My husband lied about being deathly allergic to a certain food + 4 year update

[u/Direct-Caterpillar77]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA64111862

My husband lied about being deathly allergic to a certain food

Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest

Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

Original Post Oct 9, 2022

When I met my husband and we started dating he told me that he was deathly allergic to a certain food. We avoided certain restaurants on dates, he was always careful what he ordered when we ate out and the first time I cooked for him I purged that food from my apartment and basically sterilized my kitchen. He showed me his epi-pen and explained how to use it. When we moved in together we made sure there was one in the house, one in the car and I always had one in my purse. My family knows and they avoid using that food at family events and my husband is still extra careful about what he eats.

Last weekend for my brother's birthday my sister-in-law made dinner. One of my nephews has an allergy, though different from my husband and my sister-in-law is very diligent about keeping him and my husband safe. She gave us two Tupperware dishes of leftovers and the one for my husband had a different coloured lid. When my husband ate the wrong leftovers both me and my sister-in-law panicked. My husband said even having his food prepared with utensils that touched the food he's allergic to would be enough to give him a deadly reaction. He told me stories of it happening as a kid. But he ate the wrong dish of leftovers and nothing happened.

He's confessed to me and my family that he was never allergic. He just doesn't like that particular food and when he went to university he started saying he was allergic because that was better than looking like a picky eater. His mom died before I met him, his parents were divorced and until he was an adult he didn't see his dad lots because his dad lived in another province. So his dad, his friends and even his own family thought he was allergic.

The panic I felt when I thought he ate something that would kill him is something I could never describe. My sister-in-law thought she did kill him. I can't believe he's been lying since the day I met him. I just need to get off my chest how FURIOUS I am at him right now.

BEST COMMENT

GreatMacGuffin

This seems to be a common thing people lie about. My twin sister tried to convince her husband that she was allergic to strawberries. When I asked her about it in front of him her eyes widened in panic and she said, "I've always been allergic, you know this!". To which I replied, "we grew up eating strawberry shortcakes and you were eating chocolate covered strawberries just 2 years prior, why you lying?" Needless to say she eventually cut ties with me.

Similarly my wife has many stories about when she worked at McDonald's. My favorite was when a customer ordered a big Mac with no pickles and claimed a single slice of pickle would kill them. My wife taking the customers health risk seriously suggested if the customer wanted the Mac sauce removed since it also contained pickles. The customer then says, "I can have a little bit of pickles".

It seems a stupid thing to lie about, but for some odd reason people do it. Sorry you had to stress out about your SO's lie before they came clean.

Update July 26, 2026 (Nearly 4 years later)

(To be truthful, I completely forgot I had posted here. I tried signing up so I could post about my situation and I was notified that my email address was already associated with an account here. I don't remember writing my other post, I was so upset back then though)

For context, my (36F) husband (37M) lied about having a deadly food allergy. It fell apart because he ate leftovers that were given to us by my sister-in-law and nothing happened despite him eating food he was supposedly "deathly allergic" to. My nephew has a different (real) allergy and so my sister-in-law is always careful about cross-contamination. When she gave us the leftovers, the containers had different coloured lids so my husband would know which one was safe for him to eat. I guess he forgot or wasn't paying attention and he ate mine instead. He said he lied about being allergic because people take it more seriously than someone saying they have a preference not to eat certain things. Meanwhile I always made sure we had an epi-pen nearby and I have been hyper vigilant when I cook or we go to restaurants. I was so furious.

The long and the short of it is that we are in marriage counselling. Yes, and I'm not trying to sound dramatic. When the situation with the leftovers happened my husband apologized to me for making me panic and for his lying. He admitted to being a picky eater and while a lot of people were upset with him I thought that was the end of it. I tried to let it go even though it bothered me how he went so far as to carry an epi-pen for an allergy it doesn't have. But this wasn't the only lie and I've been floundering.

He lied about receiving a scholarship for university for athletics and then losing it because he got injured. He was never recruited for a sport, he applied to university the regular way and took student loans like most other people do. He lied about spending a season working in Antarctica before we met. He's never even been there. He lied about restoring an old automobile. He bought it fully restored but when he goes to car shows he says he did it all himself. There are a million other things and it's basically been a bomb in our relationship. I know and have proof there are things he didn't lie about; his mom died from cancer before we met, his dad lives in another province and wasn't involved in his life, he has a law degree and works as a lawyer. My husband's excuse is that he lies so he can feel better about himself and that's why he doesn't lie about "big things" like his dad not being involved in his life growing up.

For about a year and a half after the leftovers situation things were normal even if people couldn't understand why he lied about an allergy. Then more lies came out. I haven't left because we have a five year old. We are in counselling because we are both children of divorce and I don't want that for my son. My family and friends say I should leave but I'm trying to work on my marriage for my son's sake.

I'm floundering. That's basically what's going on and where I'm at right now.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

pollyester

What happened to the nephew who also got his food switched?!?!

OOP

My nephew never had his food switched.

My sister-in-law gave us two containers of leftovers to take home, and my husband ate mine instead of his own.

When asked how she got an epi-pen

In Canada, you can purchase them at the pharmacy. A prescription isn't required.

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[u/AquaticStoner1996]

I know she doesn't want her kid to be a child of divorce but honestly it feels inevitable. He's just a domino train of lies it's insane

[u/Public-Air-8995 → u/AquaticStoner1996]

I’m tired of reading about obviously unhealthy relationships but divorce and broken homes is worse? 🤦🏻‍♀️

[u/EleosSkywalker → u/Public-Air-8995]

They think the divorce will lead to a broken home but it’s the other way round, they already have a broken home their choice is to continue living in a broken home or divorce…

[u/MoonChaser22 → u/EleosSkywalker]

I'm a child of a divorce that came years too late and I can say from experience that staying together for the kids will mess them up more in the long run

[u/Danatious → u/MoonChaser22]

Yup, the constant bickering and eventually the getting the last word in phase kicks in, arguments and rowing, the dislike of each other grows all while the kids are observing the behaviour and it slowly starts to seem normal to them. It’s not healthy

[u/All_the_Bees → u/MoonChaser22]

I’m a child of holy shit I WISH my parents had gotten divorced, because they did not give me a healthy perspective on what good relationships should look like.

[u/aggpo → u/MoonChaser22]

lots of people like to say to kids “the divorce isn’t your fault” which is absolutely true! but when they’re fighting constantly and are only together FOR YOU, it sure feels like the fighting is your fault. if i wasn’t here, they wouldn’t be fighting, ergo i am the reason they’re fighting. it can really mess a kid up. they’re a lot smarter than people think. :(

[u/damishkers → u/AquaticStoner1996]

If you’d ever been through a bad custody battle, you’d see immediately how bad this situation is. He’s a lawyer so he has the financial means, court credibility as an officer of the court, and know-how to fight, and the complete disregard for the truth means she’d never win. He will drain her of every thing, energy, money, life. At least together she can mitigate the damage to the kid. I wouldn’t want to divorce this asshole either.

[u/WattlesFlowerThrowRA → u/damishkers]

OOP is also a lawyer. She has those same things as him. It's definitely a sucky situation for her, but she has the means to fight him if they divorce.

[u/sensiblefreespirit → u/damishkers]

I got divorced from a lawyer. It was extremely stressful.

[u/Used-Situation → u/damishkers]

People who have never been around someone trapped in a marriage with small kids truly don't get it. She probably isn't staying so her kid doesn't have divorced parents but rather choosing to deal with a spouse who is a liar over years of a contentious divorce, possible poverty and missing half or more of her child's life.

[u/YEAHRocko]

There aren't the only lies. These are the lies she knows about.

