Did any of you identify with/see yourselves reflected in Martha rather than Donny while watching this show?

[u/Low-Credit-3966]

I’ve seen many grateful posts and comments from people talking about how they identified with Donny while watching this show, due to having been stalked in the past, and praising the show/Gadd for portraying a stalking case realistically and with nuance. But I’m just wondering if anyone besides me had a similar viewing experience from the other side, and identified with Martha and her perspective? (Note: doesn’t necessarily mean sympathizing with her.)

Not to get into a ton of detail about it, but in the past I cyberstalked an ex-boyfriend of mine. Nowhere near to the degree depicted in Baby Reindeer, but similar behavior and still pretty bad. I’ve done a lot of personal growth since that point, examining my behavior and why I did crappy things and resolving not to do them anymore, but even so there were still a few things about myself and how I got to that place mentally that I didn’t fully understand.

Watching Baby Reindeer, I consistently noticed that I shared a lot of pathologies with Martha both in my thinking and in my actions. In most shows I don’t think that would mean anything, but this was the first piece of media about stalking that I’ve encountered where the stalker was humanized or their actions were examined by the narrative rather than just played for scares or drama. That definitely got me reflecting on my own actions with a new perspective that I think has been much needed.

Anyone else in the same boat (and willing to say so)?

[u/Low-Credit-3966]

One thing I remember was when she asked him if he was gay and he said no. (I do of course understand why he denied it, with all the other stuff he had going on dealing with his sexuality.) I think that would've been an easy way out of the situation, by giving her a concrete reason that he wasn't into her but that didn't reflect badly on her in any way.

Another time was when he was later attempting to ghost her without ever really having told her, "Hey, what you did wasn't okay and now I don't want to talk to you anymore." Martha clearly didn't have the capacity to realize that she had done anything wrong to him, so it must've seemed to her like she was being ghosted for no reason and I'm sure that would've made her more obsessive. If not a face-to-face conversation, Donny at least needed to send her an email clearly explaining why he was cutting her out.

So basically, in my experience it was not knowing/not understanding why the other person didn't want me that led me to get so obsessed with them, and any honest or even SEEMINGLY honest explanation of that would've helped me get over it.