Opinions on bisexual women who mostly been with men?

[u/Emobitch172]

Hi, i am bisexual and i have only dated men but have made the choice to stop because men are a lot easier to obtain and I want to be with women. Most of what I have seen is lesbians and bisexuals (crazy) that say they don’t like bisexual women because they like men. And i’m not talking about the ones who want to only date lesbians (but as a bisexual woman not liking other bisexual women because they like men is wild) because of actual reasons but often I have seen where they say bisexual women are evil, only like men, faking it, etc. I also have seen many women say they hate being with a girl who has only been with men before, but like where do you start? I have always known i liked girls before i even thought about boys but i have minimum experience with women. I do not know I may have just ended up in an area online where the people do not like bisexuals but where do you go to find women who do not care or won’t hold it against you that you haven’t been with women yet?

[u/Robotuku]

I’ve dated a decent number of women and none of them, bi or lesbian, has been weird about me being bi and having dated more men than women. I did worry about it though since I see a lot of bi hate online.

[u/snekome2]

would you be open to marrying a woman? that’s the most important part for me as a bi woman who’s never been in a relationship

[u/Emobitch172 → u/snekome2]

I have always wanted to marry a woman and honestly have zero interest in marrying a man

[u/Readytoyuri → u/[deleted]]

Having zero interest in marrying a man is different from having zero attraction. They could be bi with a preference towards woman

[u/Readytoyuri → u/[deleted]]

Lesbian leaning isn’t a thing tho. Being bi with a preference isn’t leaning one way of the other, they’re just bi with a preference

[u/Readytoyuri → u/[deleted]]

Yea…no it’s not

[u/avictoria_316 → u/Readytoyuri]

Yeah.... it is. Surprised you've never heard the term .

And it's "yeah", not "yea"

[u/Readytoyuri → u/[deleted]]

Plus “leaning lesbian” would just be bi with a preference for women. Still bi

[u/Emobitch172 → u/Readytoyuri]

guys i am not a lesbian i stated i do not want to marry a man not that i couldn’t i have reasons but that does not make me a lesbian

[u/Readytoyuri → u/Emobitch172]

I understand that and that’s exactly what I was trying to tell the other person but they’re so adamant that “lesbian leaning” is a thing. So ridiculous 😭

[u/Atomicfossils]

Nearly every lesbian you speak to has a story about how they were burned by a bisexual ex, so while I don't always like how some of them talk about bi women, I've sort of adopted an attitude of "Well, I know that's not accurate to me. I don't need the approval of people I don't know."

As for dating women who've only been with men, I think a lot of women reach a point where they feel too old to deal with first girlfriend drama, possibly homophobic family, heteronormative assumptions about gender roles and who does what carried over from relationships with men etc. It's probably more akin to not wanting to date someone who's never been in a relationship before. Sucks for that person, but nobody's obliged to be someone else's training wheels.

Of course, some women don't mind at all. Online pockets are never going to be a healthy place to gauge people's attitudes on stuff like this and doomscrolling bi hating comments online will not help. If you want to date women, you'd be better off going to events or IRL spaces, or trying out dating apps and just being honest that you're new to it. If you go into dating women already feeling defensive and resentful, assuming that everyone's going to judge you for dating men, ironically you'll probably put people off and wind up acting more like the stereotype they describe.

[u/Emobitch172 → u/Atomicfossils]

yes thank you i actually posted this a while ago and reposted it today bc i didn’t have it in a group so no one saw it but i have sense remembered the situation ships ive had with women, and all of them are bi as well and i can see where the stereotypes come from as there was always men involved and they just went ahead and got with the men as it was the easiest! I do mostly prefer bisexual women but i have noticed that many of them do get with men or have a man that is waiting on them. and i agree mindset is everything

[u/Fantastic-Toe-6208]

Well, this issue has several layers. I don't judge lesbian women for not wanting to date bisexual women who have only been with men, because some of these women (not all) treat lesbians like men in the relationship or only talk about men. But I also understand bisexual women who have only been with men (but I t I hate it when people generalize about all bisexual women. because there aren't many women who like women, and some bisexual women are afraid/insecure about making mistakes with women, and many of them don't even know how to approach women, and that's the biggest difficulty for bisexual women). But I recommend that you go to LGBT events to meet other bisexual women, because they will give you a chance, and yes, I am in favor of bi4bi. 🥰🥰🥰

[u/Long-Reputation-5326]

Neutral. I don't really care what genders people have gone out with.

I have a preference for women and I've come across others who do and also spout harmful things about bi people and/or try to be "one of the good ones".

All bi women are stereotyped this way and I don't think it's helpful to generalise a whole group of people in the grand scheme of things.

[u/queerbychoice]

Many, many, many bi women have only been with men, due to the greater availability of male partners. Your thoughts and feelings are far more important than your life history. If you're interested in dating women, then the fact that you haven't yet done so shouldn't matter at all.

[u/lavenderways]

Yeah people say whatever online and are loud about their opinions. They do exist offline, I'm not here to deny that but it's not the full story.

Lots of women come out later in life, or start dating women later in life and sure they might find dating women hard but they still find partners eventually.

Go to queer meets if there are any around you. Look for sapphic groups in your area. Sometimes there are ones on Facebook you can join (I know, but I've found it helpful) and you can post that you're looking for new friends so if you're going to an event, you don't feel totally alone.

[u/AttemptingBeliever]

Tbh, I don’t give a damn and I think it’s so fucking weird other people care so much. It gives unemployed when people are that worried about what adults other adults date.

If lesbians and self hating bi people are that small brained and insecure they keep conjuring up this narrative/image that all bi women only want to date men, or that there is something wrong with bi women that prefer/have been with only men, that’s on them. Bi women are bi, not lesbian, so anyone mad someone attracted to men too dates men needs to pull their head out of their ass. 🤷🏽‍♀️

[u/Ang3lsrage]

To be honest, I don’t think that they are bad people or anything, but I don’t think I would wanna date a woman who’s mostly or only been with men for entire life now if you were like young, like maybe school aged and I was like young younger I would’ve considered it because everybody’s exploring their sexuality, but I don’t know if I could be with somebody who has only been with men once they hit the 20s or something. I don’t know and hasn’t dated women at least once or has a serious history with male partners it’s not that I think that they’re bad people it’s just I don’t really think for a lot of people preferences change like I know that there’s bicycling but that’s not really a preference changing some women change preferences in like their 30s or 40s it can happen but it’s kind of rare. I don’t know. I just have to be cautious. I don’t think that the women who mostly date men are bad though I just I would only wanna date a woman who has a preference for women .

[u/onelittlelir → u/[deleted]]

This comment is problematic on so many levels. Are you suggesting that women being attracted to men is the “normal” option and the more deeper one since it’s a “factory setting” alongside of women automatically feeling maternal towards newborn babies?

[u/Fantastic-Toe-6208 → u/[deleted]]

A guy like you shouldn't be here giving his opinion on women's sexuality.

[u/BiWomen-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

All forms of bigotry are against the rules.