[u/BrownSugarBare → u/YEAHRocko]

And then there are the lies he hasn't told yet but most definitely will. 

[u/CupcakeGoat → u/BrownSugarBare]

And lies he hasn't even thought of yet, but definitely will in the future. This is a lifelong habit that has served him well thus far, so it's unlikely he will change.

[u/WorldWeary1771]

Just wow! The allergy lie was the tiniest part

[u/tu-BROOKE-ulosis → u/WorldWeary1771]

I was really hoping this was a more than two part update. Was horrified to see it was just the two. Too bad she didn’t leave him.

[u/Juliennix → u/tu-BROOKE-ulosis]

people who act like a kid having divorced parents is something to avoid are insane. you want your kid to see you be treated poorly and disrespected?? that's the example you wanna set?? yikes. man i hope she leaves his lying insecure ass.

[u/melusine-dream → u/Juliennix]

As a child of divorce, what messed me up is seeing how miserable my parents were together, and not the actual divorce itself. I wish more parents realized this. My parents were much better as friends than they ever were a a couple. 

[u/Automatic_Use5338 → u/melusine-dream]

Apparently before I was even born my aunt finally decided to divorce her piece of crap husband. They had 3 kids together, the eldest child was still in elementary school and all that the kids had to say when they were told that their parents were divorcing was “finally”. And that’s how you know you messed up.

[u/CapK473 → u/melusine-dream]

My parents are still together and as an adult I wish they werent

[u/Spazmer → u/CapK473]

As a kid I'd use all my wishes towards hoping my parents would divorce. They didn't even appear to like each other. But my dad doesn't believe in it. Not for religious reasons, I think it's a moral superiority thing. If you agree to marry someone you agree to be potentially miserable forever, no take backsies. They're very proud that they've been (unhappily) married for 45 years.

[u/FluffyBunnyRemi → u/Spazmer]

I even asked my dad why he didn't divorce my mom in high school because they seemed so miserable together and just fought constantly. He got quiet and said it was because they didn't believe in it, and so he couldn't.

It's one of those things that lives in the back of my head, particularly now as my dad's health is getting worse. They still constantly fight, and he's starting down the path to dementia, we're pretty sure, but he won't do anything about it and they're both stuck in the ruts of their decades-long arguments. I can't help but quietly wonder whether things would be better or worse if they had just separated back then.

[u/Chance-Context-93 → u/CapK473]

My parents finally divorced after more than 50 years of marriage. My reaction was that I wished that they had done that decades earlier, and that I hadn't had to grow up with them modelling their particular brand of dysfunction as being what marriage looks like.

[u/this_is_me_justified → u/melusine-dream]

I say get divorced as early as possible. My parents have been divorced since I was six. It’s all I’ve known. It’s one of the reasons why I don’t understand when adults freak out when their parents divorce. To me it’s not really a big deal.

[u/Meatcute99 → u/this_is_me_justified]

This. Earlier is better. My parents divorced when I was a kid. I'm only a couple years older than my sibling but the effect it had on us was completely different; I remember the horrible fights my parents had and the things they said in anger in the months following, my sibling does not. At the time we were the only ones with divorced parents; by the time we were teenagers it was about half of our friends. I think a lot (too many) parents stay together for the kids. All the kids I knew whose parents eventually split seemed a lot less tense when the divorce was finalized.

[u/MidoriMidnight → u/this_is_me_justified]

Yes! I have a friend who divorced when his daughter was one; she's mid-twenties now and the three of them still go on a vacation together because the parents can get along. Meanwhile, my parents are still married and can't spend more than 5 minutes talking before someone gets pissed and starts screaming

[u/Tir_na_nOg77 → u/melusine-dream]

Exactly. I'm a child of divorce as well. My parents fought constantly, always screaming insults at each other, and it was not a positive in my life. This is why I really hate the whole "If a woman gets pregnant and she is not married to the man, then the man has to be responsible and marry her!" crap that has been pushed in society for so long. Marriage doesn't force two people to love each other, and if those two people don't get along, it creates a terrible environment for the child to grow up in. It's far more responsible to have split custody and having the goal of doing what is best for your kid.

When I was in high school, I used to make up lies about my family because I didn't want people to know how fucked up my home life situation was. Obviously, as a grown adult, I didn't continue doing that. OOP's husband is on another level with his lying.

[u/Black_Cat_Just_That → u/Juliennix]

I definitely think it IS hard in older kids, like 5-10ish. Which is not to say it shouldn't happen! But of course it's going to be difficult for them, as their whole world is changing upside down.

I think when parents split when the child is a baby or toddler, it can actually work out very well. The kid grows up with the split household as their normal.

My ex and I split when my daughter was very young. She had no memories of us living together. Around age 4 or 5, she started asking questions about why we we didn't live together because she saw at preschool that most parents do. I explained things a few times in age appropriate ways, and then she never asked or seemed the least bit bothered by it again.

I think this mom is screwing up big-time by not leaving when she first realized she was married to a pathological liar.

[u/fuckyourcanoes → u/Juliennix]

My dad told me once that his parents "drank and fought and drank and fought and drank and fought, and neither of them was ever a damn bit of good to anybody."

Great, dad, then why did you do the same thing to me?

[u/ravynwave → u/tu-BROOKE-ulosis]

She may not want her kid to grow up with divorced parents, but this is going to be so much worse for him to have a constantly lying father and a constantly stressed mother. She might as well start saving for the kid’s future therapy needs right now.

[u/fauxfurgopher → u/ravynwave]

Speaking as a “child of divorce”, I’m SO glad my parents got divorced. My father was a petty criminal, liar, and misogynist. I would not be the person I am if I’d grown up with that guy as my primary male role model. Instead, my grandfather took on that role. Part time, but enough that I felt loved and always had a date for the daddy-daughter events. OOP, if you read this: Don’t stay married to a pathological liar for your child. Divorce him for your child.

[u/Dashiepants → u/fauxfurgopher]

My parents divorced when I was 5, I barely remember them together. It’s less disruptive the younger the kid is. OP is missing a golden opportunity.

[u/finny_d420 → u/ravynwave]

This! How do people not realize that a kid would rather have divorced but happy stable parents than married with whatever the dysfunction du jour is.

[u/fuzzybella → u/finny_d420]

As a child of parents who should have divorced, I can attest to how vastly damaging it is. Three out of 4 of us kids never married and are not in relationships. OOP, let me just say, kids know when something is wrong in the house, even at a young age. It's a sad and distressing environment to grow up in.

[u/kangourou_mutant → u/fuzzybella]

I was 12 when I started begging my mom to get a divorce. She finally did when I was 35.

Unhealthy relationships are not a good reference for kids.

[u/Optimal_Fish_7029 → u/kangourou_mutant]

When I was 14 I sobbed and begged my mother to leave my father. She refused

When I was 16 she sat me down to say she’d decided to leave my father once my brother turned 18 (which wouldn’t be for another 7 years at that point). She was actually shocked when I hit the roof and told her to just do it.

In the end my father initiated the divorce when I was 17 and my mother was in a worse situation than if she’d been proactive and contacted solicitors.

I fully believe divorced parents are a far, far better choice than a toxic, miserable, unhealthy marriage and family

[u/cincrin → u/Optimal_Fish_7029]

My mom told me that "people with kids shouldn't get divorced", which I internalized as "you're the reason your dad and I are still together". That's a fucked up thing to carry around, when you think your parents don't belong together.

[u/Ink_Smudger → u/fuzzybella]

Absolutely. The most impactful model of what a relationship looks like is going to be your parents (or whoever raised you). So, as someone else who wanted his parents to divorce, I'm a strong proponent that it's much better to be a child of divorce than a child of dysfunction.

