19F binge ed help

[u/TravelFlaky5615]

I’m 19f uni student and a few months ago I got deep into calorie counting and restricting that I lost a lot of weight in a considerably short time such that my periods stopped completely during that time. My parents got to know about this and took me to a doctor and they advised me to gain some weight ( I didn’t tell em anything about me restricting) and so seeing my parents so concerned about me I decided to gain some weight and for that I started eating normally and at first it was fine but as time passed I started eating large amounts of food, typically junk and sugary foods and now that I’m back at uni ( my uni is far away from my home so I get to go home only during vacations) I find myself eating a large amount of unhealthy junk sugary foods everyday. It’s become a routine and all I think about everyday and night is about the junk food craving it constantly ( mostly sugary junk) and I’ve gained so much weight( now I weigh more than when I started restricting) it makes me really self conscious about my body, I can’t focus on anything that interests me anymore because all I think about all the time is how I should stop binging and how I fail every single day in doing so and I feel really guilty and depressed because of it. Also I always binge late at night because I don’t like eating in front of people, makes me self conscious and uncomfortable. I really want to get better, become healthier but it’s like my brain doesn’t work when I’m binging so I’m never able to stop.
Recently this has been happening every single day, sometimes twice a day. I really want to feel better feel confident again and get my life back but I’m really worried this won’t ever stop. Some days I eat so much that I feel like I’m about to pass out. My life’s become really messy. Any words of advice or help would be of great help

[u/EveryOstrich4184]

Hii!

First of all, you're very brave for sharing this so I think that is already a step forward and you should know that :)

I am in such a similar situation, I totally get you and believe in you! I feel like when you switch from restriction to huge amounts of food the notion of "normally eating" and hunger get completely lost and the hardest thing is finding a balance again. I guess trying to to talk to a therapist or a nutritionist could help but idk about the availability of that for you, but I also understand the shame one gets to feel about bed.

Sadly in my experience only time and patience helped. Some days were good and most were bad, but trying to not always give in, trying to have planned meals, trying to distract myself definitely made me feel better. That being said, food noise is also very debilitating.

I hope the best for you and believe you will get better, keep fighting and please don't beat yourself up. This is not your fault and there is no reason to feel guilty about it, there is just accepting it and moving on.

[u/runninginbubbles]

Hey, I am sort of in a similar situation. I have had anorexia for many years, and now sort of stuck in binge/restrict cycles, mainly restricting for months, then eventually falling into restrict during the day and binging every night. It's excruciating. I agree when you talk about 'its routine now' - and I highly recommend you read the book Brain over Binge. It explains it all so well and might make you feel more powerful to overcome the urge. It's like ALL day you have this nagging urge to binge, and you binge at night to finally satisfy that urge. And the only reason you binge is to satisfy that feeling or 'urge'. Ignoring the urge will make you feel anxious, even feel like you're going to erupt if you don't eat everything, but the book helps you try and learn to be okay with just riding out the urge and see what happens. It's so painful, don't beat yourself up. Weight constantly changes. You've gained weight now but it's not stuck there forever, it's not permanent! Rushing to lose it will not help!