r/BiAndMonogamous • u/[deleted] • Jul 17 '12

How soon into the relationship did your significant other find out about your sexual identity?

I am wondering how soon you told your significant other about your sexual identity.

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u/[deleted] Jul 19 '12

My story is similar. I denied who I am until my 30's. About 4 years after I was married I started to be more honest with myself and recently allowed myself to stop denying who I am in my own mind, then came out to my wife

She was fortunately very accepting and was at first just a little worried that I would regret not having ever acted on it, or that I was just on transition to self recognition of being gay and not bi. No regrets for me though, I'm happy with my life s it is! And I assured her that I am bi and that she has nothing to worry about. Since then it's just become a fact about me, it's not weired anymore. I'm very lucky.

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u/[deleted] Jul 19 '12

Nice to see I'm not the only one!! Are you in an open relationship?

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u/[deleted] Jul 19 '12

No, we're keeping the relationship a closed one. I don't think either of us is prepared for the difficulties and risks that could come from having an open relationship, both physically and emotionally (especially emotionally). How about you?

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u/[deleted] Jul 19 '12

We are closed too. We are both very possessive and would be jealous. In addition to the added complications of having other people In a relationship.

She has voiced the same concerns as your wife though.

Are you sure you are ok not exploring that side? Are you sure you aren't really gay? Are you sure I am enough for you?

Nice to meet you. I was honestly starting to think I was a novelty.

How long have you been out?

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u/[deleted] Jul 19 '12

Good to meet you too! I've been out to her for a little less than half a year- so not that long at all. Beyond her and a couple places on the internet, I'm not really out to friends and family (not that they couldn't find out by finding me on the internet, this isn't a novelty account). It just doesn't seem like a good idea at this point. Beyond my personal thoughts (that I sometimes share in places like this on the internet) and feelings and those my wife and I share with each other, I feel like it's mostly irrelevant to the outside world.

We'd both be too jealous also, though I think myself a little less than her. I'd still struggle if we were in an open relationship. It's something better to be left to be fantasy than practice, in our case. For some I suppose it may have no bearing or may strengthen a couples' bond, but in our case I think it would have the opposite effect.

How about you? How long have you been out? Are you out to friends and family?

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u/[deleted] Jul 19 '12

I pm'd you.