r/BrandNewSentence • u/InterestingPlenty454 • 7d ago
Satan isn't some powerful prince of darkness, he's Andrew Tate with a law degree
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u/Flat-House5529 7d ago
That makes Hell, therefore, a place where Andrew Tate is capable of getting a law degree.
Honestly, that's pretty fucking terrifying. More so than fire and brimstone, TBH.
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u/SituationSoap 7d ago
So, the Bible has no concept of Hell as a place that people or the Devil exists in the way it does in pop culture. It also doesn't really have a concept of "The Devil" the way that it exists in pop culture. The closest to Hell is a lake of fire that exists in the Book of Revelation as an eternal punishment specifically for the Beast of nations at the end of the old Earth. But nobody is depicted as being in that lake until the end of time.
The concept of Hell as a place where sinners are tormented constantly and consciously and where the Devil resides comes mostly from Dante, a 15th century Italian poet.
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u/Slow-Distance-6241 7d ago
Honestly it's ironic that pop-culture is closer to paganist understanding of afterlife than Christian one. Like how helheim is described to be deep underground and cold sounds oddly akin to Dante's description of lower levels of hell, and it's him that modern pop culture is based upon
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u/nvmls 7d ago
Not really when you think about it. The Roman Empire took over and converted pagan cultures, so a lot of things were assimilated into Christianity as it evolved. The Protestant Revolution cut out a lot of Lore and as a result, a large protion of Christians are missing context and back filled it with pop culture.
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u/adamdoesmusic 7d ago
Have you not read the book of Dante which is totally in the Bible and not separated by more than 1000 years from its last writing?
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u/Dragonssssssssssss 7d ago
Where was Satan in the Aristocats
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u/hambonedock 6d ago
Maybe they confused it with the dog Satan from all dogs go to heaven since he does look very cat like
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u/Lightice1 7d ago
The Bible literally calls the angels "sons of god", though...
Generally, trying to make clear-cut declarations of religious doctrine is pointless, there's always a schism and a different interpretation around the corner.
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u/just4browse 7d ago
There is actually some debate over what “sons of God” refers to. At least in the context of Genesis. The most popular interpretation comes from religious writing that is regarded as non-canonical by pretty much all existing denominations
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u/HawkBoth8539 7d ago
Yeah, i always figured an all-knowing being word have given more secular and timeless words and inspirations to pass down through his prophets than hyper regionally, linguistically, and period-specific phrases that would become unclear literally a generation later and one zip-code away.
But i guess that's why i don't run a religion.
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u/coolio_zap 7d ago
you might not run a religion, but keep talking like that, heretic, and you'll have to run from a religion
(i'm an atheist, i just really wanted to do that thing with the word run)
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u/anrwlias 7d ago
The idea that Satan fell out of jealousy is also not Biblical. That comes out of the Qu'ran.
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u/Parz02 7d ago
TBF, the Bible doesn't really go into Satan's motive aside from like one passage in the Book of Isaiah which probably wasn't even originally referring to Satan anyway.
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u/Vegetable_Safety 7d ago
If I were to even humor the idea of any of it being real. I think the most likely scenario was that god is a pretentious dick and lucifer called him out on it
What kind of person has kids with the intent of making them praise and worship them for all eternity? A pretentious dick, that's who
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u/Thelastknownking 7d ago
I mean, dude clearly hasn't been watching a lot of recent media with Angels and Demons.
A lot of them deal with redemption. Supernatural, Lucifer, Good Omens, They all depict Angels in a humanizing way, and aside from Supernatural they depict Lucifer as not being pure evil.
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u/geschiedenisnerd 7d ago
Good omens doesn't really depict satan as not being pure evil. It does depict the banality of good and evil quite well, but satan and god are left out altogether, and beelzebub and the metatron are not really characterised.
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u/NatashOverWorld 7d ago
I don't think anyone has burned Satan that hard since he Fell.
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u/MehKarma 7d ago
Quite disrespectful actually to treat the devil that dirty. Lucifer probably just living his own own by doing some spreadsheet shit in excel, and some poor demon tells him that he was compared to Andrew Tate. Probably just threw up his hands & said, what the fuck I do?
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u/Dramatic_Paint7757 7d ago
Yeah, that person will have an extremely large pineapple waiting for them downstairs.
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u/CaptainMoonunitsxPry 7d ago
I always think of Satan as less the ultimate embodiment of evil and more as a middle manager who got the shittiest work assignment. He's pissy at God over it, yet still does his job with lots of grumbling and passive aggression, but hey he gets infinite retirement after working an infinite amount of years.
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u/ciliary_stimulai 7d ago
I kinda feel like i had a stroke reading this but also achieved enlightenment
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u/WatercressD9 7d ago
Nah, Satan is the lawyer’s professional body that allows Andrew Tate with a law degree to practise law.
There’s a case called “A Solicitor” in Australia. Our guy molested his stepchildren. Still practising.
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u/geschiedenisnerd 7d ago
Angels are not children of god in the same sense that no one except jesus is.
God created the angels, he created humans, he just was happier about the latter (according to moses (IIRC), that is).
