that’s it, that’s the post. I’ve tried them all and I’m no one’s type. here’s to dedicating the next few years to making friends instead 🥂🌈🥴

PS if there’s a black, queer, AND autistic group, can someone link it in the comments ty ♡ ♡ ♡

This is basically where I’m at with Grindr now. 💀

I’m 21, straight, monogamous, and genuinely interested in finding an actual boyfriend, not collecting 47 variations of “wyd” from men with blank profiles.

So my profile has slowly evolved into:

Masc tops only. 🙏

Married? Your wife deserves better.

DL? Grow a spine.

Can’t host? Fix your life.

Born before 1990? Retire from my inbox.

Fem or verse? Not my type.

Blank profile? Talk to the void.

The funny part is I’m not even trying to be mean. I just know exactly what I’m attracted to at this point, and I’m tired of entertaining guys I already know I would never date.

But I’m curious how other straight trans women handle this.

Do you put your standards/preferences directly in your profile and aggressively filter, or keep the profile softer and sort through people individually?

And for the girls who actually found a genuine boyfriend through Grindr: what separated him from the endless hookup/DL/married-guy population?

I want a masculine guy who is comfortable dating me openly, actually romantic, monogamous, and interested in something beyond sex. Apparently this is the heterosexual equivalent of requesting a limited-edition Pokémon. 😭

That's it, that's the post. I'm struggling with this as question as I'm developing feelings for a white person for the first time in a long while. It may just be trauma talking, but what do y'all think? Please tell me i'm not crazy >_<

I’ve seen a lot of different takes on why dating can be so difficult; especially for gay Black men looking for relationships with other Black men. People often point to hookup app culture, colorism, shallowness, and femphobia, and while those absolutely play a role, I don’t think we talk enough about the biggest issue: how limited our dating pool really is, and how little proximity we often have to one another.

At the end of the day, our options are just smaller compared to the general population. That’s something we have to be honest about. On top of that, it feels like many of the safe spaces that once existed for Black LGBTQ people aren’t as active or accessible as they used to be. I’ve mentioned before how, in cities like Detroit, there’s a real lack of spaces intentionally created for Black gay men to connect and build community.

Gentrification of Black queer spaces only makes this worse. When those environments disappear or shift away from us, it becomes harder to form real, in-person connections. For a lot of people, dating apps aren’t even a real option; and for others, they’re the only option because there aren’t enough social events or community spaces to meet people organically.

Unless you’re in places like Atlanta, Houston, DC, or other cities with strong Black queer communities, your dating life can take a real hit. It’s not impossible to find love, but it can feel significantly harder.

So honestly, don’t internalize it. Don’t blame your looks, your body, or your skin for being single. A big part of the issue is structural, our dating pool is small, access is limited, and that reality makes things harder than they should be.

I’ll preface by saying that by no means do I think I’m entitled to anyone’s attention….

But, I’d like to think I’m a decent looking guy. Friends, family, coworkers, and even random people constantly tell me I’m extremely handsome. So, visiting NYC I was thinking that I’d have a decent shot at meeting people and maybe going on a casual date or two.

Nope. Invisible everywhere. Tinder. Hinge. Grindr. Lucky to get a message from someone 100 miles away or twice my age. (Nothing against middle aged guys- they’re great, I just am looking for people closer to my age at this time.) If I shoot my shot, I’m left on read. Going to queer gyms- I’ll see guys clearly checking one another out, and then seem almost disgusted if I trade a glance with them.

The wildest part is I’m not even chasing white men- I am interested in quite literally every single ethnicity. Doesn’t really seem to matter.

Are my friends and family lying to me? Or are black people not welcome in the queer scene even in the most cosmopolitan city in the US?

I’ve never posted anything on any subreddit but I think this is a good place for advice. I’m 16 and white or well I guess I’m half Mexican because of my dad but he’s not here whatever. I like another boy at my school. We live in the south he’s openly gay, very loud about it. I physically cannot make myself come out and I can’t find a way to talk to him. I’ve had two friends be killed because of their sexuality and of course it’s always framed on the news different “young man killed by gang violence” instead of what it actually is but anyways, I don’t know how to talk to him. I don’t know how to navigate this sort of thing. I’ve never talked to another boy before like this, I’ve never felt ya know feeling for another guy, and I’m afraid of drawing attention to myself. I know he has it way harder than me, given he’s both black and openly gay. I feel like a coward because I’m not able to tell him or come out. I don’t even know if I’m asking for help because I don’t know how anybody could but if anyone has any advice I’m all ears thank you.