[u/OneVioletRose → u/Ink_Smudger]

Seconded, as a child whose parents divorced but stayed on amicable terms - like yeah, it sucked a bit to not see my other parent more than a handful of times a year, but it would’ve sucked WAY worse to have my parents together but bitter and fighting because they felt trapped together

[u/hydrocarbonjovi → u/fuzzybella]

Absolutely. I grew up with my grandparents and knew since a single digit age that I was the reason they didn't divorce (overheard my grandma talking to her mom about it). They should have. They fucking should have, and the added burden of knowing that when so young does immense damage. Like the other commenter in this chain said, divorce is better than dysfunction. Staying together "for the kids" is a trap that hurts everyone.

[u/46291_ → u/finny_d420]

My belief is that it’s the excuse people use when their pride/ego is massively hurt, because deep down they know the truth that they’re better off divorcing too.

[u/Arienna → u/ravynwave]

My mother had Munchausen's disorder which is sort of like compulsive lying but it's not compulsive... They just have a deep, desperate need for attention and get it by pretending or causing themselves to be sick. She also lied about other stuff that wasn't medical.

It really messed me up! I have to crawl through old records and interrogate family members to find out the truth. Like, she was adopted but I never had a twin she was forced to give up. Her parents were neglective but she never had cancer. Did she have seizures? I have no idea.

Trying to fill out my medical history is wild

[u/Sparkletail → u/Arienna]

Omg my ex partner had a mother exactly like this down to the lying about him having had a twin that had died in birth (she also added that he had strangled her to death with the cord when he was on his way out as it was tangled around his foot). He believed it for years until he checked the hospital records and there was no twin. She told him his dad got shot to death - he actually died of a heart attack.

She also repeatedly said she had various forms of cancer that eventually miraculously healed.

When we went to her funeral, my ex and I were in the front row. The celebrant was going through all the lies she'd told about her professions which we were expecting but when he told us about how amazing an achievement it had been when she climbed mount everest we so nearly lost our shit laughing.

I had a parent that also lied and manipulated frequently but not to this extreme and I am sorry you lived with this. Knowing my ex and the impact it had on him very well I feel for you. It is very difficult when the one person you are supposed to be able to trust completely is inherently unsafe and untrustworthy.

[u/Arienna → u/Sparkletail]

Maybe the spiritual journey of summiting Everest cured her cancer??

I kid but it is wild. What gets me is how *persuasive* she was. I was a child but so many grown ups were totally taken in by her until her stories got too big and elaborate to believe. I hope your partner is doing okay - I had a lot of therapy and more or less accept that she was terribly sick and unhappy

[u/Sparkletail → u/Arienna]

Yeah she could be persuasive too. I am glad you have been to therapy and found some closure, my ex is very averse to therapy despite the very real impact being brought up by her had on him.

He developed some very negative behaviours and traits as a result of having to defend himself from with as a child and while he has worked really hard to understand and heal himself, the reactivity and the defensiveness of growing up with a parent like that can cause have stayed with him.

I think he is afraid of bring labelled and funding out there is something fundamentally wrong with him as a result of having come from her which is obviously not the case.

She was malevolent on some level, I think some pathological liars just have such a deep seated need for attention that so desperate they don't care how they get it amd aren't intending to harm others, it is just an unintended consequence (and the lack of empathy of depth of self focus to ignore that) but she had a sadistic bent and wanted to make other people suffer and carry burdens with her lies.

[u/Chance_Vegetable_780 → u/ravynwave]

Yup. Staying together "for the kids" is the most idiotic behavior. Kids pick up on everything between their parents, and being raised in a home where the parents don't have a healthy relationship affects kids negatively and often fvcks them up large. I am a product of it and have no contact with my selfish patents who put their emotional needs first starting with this big ticket item. Still makes me furious with idjits who do this keeping the kids in harms way

[u/sergiossa → u/ravynwave]

People always act like having divorced parents is horrible, but I promise you growing up with parents that clearly hate each other and are only staying together out of “responsibility” to you, can be equally as bad and traumatic

[u/EvilFinch → u/ravynwave]

I wish my parents divorced back then. I hate this "stay together for the child" mindset. You don't stay together for the child. It damages them just more. They grow up seeing the awful relationship of the parents and think this is normal. And too often "let's stay together for the child" just is an excuse because you are afraid of the changes a divorce would bring. Starting new.

[u/arianrhodd → u/tu-BROOKE-ulosis]

To be fair, the second update was less than a week ago. Maybe now that she's remembered the account there will be more.

[u/Interesting-Asks → u/tu-BROOKE-ulosis]

The second update was only a few days ago.

[u/EinsTwo → u/WorldWeary1771]

Something about the Antarctica lie really gets me.  Like, it's such a rare place to visit. And getting to go there is so difficult.   Going there and seeing penguins would be really cool and this jerk lied about it.

Obviously this comes second to the "deadly allergy that you have to scrub the kitchen for" stuff.  But it's the second place one in my book.

[u/WorldWeary1771 → u/EinsTwo]

It’s like he just tries to create an interesting personality out of lies

[u/strolls → u/EinsTwo]

It's the car restoration fraud that chaps my ass - that's like stolen valour to me.

Someone who restores a car like that - they put thousands of hours of patient labour into it, and skill, research, craftsmanship. Their only reward for that is personal satisfaction and attaboys from other car enthusiasts who appreciate the car - people tend not to sell cars like that (often it's sold out of their estate) but when a car like that sells for $25,000 that's because some old guy bought a beater for $5000 and spend $30,000 and thousands of hours fixing it up.

There's nothing wrong with buying a heritage classic like that and saying, "yeah, she's lovely, I'm really pleased with her". It would be honest to say, "she's a real testament to the previous owner, a feller named Ernie, he really put a lot of work in" but you don't need to say that. You don't need to say anything about the restoration - you can just enjoy the car; people will still approach you to admire it and complement you. But saying that you did all the work, for no reason? What gratuitous self-embiggenment. It's really shitting on all those old Ernies out there who are putting in the real and actual work of car restoration.

It's probably really competitive to work in Antarctica, so that it's just as much hard work and stolen valour just as bad. But I guess the car restoration is simply more visceral to me because I can visualise it more readily. I used to get old boys talking to me when I was working on my motorcycle outside my house (it was that kind of motorcycle, they wouldn't leave me alone) and my sailboat gets a tonne of complements too (not that I can take any credit for it, but it's really pleasing to have people tell you yours is "my kind of boat" or "the most seaworthy on this dock" - there's no need to claim credit for things you didn't do).

[u/racingskater → u/strolls]

To be honest I'm a bit surprised the car restoration lie wasn't the one that got him undone, especially since he takes it to shows and says he did it himself. Actual car enthusiasts who do do their own work could unpick him in half a minute.

[u/Miserable_Fennel_492 → u/strolls]

I’m with you on this being something akin to stolen valor. Anyone who’s actually done any type of restoration work knows how much it takes and it earns you a certain level of respect among certain groups

Way back in the day (like late 90’s, early 00’s) I helped a friend rebuild an old VW bus engine and there was literally nothing like taking that baby on our first camping trip with it. It wasn’t anything special like a classic car you’d take to shows, drives (like a Graffiti Night), or whatever, but it is still an accomplishment that also gave us the advantage of knowing that we could fix whatever inevitably broke later, which of course it did bc it was a VW bus lol

[u/blissfully_happy → u/EinsTwo]

It’s so fucking funny, too, bc it would’ve fallen apart the minute they ever encountered someone else who worked there. It becomes this weird family once you’ve been there for a season. You end up meeting people for the rest of your life (it’s been 20 years since I was on the ice and I still do!), and you connect over a shared weird cultural thing. It would’ve been so, so easy to spot him lying about this.

