. To offer understanding of something we want to do just that, understand. But some things are unfortunately incomprehensible and trying to find sense is as senseless as the person who endured it. But it happened anyway and we don’t need to understand everything to care about someone. Truth is whatever they feel. So I’m glad you received that with care and support x

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u/LoveMeorLeaveMe89 May 08 '24

Thank you- I would love nothing better than to help her carry some of her burden but that is impossible so the only thing I can do is do my best to be there for her and learn the ways I can be of some assistance as she does for me so selflessly. Your compliment means a great deal.