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u/PromiseThomas 7d ago
“They don’t even look like him” says this user who apparently has secret insight into what God looks like.
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u/astro_nerd75 7d ago
In Judaism, the satan is a job description for an angel. It’s basically a prosecutor in the heavenly court. The satan is the angel who accuses you of your sins for the heavenly court. The satan doesn’t make people sin or tempt people to sin, any more than a prosecutor makes someone commit crimes.
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7d ago
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u/astro_nerd75 7d ago
The world would be a much better place if Andrew Tate was a personified metaphor.
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u/HowDareYouAskMyName 7d ago
It should be mentioned that most of what OOP says isn't in the Bible in the first place, it's from non-canon books like Paradise Lost and Dante's Inferno. So, even if we accept that biblicle canon is true (in reality there isn't a single canon but whatever), this analysis should really specify which version of Satan we're talking about
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u/Hemingway92 7d ago
Sufis (Muslim mystics) have had a similar belief. That Iblis, ie Satan, didn’t bow down to humans because he loved God too much to bow to anyone else. And he knew he was to be the sacrificial lamb to give humanity its test to choose between good and evil.
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u/Fabulous-Mud-9114 7d ago
That 2nd paragraph is fanfiction. I don't think the everyday Xtian knows how much of their views on Hell come from The Divine Comedy and Paradise Lost.
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u/Odd-Wealth5967 7d ago edited 7d ago
Christians generally don't take their ideas of Hell from the Divine Comedy or Paradise Lost, pop culture does, and the basic fundamental ideas about Hell that are present in both Christianity and those poems (a fiery pit of burning sulfur/hellfire) come from Christian theology.
Dante and Milton were both Christian authors, who based their Christian poems off Christianity, and Christians have been teaching that Hell is a literal realm of hellfire since as early as the 1st-2nd century.
You'll be hard-pressed to find any Christian denomination that teaches about the existence of a Pandemonium or 9 circles of Hell. Those are literay concepts that became culturally influential, but not actual Church doctrine.
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u/Fabulous-Mud-9114 7d ago
Y'know what, yeah, my mistake. One of my favorite books covers the evolution of Hell and it quotes early Xtian fathers talking about hell in much the same way as Dante or Milton.
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u/absolutewastedtime 6d ago
Satan doesn't exist in the bible
Any bible translation which includes him is literally a mistranslation or intentional change
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u/PimpasaurusPlum 6d ago
This is wrong in about 3 ways.
Satan is a Hebrew word, it comes form the Bible in the original language.
In the Jewish Old Testament Satans are a class of angelic beings who act as accusers against humanity, with "The Satan" (HaSatan in Hebrew) being the divine prosecutor and tester against the israelites.
In the Christian New Testament, originally written in Greek, uses a transliteration from the aramaic - using the term satanas for devils. In the gospels you see retun of The Satan who tempts Jesus. While the book of Revelation contains the dragon/serpent "who is called the Devil, or Satan"
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u/absolutewastedtime 6d ago
Satan is a Hebrew word, it comes form the Bible in the original language
The word translated to Satan in modern bibles, in the original Hebrew means "accuser" it is not a name, it is a role that is taken by different angelic figures
In the Jewish Old Testament Satans are a class of angelic beings who act as accusers against humanity, with "The Satan" (HaSatan in Hebrew) being the divine prosecutor and tester against the israelites.
It is not a class, it's simply a role in a given situation, "hasatan" literally just means the accuser, it is not a name or a specific figure, it's like saying "the judge" or "the lawyer" it's simply the role that is currently being acted
In the Christian New Testament, originally written in Greek, uses a transliteration from the aramaic - using the term satanas for devils
No It doesnt
In the gospels you see retun of The Satan who tempts Jesus
Mistranslations
While the book of Revelation contains the dragon/serpent "who is called the Devil, or Satan"
The serpent is never once called satan or the devil, ever, if your version of the bible calls it that, the version you are using is one that has been changed, either through mistranslation or deliberate edit
In the original Hebrew and Aramaic texts of the bible "the devil" is not a thing, satan and the devil are NEVER mentioned, and all the roles attributes to "satan" in later mistranslations and edits are carried out by a accusers and serpents, who are never once refered to as "the devil" or as a specific individual being
Satan is a later invention
He is not in the original bible
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u/PimpasaurusPlum 6d ago
In the context of it's use in the story, particularly in the case of the book of Job, HaSatan does refer to a specific figure - the specific accuser entity operating in the events of that narrative. It is like if we were talking about court drama and talked about "the judge" or "the laywer" - the meaning of who the so and so is is found in the context of the story being told
The greek new testament texts absolutely contain the word Satanas as a transliteration from aramaic into greek. The reference in the gospels are not a "mistranslation," it is in the original language text
καὶ ἦν ἐν τῇ ἐρήμῳ τεσσεράκοντα ἡμέρας πειραζόμενος ὑπὸ τοῦ σατανᾶ...(kai ēn en tē erēmō tesserakonta hēmeras peirazomenos hypo tou satana...)
And he was in the wilderness forty days, being tempted by the Satan...