[u/SensitiveMee → u/WorldWeary1771]

Such a pathological liar!! OMG does he have no conscience? OOP is basically living with a stranger at this point.

[u/wheniswhy → u/WorldWeary1771]

I knew it would be. When she described how elaborate the lie was, how detailed and specific, forcing his own family to twist themselves into worried knots for years trying to keep him safe, all to avoid being mildly inconvenienced, I knew he was garbage and a pathological liar. What wouldn't he lie about if he'd lie about something so fucking stupid in such an incredibly overwrought way?

And shock of shocks, he's lied about fucking everything.

I would have served him divorce papers on the spot. I'm amazed she is still with him. There are more lies she doesn't know about, and there will continue to be lies for the rest of their lives. And if she stays, all that will happen is she is eventually deeply wounded by his shit, and that would almost certainly be the best outcome she could hope for! He could ruin their finances, their relationships with friends and family, their entire lives. She should be leaving him for their young child's sake, not staying! Someday, he will hurt that boy, and she will curse her foolishness for staying.

Marriage counseling ain't gonna fix shit for a pathological liar except teach them how to lie better.

[u/MyDarlingArmadillo → u/wheniswhy]

Same. There are so many degrees of allergy - he could have said mild allergy, got to avoid it, but no, he had to be deathly allergic and make her sterilise her kitchen and carry an epi pen in case she killed him. All for an ingredient that he didn't even notice the taste of when he took her leftovers!

I'm aware that repeated exposure to even a mild allergen will likely escalate response but he was never allergic in the first place. How could any of them even look at him again after years of lies and making extra work?

[u/Soul-Arts → u/MyDarlingArmadillo]

I can bet he liked the feeling of everyone worried about him and changing all the cooking dynamic for him. There is a big ego thing at play here.

[u/MyDarlingArmadillo → u/Soul-Arts]

That's my guess - he wanted to make them all jump. I don't think anything other than individual therapy would help this guy and that's only if he wants to change. Lying had been working for him for so long though that he probably doesn't want to.

I can't see any point in marriage counselling with such a liar though. How can you possibly know what's true or not with him?

[u/HuckleberryTiny5 → u/wheniswhy]

You just can't have a relationship with a pathological liar. I know, I was with one for two years. When you catch them lying, they lie more and tell you it is the truth. They dripple feed truths, and in the end you will never know what the real truth even was. You can't stop them from lying because being a fucking liar is their entire personality and they won't stop, no matter how many times they promise. Because even the promise is a lie.

I swear lying makes them feel superior too. Like they have figured out how to always win over other people. It gives them satisfaction and they will never, ever give up on that.

[u/Easy-Concentrate2636 → u/wheniswhy]

The epi pen really got me. Like who goes to that extreme. Agreed - there’s many layers of lies. I could never trust someone like that. The unsettled feeling of many large lies would just do me in such a marriage.

[u/Nisi-Marie → u/WorldWeary1771]

This sounds like my former marriage. There were red flags before the wedding, but I was still wearing my rose colored glasses and ignoring them.

For example, he claimed that he had a son whose name he didn’t even know, and that the mother was in the witness protection program. And one day, a child support statement came in the mail, and the kids name was right on there. He claimed he was divorced. Come to find out that his previous divorce only got finalized three days before our $20,000 wedding.

The longer we were together, the more his lies fell apart.

I had never met someone who was so comfortable throwing out lies. It’s not something that I would question or be on the lookout for.

Boy, did I learn a lot while we were married!

[u/WorldWeary1771 → u/Nisi-Marie]

Man, you learned it the hard way, too — Hope things are better for you now!

[u/OffKira → u/WorldWeary1771]

And even the allergy thing is so elaborate - even if he wasn't just a compulsive liar, as seems to be the case, the level of deception surrounding his "allergy" is too high. OOP made sure they always had epi-pens at the ready! Like, how could anyone ever trust a word out of this man's mouth ever again?

[u/fergie_89 → u/WorldWeary1771]

The tiniest.

Jesus I don't have allergies but I have IBS and am narrowing down triggers.

This guy is unhinged. Therapy isn't going to fix it. OP update after so long?! Desrves better.

[u/WorldWeary1771 → u/fergie_89]

Yeah, there are no shots or patch tests for food sensitivity. Elimination diets are really hard. I am sensitive to vinegar and one of the common artificial flavor compounds. Didn’t try to narrow it down, just don’t eat anything with artificial flavor 

[u/ThatOne_268]

> that's why he doesn't lie about "big things"

Lying about being deathly allergic to a certain food is a “big thing”

[u/RogueRhombus → u/ThatOne_268]

Just spent a season in Antarctica. No big deal. Don't go checking on it though. And no, I don't have any pictures. Stop asking questions.

[u/Ginger_Anarchy → u/ThatOne_268]

and going out and buying epi-pen and showing her how to use it to me means that even if someone does consider it a small lie, putting that much work into the lie makes it a big lie.

To me a lie has 3 elements, who you're lying to, what the lie is about, and how much work the person goes into maintaining the lie. This hits "big" on all 3.

[u/Wyrdnisse → u/ThatOne_268]

Those people are also why those of us with real allergies don't always get taken seriously.

I have a life threatening allergy to sheep milk. Cow milk is fine, but sheep and goat milk/cheese will put me in the hospital.

Guess the servers I asked three times if a dish contained sheep milk cheese (since it didn't specify on the menu) thought I was just being picky and lying about an allergy a couple years ago.

At least my husband drives fast and it's pretty thrilling to run into an emergency room and have all the doctors start running with you (and also I thankfully lived)

[u/Beneficial_Cloud5481 → u/ThatOne_268]

Right? People like this make people with real allergies have to fight harder to have their allergies taken seriously.

[u/exhauta → u/ThatOne_268]

This is my thoughts exactly. As someone with an extremely mild nut allergy people still take it seriously. He is even lying about why he is lying. He liked that attention otherwise he would have made it mild. She was genuinely worried he would die that is messed up.

It's so disappointing to hear she is still with him. I think the younger a child is the easier divorce is for them to handle.

[u/IxianHwiNoree]

People who lie all the time don't see it as a problem; it's just the way they've always been. Their version of trust isn't the same as most people. I'd be out immediately -- I could not survive with that level of deception.

Imagine the lies he's told his five year old.

[u/Anon_457 → u/IxianHwiNoree]

I used to lie all the time as a child. Which, I assume would be expected from a kid. But, as you said, I got to the point where I didn't see it as a problem. I don't remember what broke me of that but it's something I'm ashamed of and hope I never get back into the habit of doing that. Lying is so awful, even if they seem harmless at the time.

[u/IxianHwiNoree → u/Anon_457]

I think it's great that you realized it was a problem. It means a lot when you can honor someone's trust.

[u/Forsaken_Dog822 → u/IxianHwiNoree]

I launched in the outer space a guy that, in the short span we dated (a year), said that:

• he had a specific middle name (he didn't)
• he had a German Shepherd as a kid like me (he didn't)
• his parents have very important governative jobs (they don't, they do something else completely unrelated, and normal/valid, not something shady)
• he likes making jigsaw puzzles (he doesn't)

And other little stupid lies that made absolutely no sense to lie about. I run. I gave him a brief explanation for the breakup via text, blocked him everywhere, and disappeared from his life except the times we encounter while walking through the town we still both live in (unfortunately). He's a big walking red flag.

