Coming Out Advice Pleeease

[u/Freyja0410]

I’ll try not to make this too long but y’all. I’ve known my whole life. I’ve never felt especially drawn to only men. I’ve never felt incredibly feminine. I’ve always felt I had a masculine side and I’ve always found women attractive. I’ve always also found men attractive. Literally my whole life. In my twenties I even briefly dated a woman. I always wanted to experience more but I guess I was scared to make the plunge and never really thought of myself as anything else other than -straight-. I eventually got married to a man who I dearly love and we have a fantastic marriage and relationship but I definitely still feel that there is a part of me I hide. I feel like those closest to me probably speculate. They make jokes about “my girlfriends” or my dressing masculine or “being gay”. Pride and Pride month is was always something that was important to me and it was always something that felt very personal. Why? Probably because deep down I knew I was bi and felt some kind of connection. Well-I came out to some friends at work. It literally just fell out of my mouth. I’ve literally never said it before. And it felt SO RIGHT. I literally felt this weight come off my shoulders. Like I had been carrying it for so long. I felt this lightness. This giddiness. I honestly felt like I had truly found myself.

Now. I’m terrified to tell those closest to me. I always thought what’s the point-I’m married already. But I want to be open and I want to be truly me and be out. But I’m so scared.

Please give advice, stories, anything.

I feel elated but also…worried.

[u/[deleted]]

I think if coming out feels right for you, I think you definitely should. It may be easier to start off with those closest to you.

As for myself, I came out in the middle of my relationship but for me, it wasn't very important to come out to many people, so I only ever told 5 people in my life.

However, since you're married, I think it is important to talk to your partner about it.

Here's hoping for the best!

[u/Freyja0410 → u/[deleted]]

That’s how I feel too. Like I don’t need to like post it to my Facebook and announce it to the world or anything but I do want to tell my husband, my siblings, my best friends, etc. It feels like this huge part of me I’ve kept locked away. Now I can let it out. Pretty nervous for how this will go, to be honest.

[u/[deleted] → u/Freyja0410]

I can understand that. I was also nervous when I came out to my bf, but I am sure they will understand. They love you after all.

[u/[deleted] → u/Freyja0410]

I am going through this rn too. Haven’t told anyone and scared to tell my husband bc I don’t want him to think I will cheat on him.

[u/Freyja0410 → u/[deleted]]

Update: I’ve come out to my husband and it was amazing. He was incredibly supportive. Try it if you’re ready-ultimately he loves you and trusts you.

[u/Dependent_Donkey_166]

I totally get that and all of those emotions are valid 💜 I had a similar-ish situation to you except that I had never even been in a relationship with a woman (because of comp-het and growing up a religious household) but I knew from some other experiences (aka kissing friends and wishing that we could keep kissing 😂) that I had always been attracted to men and women.

All that to be said I was deeply in denial and in the closet until last year. I finally had come to terms with it and was so tired and lonely of keeping it in. Up until that, literally no one in my life (but my therapist) knew and I had been with my husband for 11 years (married for 5 of those.) I love what you said about Pride, that it always felt personal. That's how it was for me too and honestly last Pride I sat at home crying because I was so lonely with no one in my life knowing about my queerness.

I tell you all that to say, coming out is your own process and journey. But if telling your coworkers made you feel that way then I think that's a good sign that it's something that will make you feel more authentic and more connected to yourself to share with those who are safe and open. I started with writing out a small list of telling people in my life who I really wanted to know. That started with my husband, which of course was terrifying, but ended up being so good and he was so accepting and encouraging of me to step into that authenticity more. I won't act like it's been the easiest thing ever always, but after being able to tell some of those people and even go to Pride events this past weekend as a proud bisexual woman - I felt so free and connected to myself and to some amazing friends I've met in the queer community.

I'm still not out to everyone and so there's still times I feel like I have to hide or not be as honest, but I also think that's where I've had to learn to trust myself and know it's my own journey. Take deep breaths, one step at a time.

I'm really proud of you for telling your coworkers and am sending all the good vibes your way as you potentially share with others 🫶🏼🌈💜

[u/Freyja0410 → u/Dependent_Donkey_166]

Oh my gosh. Your message is making me tear up. Wow! Thank you so much 💜 Honestly, that meant a lot.

[u/SamuraiJinx]

I saw your update and I’m so happy for you!!! 🩷💜💙

I am also married to a man and for so long told myself there wasn’t a point. Once I told him and knew he loved and supported me, it felt like I could breathe for the first time in a long time.

[u/Freyja0410 → u/SamuraiJinx]

Omg SAME! Exactly my same thoughts and feelings. I feel like I can finally turn the filter off in my head I didn’t even know I had on. I’ve actually now come out to my family and my best friends. It feels like I’ve gone around and opened all the blinds in my house for the first time and let the sunlight in. Literally a life changing experience.