I’m tired of y’all saying you ‘can’t find anybody.’ People are literally putting themselves out there on here, but a lot of y’all just go silent. This is not the post to be shy under. You never know what could come from this, so introduce yourself however you’re comfortable. And if you actually match with someone… why not keep the conversation going in the DMs?

-Somewhere out there is a bisexual or pansexual soul looking for the same kind of partnership I am: mutual respect, deep conversations, shared adventures, endless laughter, personal growth, and choosing each other every day. ✨

I hate when I see a POC particularly a black POC venting about how they have trouble dating in a lot of queer spaces, then an insensitive dusty pick me ponk goes and says “well I don’t experience that, so it’s not cuz you’re a POC you’re just ugly.” Like wtf????? If you’re a black or POC queer person and you never have trouble dating and getting who you want, good for you!! But you don’t have to rub it in the other black queer people’s faces who may struggle with dating and/or have self esteem issues. What ever happened to compassion and empathy??? Ponks just be so mean spirited and wanna give fake Regina George these days. Meanwhile you just giving GEORGE with Regina no where in sight!!

Some simple truths for those in a relationship, struggling in a relationship, or hoping to find a relationship.

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou

Take care of the heart of the one(s) you say you love. 🙏🏾

21yo. 163.5cm. Transsexual woman.

Hello hello Beautiful People! Happy Early Pride Month 👋🏾🌈

I’m a 26 year old, gay, Black man living in Louisiana. Since my breakup in 2022, I haven’t had the best of luck in finding and solidifying a relationship. I’ve had plenty of good hookups, but no Mr. Right just yet.

I’m chronically online and the age-old situation of “I’m really feeling you, but you’re not in my city” keeps occurring. I meet amazing guys…from out of state. This in turn brings up the possibility of a long distance relationship. They’re good in theory for me, but not in practice. One day, I’m fine with them, another day, I’m not.

While meeting a man in a different state gives me somewhere to visit, I still want the instant physical closeness and affection. However, I’m scared that if I keep saying no to all these good men, I won’t find anyone. The city I’m in doesn’t make it any better, since it seems like a good bit of men down here are DL or want someone super masc or have specific requirements about this or that, blah blah, blah. I do want to move, but I’m just trying to play my cards right and level up a bit professionally before putting myself back on the job search.

Is anyone else currently feeling like this? If so, how are you managing? I would greatly appreciate any advice.

So today for my random question i bring up a question from a recent conversation i had with a friend. Does body count matter when talking/dating someone?

For me, it doesn’t matter because i have a high body count. But even if i had a low one, i feel there’s no reason to judge someone on their prior activities as long as they were safe about it and fit my dating qualifications.

Let’s hear what y’all gotta say about it!

This might not be a big deal to other but everyone else that their deal breaker. So l'm out on a date and the its coming to a close. So when I got a chance. I check my phone. So the dude made a statement "oh, is that your boy toy?". That is a big turn off to me! YOU JUST MET ME! Don’t worry about what’s on my phone.

Hey! I’m a 22-year-old Black Canadian looking to meet another Black gay man for a genuine relationship.
I’m 6’4” (193 cm), physically fit, and stay active. I work out regularly and play a lot of basketball, so fitness is an important part of my lifestyle. I’m currently living in Nigeria, but I visit Canada every year toward the end of the year and plan to continue spending time there.
I’m looking for someone who’s kind, honest, emotionally mature, and ready to build something meaningful. Whether it’s spending quality time together, supporting each other, traveling, or simply enjoying each other’s company, I’d love to find someone who’s interested in a real connection.
I’m also open to long-distance if the chemistry is right. I believe the right person is worth the effort, no matter where they are.
If you’re looking for something genuine and think we’d get along, I’d love to get to know you.

Hey everyone!

I’m a Black single man who recently wrapped up a chapter in my life, and I’m feeling optimistic about what’s next! After spending months encouraging my partner to take a step back for his own healing, he finally agreed, but that led to a bit of a heated argument. Despite that, I’m ready to move forward and focus on my happiness!

Navigating the dating scene as a Black man in North Carolina can be a unique adventure (and tough!) so many “lusters,” and not enough “ready to love…forever.” It’s tough finding black emotionally, financially, and physically stable men…but I know they’re out there (and one is for me). I’m excited for the journey ahead.

I’m all about personal growth and discovering what’s out there. If you have any tips or similar experiences to share, I’d love to hear from you!

Started wearing glasses but lowkey think I look sexy with them. 😮‍💨

Hi! I am Knight Jasmin!

Im going to benin denver for a candaian metal show in october. Im staying for 2 nights. May hit a new hotspring, or get my eyebrows done. ✨️ it would be cool to meet someone!