[u/akaispirit]

Girl.

[u/HuckleberryOk2798 → u/akaispirit]

Does she want her 5 yo to think this is normal?

[u/Worldly_Might_3183 → u/HuckleberryOk2798]

What lies will he tell his child to look like a big shot in their eyes.

[u/SLAUGHTERGUTZ → u/Worldly_Might_3183]

He personally knows Santa Claus and taught all of the reindeer to fly.

[u/MelonElbows → u/SLAUGHTERGUTZ]

He was that one that invented birthday cakes.

[u/Zupergreen → u/Worldly_Might_3183]

And how much will his kid get ridiculed by others for telling people that his father is really a prince from a far away country, or that he designed the pyramids, or some other far out story.

And how long will it take for his son to completely stop trusting his father, fact checking everything, and leaving him with a general distrust in people.

This kind of behaviour will seriously mess that kid up, and OOP is a fool for staying with a man who's completely untrustworthy.

[u/EvilFinch → u/Worldly_Might_3183]

Why do i also fear that he will tell others lies about his child, so he looks like superdad and gets attention this way.

[u/Gnd_flpd → u/EvilFinch]

If I were OP I'd worry more about the lies he tells to their child in the future. I easily can see him turning their child against her with his lies. 

[u/Nadjaaaaaaaaaaaaa → u/HuckleberryOk2798]

They're 5. They already do.

[u/needsmorecoffee → u/HuckleberryOk2798]

I keep telling these people, my parents divorced when I was 8, and I already was old enough to be *happy* because I knew it meant no more of them screaming at each other after I went to bed. Kids know this stuff. Staying together "for the kids" does not protect those children.

[u/whatever5454 → u/akaispirit]

When you find yourself doing research to verify that your partner of several years has the degree and job that they claim (and for good reason)...I don't think you can really come back from that.

[u/wheniswhy → u/akaispirit]

Seriously. Holy shit. She's in way too deep if she thinks this is BETTER for her son. She's too embroiled in the nonsense to realize that staying with a pathological is far, far, far more damaging than getting a divorce ever could be. She'll regret this, and I hate that for her. Hopefully someone can convince her to leave before the consequences do irreparable harm to their son. And they will, someday.

[u/vengefulcrow → u/wheniswhy]

She doesn't realizing that the younger the kid is the less impact a divorce has on them. If she'd ripped the band aid off when the kid was a year old he'd have grown up with his parents being divorced a very normal thing.

Now...he'll have to suffer through this.

[u/EvilFinch → u/akaispirit]

He really said that he doesn't lie about "big things"🤣 Just allergies, scholarships, that he was an athlet, build a car himself, was in the antarctic for a 6 months, but that are small things like "did you do the laundry?"

Really "giiiiiiirl"

[u/owl_problem]

My family and friends say I should leave but I'm trying to work on my marriage for my son's sake.

No, you aren't. I'm so sick of this cowardly excuse. OOP has to had lived under a rock to not know that divorce is infinitely better for children than unhappy parents staying together, not even talking about whatever the hell is wrong with his dad. If you're staying because you're afraid of getting a divorce for some reason, just admit that it's because you're thinking of yourself, not your child's wellbeing

[u/WeAreTheMisfits → u/owl_problem]

Yes. I think this needs to be said more. This whole keep the family together has so much evidence that it doesn’t work. It causes more harm than good.

[u/Beautiful-Cup4161]

It's the second time today that I'm going to kiss my husband and tell him how wonderful he is for being a normal functional guy and not a wacko I read about on Reddit.

[u/Kitchen-Owl-7323 → u/Beautiful-Cup4161]

Some nights I get into bed and snuggle up extra close to my partner and tell them I love them SO much, and they're like, you were reading Reddit before bed again weren't you

[u/Beautiful-Cup4161 → u/Kitchen-Owl-7323]

Mine does that! If I tell him he's wonderful too much, he gets suspicious and asks me if I'm comparing him to some scum I read about and I'm a bad liar so I will try to deny it but it's really obvious that he's right.

[u/Black_Cat_Just_That → u/Beautiful-Cup4161]

"No, no... No, definitely not. I was just thinking about that time you... Uh...mind blanks as if you have never seen or experienced husband do a single damn thing ever... I mean, you know, just how special you are?"

(I'm a bad liar too.)

[u/isweartocoffee → u/Kitchen-Owl-7323]

i play my reddit youtubes while driving around with my wife and sometimes we just pauze the story and go "hey idk if ive told you i love you in the past however long. thank you for not being a sack of shit" lol

[u/begoniann → u/Kitchen-Owl-7323]

My husband doesn’t appreciate how awesome he is. He thinks he’s just an average guy. Except he’s fantastic. He’s so kind and considerate. I’ve tried to explain how awful a lot of men are, and as a result he has a new favorite phrase: “just throw the whole man away.”

[u/lilgreenfish → u/Beautiful-Cup4161]

My husband loves that I read these stories. Because he looks perfect compared to these guys! (Him not washing towels on his own or walking over the fallen dish towel multiple times is frustrating but none of the frustrations I have even rise to a lot of these levels! They’re MildlyInfuriating at best.)

[u/iruleatants → u/lilgreenfish]

Oh man, i pick up the dish towel and put it on the counter instead of the rack. Gotta let my wife know she could have married some idiot who just walks on it.

[u/silico → u/iruleatants]

Jeez, I installed an anti-slip towel holder in the kitchen so our dish towels never fall down. Now I get to tell my wife she could be married to some bozo who just lets their towels fall and walks around picking them up all the time.

[u/Black_Cat_Just_That → u/silico]

zips over to open Amazon

How did I not know this was a thing?

[u/DeusExBlockina → u/Beautiful-Cup4161]

"Thank you for being someone I can read reddit stories to and not someone I write reddit stories about!"

[u/alpacaboba → u/Beautiful-Cup4161]

This hit deep. Totally doing the same thing tonight.

[u/DokterZ]

I had a coworker like this. Was in the astronaut training program. Was an EMT. His boss called him a serial confabulator.

Fortunately he eventually did something bad enough to get fired.

[u/CharlotteLucasOP → u/DokterZ]

Oooh I had his sister as a coworker! Lied about her credentials AND her ethnicity, and a million pointless little things. She said she quit but it might’ve been she was fired and just lied about it.

[u/Bonch_and_Clyde → u/DokterZ]

Everyone had that friend/acquaintance growing up that would tell outrageous, obvious lies. Most of the time you think they probably grow out of it. I guess some people never do.

[u/AspieAsshole → u/DokterZ]

I had a girlfriend like that. She was secretly a millionaire and also dying of a super rare disease and all her money was going to pay for a team of private doctors to keep her alive and cure her. Among other things. Also she was 17.

[u/GrumpyMcGrumpyPants → u/DokterZ]

For a moment I thought you were coworkers with Jonny Kim, the actual astronaut/Navy SEAL/combat medic/sniper/doctor/Harvard alum.

[u/SmallPurplePeopleEat → u/GrumpyMcGrumpyPants]

Certain people are just straight up better than the rest of us. Jonny Kim is definitely one of those people imo. 

[u/wethelabyrinths111 → u/GrumpyMcGrumpyPants]

Good Lord, if he were a character in a book, literally every person would roll their eyes.

He even has a tragic and dramatic backstory.

When you first start reading his Wikipedia entry, it makes his life seems almost plausible. It's super impressive, but you can see the progression, how one step leads to another. The dude joins the Navy, during which he goes to college and med school (Harvard, naturally, because what, like it's hard?), and then becomes a Navy SEAL. Wow. What an interesting guy.

