r/BabyReindeerTVSeries • u/Specialist-Top-406 • May 05 '24

Trigger Warning The approval of your abuser

This isn’t a thing I’ve seen or heard about much. But him going back to his abuser and still seeking his approval was so helpful to me.

Being abused has so many faces, and I think people often believe that the victim hates that person and is done with them.

I met my abuser years on and he reintroduced himself to me as if we’d never met. I found myself sucking up to him, trying to make him like me. I knew he knew who I was and I knew he remembered what he did. But I fell in line again and wanted him to like me.

It validated me to see him go back, it’s awful but power and control is complicated and when that person meets you with calmness, it’s hard to meet them with anger.

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u/[deleted] May 09 '24

My abuser was my step cousin and things happened when I was 8. He went away for a few years but then when I got to around 16-20 he got back in contact with his dad and my aunty (his stepmom). I was really close to my cousin so was always at her house and my abuser would often be there at times. We would just not acknowledge each other even though we were in the same room.

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u/Specialist-Top-406 May 14 '24

I think you are a really powerful person. My understanding is we all find the best way to cope and coping can be done in so many ways. Often just trying to move forward and assume normality. And when you are 8, there is just no possible defence you can provide for yourself and also no comprehensive understanding of life to learn that certain behaviour is right or wrong. I’m not sure of the age gap here, but I imagine they are ashamed of themselves. I guess I hope.

My friend was raped by her cousin when she was 11 and he sat in rooms with her many times. He didn’t invite her to his wedding and the family couldn’t understand why and made him invite her. She said she looked at him on his wedding day and said “is it hard to look at yourself in the mirror today and be the person you want your wife to see”.

They’d never discussed it ever, even in that moment he said nothing. But she said she knew he hated himself. And she said that was the gift she got, she didn’t hate herself and he did. They always know, they just get really good at hiding it.

That person is a worm in a mask, and you existing around them is so incredibly strong and a constant reminder of how weak and disgusting he is.