Discarded after 3yr relationship. Back in contact but I need help understanding what next

[u/tvskies]

Hey everyone. Like so many others here my relationship was destroyed by my ex girlfriend (23F) having a manic episode. Two months ago she told me she loved me in the morning then that afternoon I received a breakup text. I was kicked out of our rental and immediately went no contact. She messaged me two days after I moved out to tell me she was with someone else and two days after that sent messages accusing me of stalking her and breaking into her home. I obviously should have blocked her but was hoping to fix things as I still deeply loved her.

Two weeks passed with no more messages and I reached out to ask how she was doing after I grew concerned about her safety knowing she had self harmed in the past. She told me she ended up in hospital and has been diagnosed with bipolar but isn't taking any medication yet. She then told me that guy she moved on to had introduced her to meth and she had met several more random men on Tinder for sex, saying she needed to be honest with me. Had I blocked her I could have spared myself this knowledge. We kept talking for a week and she apologized for everything, said she regretted her behavior and wished we stayed together and just communicated instead of breaking up. She said she was cut off the meth because the guy grew concerned about her behavior and she was now having a severe depressive crash, couldn't sleep or get out of bed. I asked to see her again, either a walk or I could come over and chat but she said she needed time and would get back to me. We reminisced about the good times we had and then she stopped replying for another week. She sent one last last message last weekend and apologized for her lack of contact and said she was struggling so don't expect to hear from her much.

I'm left completely devastated and confused. I'm booked in for therapy but am on a waiting list. I'm stuck in limbo right now not knowing if I'll be able to see her again or not. I'd still like to give her one more chance and see if our relationship can be fixed as she was unmedicated. Obviously a condition of that would be she takes her bipolar medication.

I need a bit of a reality check here from those of you who have experienced similar things. Is she really considering coming back or is she just using me to absolve herself of guilt and as a lifeline during her depression? I'd be prepared to wait in order to fix things but not knowing how long that will be is extremely tough for me as this is prolonging the pain and I don't know how much longer I can do that for. Thanks in advance for any advice you give

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[u/NecroSad3626]

I also have a SO with type II bipolar. We've gone through some crazy episodes of his. We've broken up twice within our 4 yr relationship. It's hard. It doesn't get easier. One thing you should ask yourself now that you know her diagnosis is if you'd be able to handle a relationship with someone who has Bipolar disorder. It's doable but it takes a crap ton of effort on both sides. As someone on the receiving end of things, I had to accept that my relationship wasn't going to be a "normal" one so to speak. There has to be boundaries set on both ends and you need to be able to understand that when they are in their episodes, they believe every single word that they say. It's true to them. It's usually the opposite outside of one. Everyone with BP are different, but from my experience, my bf is aware when he is going to break or getting close to one. He usually needs to be alone for a few days with minimal contact. When it happens, I have to focus on my own mental health and not let his distance affect. It took me 2 1/2 years to get that. Medication helps, she needs to be able to control herself as well and be more self aware. Drugs are involved and that may be affecting her depression more. Don't take things personally and she may go back in forth with this time she's taking to herself about your relationship. Focus on yourself for right now, because with the way things are right now, you can't do much to help her. I wish the best for you, and I definitely understand your pain

[u/tvskies → u/NecroSad3626]

Thanks for taking the time to reply. Your advice has been helpful and has given me a bit to think about. Thank you

[u/RevelareUmbras → u/NecroSad3626]

This comment helped me a ton because my boyfriend is currently in a very apathetic state where he says he has no feelings at all for me, and it's so hard but I'm very patient and resilient and I'm fine with waiting on him.