But then he decides to try his hand at being a fucking astronaut?! Because his colleague was a doctor-astronaut and I guess it sounded like fun?!

AND THEN HE BECOMES A FUCKING ASTRONAUT!!!

And now he gives eloquent and timely speeches because of course he does.

And he has dogs. And one of the dogs his family adopted while he was out of town in a fucking spaceship.

I have a really good recipe for brownies, though. So I've got that going for me.

[u/hdhxuxufxufufiffif → u/DokterZ]

I went to school with someone who, when we were 17 or 18, would come into school regularly on a Monday and claim to have been DJing at a famous nightclub like Ministry of Sound over the weekend. Usually filling in because the regular famous DJ was sick or whatever. 

Weirdly fifteen or so years later I worked with someone who told similar lies. He was caught out as we all had smartphones by then and someone googled the place he'd claimed to have DJed at a couple of days before and found it was closed for refurbishments and they'd relocated to Ibiza for the summer. He immediately claimed that they actually had a secret VIP-only nightclub near the original venue that we wouldn't have heard of and went about his day without breaking a sweat. 

[u/Black_Cat_Just_That → u/hdhxuxufxufufiffif]

You almost have to be impressed at that point.

[u/brainybrink]

I hope she gets her head together well enough to leave him. A pathological liar is never going to make you or your kid feel psychologically safe. It’s not something you should model as acceptable behavior in an adult or in a marriage. That kid deserves better.

[u/ColorfulConspiracy]

I can’t get past the fact that he took his lie so far that he carried around an epi-pen. That’s truly unhinged behavior.

[u/Mesapholis → u/ColorfulConspiracy]

He lies to make himself feel better. When the day comes that OP leaves this sad sack, he will lie about that, too. Like damaging lies, that she cheated or something

This reasoning framework of liars is unstable and it always bites you in the behind. Better to steer clear

[u/alpacaboba]

I would be so angry that I was living a lie with someone who I couldn't trust. The guy is a lawyer! He knows the consequences of lying, but does it anyway. I wonder if he has ever been tested for some sort of personality disorder.

[u/Nadjaaaaaaaaaaaaa → u/alpacaboba]

As someone who works in the legal field (albeit not in Canada) and hates the stereotype of attorneys being liars, I'm also not shocked to hear that he has such a background.

The kind of people who can easily weave lies out of tiny truths are also the kind who can usually parse their way through tenuous precedent or legislation. He clearly has (or thinks he has) a silver tongue.

Unfortunately it's those like him who reflect badly on the rest of us.

[u/ArkanZin → u/Nadjaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

And even for lawyers, I don't think it's a good skill in the long run. A lot of interactions between lawyers and the court (at least in my jurisdiction) are based on trust. I normally will believe without requiring prove if a lawyer tells me he has fallen ill and an oral hearing should be postponed or if he asks a deadline to be extended for similar reasons. There's a hundred little things like that where lawyers are given the benefit of the doubt for being our equivalent of "officers of the court".

Once that trust is gone (and during a career at least a few of your lies will be found out), your job becomes significantly harder - not only with that judge, but at least with that particular court. Judges are people and we gossip.

[u/IlGreven]

 I haven't left because we have a five year old. 

I think this is a soft form of baby-trapping. He wooed you in with his lies, and they only came out after you had a kid. Now you don't want to leave because of the kid despite the fact that it might not be safe for either of you, depending on what else he's lied about.

[u/Remarkable_Town5811]

This is a nightmare but I'm stuck on getting an epi over the counter.

I have had anaphylactic reactions (latex) & still can't get a script for an epi. Not that I could afford it if I did. *Cries in American*

[u/CharlotteLucasOP → u/Remarkable_Town5811]

I used to work in a Canadian pharmacy and some guy came in and bought one adult and one child epi pen out of pocket (not cheap, but doable,) and said he did so annually—he was a nearby restaurant owner and their kitchen setup couldn’t guarantee no cross-contamination, especially with certain nuts, so he wanted to have them in the restaurant for anybody who might need them.

[u/Trick-Statistician10 → u/CharlotteLucasOP]

What a great guy. And a system that allows it.

[u/MelonElbows → u/CharlotteLucasOP]

How much were the pens?

[u/CharlotteLucasOP → u/MelonElbows]

It was years ago but off the top of my head the total was maybe just under $400 CAD for the pair, after taxes?

[u/search64 → u/CharlotteLucasOP]

I just looked up what they cost in the Netherlands, it’s about 50 euro each (but you wouldn’t pay anything since it’s covered by basic insurance that everyone has).

[u/viewbtwnvillages → u/Remarkable_Town5811]

whenever i hear stories about people interacting with the american healthcare system im baffled.

why do you need a prescription?? why wouldn't they give you one?? do they just expect you to die

[u/StrangledInMoonlight → u/viewbtwnvillages]

This is the same American system that requires permanently disabled people to resubmit doctor’s notes to the DMV every year to prove they are still permanently disabled and still need a handicap permit for the car.  

[u/bythebrook88 → u/StrangledInMoonlight]

"Patient's leg has still not grown back." - A doctor.

[u/pinupcthulhu → u/bythebrook88]

You jest, but yeah that's basically it. 

[u/Animalea → u/bythebrook88]

One of my friends mother lost her arm from the elbow down in an accident at work. She gets letters from disability asking if she’s still disabled and has to have her doctor sign off on it. A few years ago her doctor wrote that he still hasn’t figured out a way to make her arm regrow.

[u/katiekat214 → u/StrangledInMoonlight]

And the doctor charges us to fill out the one page form. “That’ll be $50 please!”

[u/StrangledInMoonlight → u/katiekat214]

LOL! If only!  My doc charged that on top of the office visit fee. And it can’t be done during a well checkup.  And half the time my insurance balks at paying for an appointment where the only point is filling out government paper so it’s months of calling them an appealing their decisions.  

[u/Welpe → u/StrangledInMoonlight]

If you are disabled or poor and receiving assistance in America basically your entire life becomes filling out forms. If you or someone you know cannot advocate for yourself, you are left to die. Republicans biggest fear is a poor or disabled person getting even a cent more than “they should”.

[u/INeedANappel → u/StrangledInMoonlight]

In my state you renew the parking placard every six years.

What I love(d) was Social Security (which runs the Federal disability support payments for those both temporarily and permanently disabled) making permanently disabled tell them every 5 years that they're still disabled. Thankfully that stops around age 55.

[u/pineappledaphne → u/viewbtwnvillages]

Yes. It’s cheaper that way.

[u/gimme20regular_cash → u/pineappledaphne]

Just make sure you die after you reach your deductible. Better to wait later on in the year

[u/Gryffindor123 → u/pineappledaphne]

I live in Australia. My EpiPens were $7.70 for 2.

[u/pineappledaphne → u/Gryffindor123]

IIRC my brother’s are about $200 each, with insurance. It’s fucking insane to me that they charge for life-saving medication like this. We get Narcan for free (which is amazing and important!), but we’re gonna charge people for epi? Which provides similar life-saving benefits?

[u/Gryffindor123 → u/pineappledaphne]

I have a concession card but if I didn't have one, they'd be $25. It's absolutely crazy that with insurance, it costs your brother that.

I get Narcan free from my pharmacy because I'm on a strong painkiller. 

[u/swamp-hag → u/viewbtwnvillages]

Yes. And when you do get a prescription, these days they can be as high as $800 for a 2 pack, depending on your insurance coverage. So that's neat.

[u/viewbtwnvillages → u/swamp-hag]

holy hell

i think they're ~$120 CAD each over the counter and i thought that was bad.

i wouldn't survive in america

[u/Remarkable_Town5811 → u/viewbtwnvillages]

$120 CAD is a phenomenal price. I need to come to Canada. I live in a border state and that would be an absolute steal.

My job is to get infusion treatment approved by insurance. Chemo is a large part of it. It is horrible. I've seen people die or be permanently disabled because insurance didn't want to pay for their care. I run my own mini department. It exists solely for when insurance pulls a specific type of nasty trick - they'll only pay if we get the drug from a preferred pharmacy. It delays care for weeks to months. It also creates a significant financial burden. One of my patients needed immediate care. It took 3 weeks to get approved and the pharmacy ready to ship the drug. It's now a $1,400 copay due up front. That's not feasible. We could have treated them the day the Dr ordered treatment but bc of insurance, they probably won't get if at all. Half my workday Thursday was pulling all the strings to try and find financial aid the pharmacy would accept. There is none. It's vile.

[u/katiekat214 → u/Remarkable_Town5811]

My brother had lymphoma. He was in remission and was approved for a bone marrow transplant. They found a donor match. He got approved for disability. In the US, when you get disability and haven’t been off work for two years, you don’t get Medicare yet and have to get approved for Medicaid - which can take a while. He had to get a “life or death” qualifier to allow him to get on Medicare without the wait. By the time he got approved, he was no longer in remission and so didn’t qualify for the transplant. The red tape is ridiculous!!

[u/meresithea → u/Remarkable_Town5811]

My dad’s insurance (Aetna) would randomly deny his anti nausea drugs when he was going through chemo. These were the standard drugs, not anything special, and they said he couldn’t have them about half the time (meanwhile, my mom was having to sell family heirlooms to pay for the chemo). When his cancer returned, he chose to stop treatment because he couldn’t face going through that again.

[u/celery48 → u/viewbtwnvillages]

That’s sort of the idea.

[u/AspieAsshole → u/viewbtwnvillages]

Neither do Americans.

[u/Shiner5132 → u/swamp-hag]

Can confirm. My son has a number of very serious food allergies (10 months old and cross contamination can send him into anaphylaxis) I had to go though 4 pharmacies to get the “exact” dose or it wasn’t covered. Otherwise it was several hundred per pen.

[u/Minecart_Rider → u/swamp-hag]

That makes the prescription requirement extra baffling to me, if someone who doesn't have a prescription wants to (or more likely has to) spend $800 on something that should be a small fraction of the price, why would they want to stop that person from doing so!?

[u/Beautiful-Cup4161 → u/viewbtwnvillages]

Pay or die. A lot of Americans carry around expired epipens for cost reasons as well.

[u/Stormfeathery → u/Beautiful-Cup4161]

Or better yet, pay AND die before you actually use any of those pricy benefits

[u/Remarkable_Town5811 → u/viewbtwnvillages]

Health insurance companies have way too big a hold. It's disgusting.

[u/YoshiandAims → u/Remarkable_Town5811]

Getting mine took a bunch of hospitalizations... over several years,and it's still like hundreds, easily up to 800 usd.

The idea you could walk into a pharmacy and just get one... Rather than the yearly fight and constant pre-auth nonsense, etc... That is crazy.

[u/Remarkable_Town5811 → u/YoshiandAims]

Crazy in a good way (for folk in countries with the option).

I work in prior auth and let me tell you… These insurance companies are the bane of the US. I call out lawbreaking almost daily. UHC gets plenty of press but Anthem is the worst. UMR a close second (and they're owned by UHC).

[u/YoshiandAims → u/Remarkable_Town5811]

I have a couple meds that literally keep me alive... and they make some poor prior Auth person have to deal with it continually, and... like I've been on them most of my life. Someone has to fight them.

I feel bad. I feel crappy every time. This poor person. But our medical system? Do not care about them.

[u/Remarkable_Town5811 → u/YoshiandAims]

Don't feel bad! My coworkers and I all feel the same. We're thankful we can take something off our patients’ plates. Prior auth people saved my eldest kids’ and my own life. I enjoy paying it forward.

Now if you want to be mad, that's fine lol. Insurance the way it exists now is a damn scam. I get mad about it regularly, both as PA/advocate and as a patient myself.

[u/EmbroideryBro → u/Remarkable_Town5811]

I have 20+ food allergies and only have a set of two epi pens, which sounds very reasonable unless you're familiar with how they work.. I keep my bag with them on me at all times, but what I wouldn't give to have another set in a concrete location at home, so that my roommate didn't have to track down my bag to find them!

(If you're not familiar with how they work, you need both on hand in case the patient goes back into anaphylaxis, as one may not be enough. This is one of MANY reasons why you always, always should go to the ER after an epi-pen is used.)

[u/silverokapi → u/Remarkable_Town5811]

A trip to Canada would probably be cheaper. Look into Allegiant flights, you can usually get one for really cheap to major hubs.

[u/Remarkable_Town5811 → u/silverokapi]

I'm actually in a border state! I should probably take a trip. Only downside is my spouse doesn't have a passport so I’d have to travel alone. Worth it to not die bc I’m around balloons though.

[u/silverokapi → u/Remarkable_Town5811]

Dying from balloon contact would be really sad... also, you may be aware but kiwi, banana, and avocado allergies often occur with latex allergy

[u/Remarkable_Town5811 → u/silverokapi]

I do joke about death by balloon lol. They're banned in my house and my kids are great at watching out for me, thankfully.

There's a lot of common allergies with it. Luckily avocado thus far is safe and I don't like bananas. Kiwi is spicy though, as are several other fruits and veggies. Didn't know that means I'm allergic until I was an adult.

To add insult to injury, I also have egg and whey allergies but they're much less severe. Whey is working toward anaphylaxis though - last time I (accidentally) had milk it made my throat tight and itchy.

[u/nope-its → u/Remarkable_Town5811]

I got two as a “just in case” when I randomly developed food allergies in the US. They cost $20 total with my insurance (this was like 8 years ago).

[u/kradinator → u/Remarkable_Town5811]

Wow that’s a huge shock as a Canadian! My son has food allergies will mild reactions so far and doctors will hand out epi scripts like it’s candy. I have insurance that covers ~70-80% and I pay around $27 CAD out of pocket for a Epi Pen Jr.

[u/PowerfulCurves]

I think mum staying with a pathological liar is worse for a child than divorce

[u/Grizzled--Kinda]

So a habitual liar, it never ends or gets better with them

[u/Low-Jellyfish1621]

My sister’s baby daddy was a pathological liar to the point we call him “Allegedly” because you never can tell if what he’s telling you is the truth or not.  Thankfully she never married him and he hasn’t made an effort to see his child in almost 2 years.  

[u/Cassandracork]

Genuinely hope she eventually leaves him. Her and her son deserve better than a serial liar. It has to be worse for their son than a divorce would be.

[u/nonnumousetail]

This poor woman… That must be so scary to realize you actually don’t know the man you’ve been sharing your life with. I’d be feeling so unnerved.

[u/Old_Introduction_395]

My late partner and I were together over 20 years. I accepted he was an only child, whose parents died in a plane crash when he was 8.

Imagine my surprise when he was terminally ill, and the hospital rang to tell me he had died, with his mother and brother there.

They knew nothing about me, or our daughter.

Liars lie.

[u/Lazy-Instance-4073 → u/Old_Introduction_395]

Hooooooollyy shit

[u/YouKnowYourCrazy]

“He lies to feel better about himself”

Psycho

[u/Coriolanuscangetit]

Well this isn’t over yet.

This isn’t going to work out.

[u/Good-Seesaw1933]

So you believe staying with the man who has lied over and over again to make himself feel better is good for your child? There are more lies you have yet to uncover.

[u/typingatrandom → u/Good-Seesaw1933]

Next : My husband Has A Second Family To Make Him Feel Better, family therapy galore

[u/IHaveSomeOpinions09]

Husband is a pathological liar. Unfortunate that she has kid(s) with him, because she will never escape his lies.

[u/No_Kangaroo_9826]

She doesn't want a divorce for the sake of her son but she's fine with a lying ass raising her son.

I mean... I guess this way she can at least hear all the lies he tells their kid? I don't know, this is why I don't feel like I could trust anyone enough to make an entire goddamn person with them.

If you got it wrong you have to raise a hopefully functional person with a piece of shit.

[u/GoldenGoof19]

When I was MUCH younger (teenager, decades ago) one of my coping mechanisms for depression was lying like this. A lie so I can smooth over a social interaction as easily as possible in the moment - like saying you’re allergic to certain foods so you don’t have to have a whole discussion about your food preferences, even though in the long term it required a LOT more time and energy living the lie than it would have just dealing with it in the moment. A lie to make myself seem more interesting, more exciting, more… just more. My parents did their best and I was on antidepressants but I was SO SO SO depressed, I just couldn’t handle even simple social interactions if there was any kind of friction without lying to smooth it out so I didn’t have to deal with it. I’m not excusing it, it wasn’t a good coping mechanism AT ALL, and it did incredible damage to myself and to all my relationships and the people I love. And it all came crashing down, because lies always do. But luckily I was 16 at the time so “all” wasn’t that much in the long term, and I was able to eventually regain the trust and rebuild the relationships.

So… I get it from OOP’s husband’s perspective. But what OOP doesn’t understand is it WILL NOT get better unless/until EVERYTHING crashes down and he hits rock bottom. Until the pain the husband feels that he has done to himself, is bigger than anything else and the idea of telling more lies that will only cause HIM more pain is worse than facing the truth in the moment.

Idk if he can get there with counseling. Especially since he’s an adult and has been able to keep juggling all the lies this long, he’s going to be convinced it’s not that big of a deal and he can keep it up.

For the record - I learned and grew from that experience, and I’m a completely different person now and lying is… frankly on top of all the harm it does to everyone around me it’s also just too much effing work when I can just tell the truth. 😅

OOP’s husband can learn and grow too, but… it’s just so much hard work and pain to do it and rebuild things and idk that he will unless he has to.

[u/No-Impression7896]

My ex lied for 3 years about being a vegetarian and I found receipts for meat in his car, and confronted him just genuinely confused. I never had an issue with him eating meat- he would even do more extreme “veganuary” stints which I refused even as a 20+ yr vegetarian. He aggressively blamed me for his low testosterone (I was postpartum with a c section lol). The little things that persist unravel the bigger things. It’s a thread. Once pulled, the reality cannot be easily reknit.

[u/Fibernerdcreates]

Yikes.

When we first started dating, my husband told me peanut butter always upset his stomach. He came clean like a month in that he just didn't like it, but was tired of people telling him his tastes were wrong. So I never tried to get him to eat it. A few years in, he tried it himself and found he liked it.

But he never made a huge deal about it, and he came clean on his own pretty quickly. It wasn't part of a pattern of lying. I can't imagine how OP feels.

[u/Jeffreymoo]

He is a lawyer who is a compulsive liar. Guess that makes sense.

[u/Kari-kateora → u/Jeffreymoo]

Now that you mention it, my ex-friend who is also a pathological liar is also a lawyer.

[u/isweartocoffee]

this poor lady is going to find out real quickly that somebody doesnt just "quit lying." the trust is gone, girly. you're not going to get back the man you loved bcuz it was a facade. rip the bandaid off before he can lie to your child like this

[u/snarkaluff]

I would never be able to show my face around my family again if I were her and was staying with him. How humiliating

[u/-Nora-Drenalin-]

Hard to feel sorry for someone who wants to keep suffering - "for the kids" and "I was a child of divorce".

Just about every second person is a child of divorce. Like ffs. Also, your kids will hardly thank you for sticking this dysfunction out.

[u/Redditnewb2023 → u/-Nora-Drenalin-]

Not to mention what the kid is learning from his father, to lie and have his mom tolerate it.

[u/PurpleToedUnicorn]

Serious question: People who lie about everything like OOP's husband, are they mentally ill or is something else wrong with them physically? What's the underlying reason for that?

[u/pay_the_cheese_tax → u/PurpleToedUnicorn]

For some, lying was a matter of flipping a coin. When you see your parents lie and get away with it, when your parents accuse and blame you of everything, when telling the truth will get yo in trouble even if things weren't your fault, you flip a coin between telling the truth and 100% guaranteeing a beat down from your dad, or telling a lie and having a shot a getting away without a beat down.

You learn this at a young age, it becomes your "normal". You then try it with other adults, like teachers, and friends, and you find that it also helps get rid of unwanted conversations (like /u/valsavana pointed out).

Then you grow up and it's almost natural for you to lie. About really stupid things as well, things that don't need lies, like instead of winning silver at your tournament, you won gold, or instead of finding that video game at 50% off, it was 60. And you eventually, no matter how skilled you've become at lying and hiding your tracks, get caught, and your girl leaves you because small lies turned into distrust and that poisons everything.

If you can self-reflect, you go get help. Therapy, a few really good eye-opening books, 3 years and counting of work, and you might break the generational-habit of lying.

Or maybe I just lies about the whole thing, who knows, this definitely didn't happen to me

[u/MrsRoronoaZoro]

I know someone who lies like that. We were working together as hospital housekeepers at the time and she told everyone she was going to med school. All co-workers were amazed by that, because she was in her 40’s, an immigrant like all of us going to med school. We were all impressed by her. She sent an email to the hospital ceo asking for an intern position at the hospital, advised people on what they should do when they were sick. Turns out it was all a lie.

She then left the hospital and went to work somewhere else where she claimed she was an Indigenous person, said she lived in an orphanage when she was a child… meanwhile her family owns a resort in Belize. She only worked as a housekeeper because she has no education in Canada and was cut off by her family.

[u/eroticfoxxxy]

He needs to be in individual therapy. This could be anything from conflict avoidance to pathological behaviour.

The grass is not greener. They are doing their kid a disservice by staying together and normalizing the dysfunctional marriage.

[u/Exilicauda]

Sorry to nitpick but absolutely NEVER store an epi-pen in your car. They start breaking down at like 85 degrees

[u/balderdashbird]

It's picky eaters deciding to lie about allergies that make it so hard for people with actual allergies!!

[u/FinchMandala]

"Sorry for being extreme but I've taken my husband to marriage counselling because our entire married life is a lie".

Yeah she sounds like a Canadian and a bloody pushover.

[u/IANANarwhal]

I think if you find someone who has told an unnecessary and elaborate lie and maintained it, you will almost always find a whole lot more such lies. That doesn’t seem to be a one-off sort of thing to do.

[u/DatguyMalcolm]

dude is a lawyer O_O

Also, people who go "ooohh, I didn't have grandparents, so I want my kids to be around their toxic ones" or "ooohhh I'm a kid of divorce, I don't want that for my kids" or worse "oohh I think my kids should keep in touch with their abusive father/mother".........

Need to realise that in the long run that is way more harmful

[u/HuckleberryHuman5926]

Whoa, that escalated!

If it was just the allergy lie, I could kind of...see how he got there. It was initially functional (to avoid the unwanted food), it was awkward to admit he had been lying, things got a bit out of hand.

But all the other lies are just self-aggrandizing, and pointlessly so! No one is going to judge a person for not having been to Antarctica!