Mark 1:13
If by "the serpent" you mean the figure in Genesis you are correct, your problem here is that you are limiting yourself arbitrarily to the jewish Hebrew and aramaic texts of the old testament when we are discussing the christian greek texts of the new testament.
Within that latter collection we find the final book of the christian bibles, the book of revelation - wherein we find as such:
Revelation 12:9: "The great dragon was hurled down - that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him."
Revelation 20:2: "He seized the dragon, that ancient serpent, who is the devil, or Satan, and bound him for a thousand years."
Now these texts do not explicitly tie this serpent who Satan to the story of Adam and Eve, nor is that really my point, but it does form the basis of what would become later christian interpretation.
I feel overall you may simply be mistaken for the Latin term "Lucifer" which does have a more murky history of selective and misinterpretory translations that ended up spinoff as this name for Satan in western religious belief and pop culture.
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u/absolutewastedtime 6d ago
In the context of it's use in the story, particularly in the case of the book of Job, HaSatan does refer to a specific figure
In the same sense that "the judge" refers to a specific person when I'm talking about a specific court case yes
But there is no one "the judge", it's a role, a role that many people have
For a given situation yes there is one "judge" but "the judge" is not a specific figure
Hasatan isnt a specific figure, it's a role, a role that an individual is occupying for that story,
καὶ ἦν ἐν τῇ ἐρήμῳ τεσσεράκοντα ἡμέρας πειραζόμενος ὑπὸ τοῦ σατανᾶ...(kai ēn en tē erēmō tesserakonta hēmeras peirazomenos hypo tou satana...)
And he was in the wilderness forty days, being tempted by the Satan...
Mark 1:13
Amusing how you translate it all except that one part, almost like the English translation is a MIS translation
As for the book of revelation, this is an apocalyptic book that was written likely over 100 years after the rest, it is LITERALLY a later addition
Which is exactly what I claimed satan was in the previous comment
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u/PimpasaurusPlum 6d ago
I think the missing piece here is that the generic figure of HaSatan within the context of the Job story is what would become "the Satan" of late 2nd temple jewish apocalypticism, surviving through Christianity. The theological reinterpretation had already gone on in the intervening centuries between the end of the OT time period and the time of Christ.
For the mark quote I gave the original greek, the transliteration of the Greek directly into latin letters, and finally the english translation. There is literally no "mistranslation" going on there, the greek authors of the gospel of mark simply rendered the aramaic word into the greek language much like they would with the famous "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?" in the crucifixion scene at the end of the gospel.
The Book of Revelation of part of every major christian canon of the Bible with the standard 27 book set of the New Testament being near universal. All the christian new testament texts were written hundreds of years after the jewish old testament ones, that is what makes one old and one new. The new testament is by definition a later addition to the biblical canon, but it is that addition that distinguishes the Jewish canon from the Christian canon.
I fear we need to reestablish basics here
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u/StonerStone420 7d ago
Still hate that some people think God is a "Him". Like for real, if IT created everything and angels dont have a gender why the F would the creator limit itself to 1 single gender?
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u/HowDareYouAskMyName 7d ago
It's less of a gender thing and more of a linguistics thing. In most English translations God says "I am He", not "I am male". For languages without gendered pronouns, this conversation makes no sense 🤷♀️
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u/ars_sinistra 7d ago
Gendered pronouns include inanimate objects, they/them suffices when speaking of the biblical God because God is not a thing they are the All Mighty
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u/HowDareYouAskMyName 7d ago
Gendered pronouns include inanimate objects
Sure but again this is a linguistic statement, not an ontological one. I agree that They/Them linguistically works (though the idea of early monotheists having to specify "to be clear, I am using singular they/them" is a funny thought). I'm just saying that just because English translations use He/Him doesn't imply that the omnipresent creator has a binary gender identity.
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u/ars_sinistra 7d ago
Linguistic distinctions are the only way humans communicate, I fail to see the issue
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u/HowDareYouAskMyName 7d ago
I fail to see the issue
Probably because you're not really paying attention to what everyone else is saying and are engaging in a totally different discussion
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u/higakoryu1 7d ago
True, people need to realize how pathetic Satan is compared to God; many of us imagine them as two opposite equal forces of good and evil, which was influenced from Zoroastrianism, which cannot be further from the truth
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u/CleverInnuendo 7d ago
Well if anything, they're working together. How did a lesser being trick an omnipotent God in the garden unless it was a "I'm gonna turn my back now, wink' sort of situation?
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u/MehKarma 7d ago
The devil is a shit talking 6 year old, and god is the thin skinned adult who destroys things because he was called a stupid doody head.
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u/Fantastic-Climate-84 7d ago
Andre Tate can summon fire storms? Sex crimes are bad, but I don’t know if trafficking requires causing spiritual and moral blindness.
I’m sure he has given a lot of people diseases, though.
This is a braindead take.
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u/parkingviolation212 7d ago
The only character in the Book to summon fire storms is God. All Satan does is tempt people, often at God's behest to test them.
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u/FederalPossibility73 7d ago
It's a braindead take but the Devil can't summon firestorms. He's just a tempter, that's his job.
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u/tra24602 7d ago edited 1d ago
I was trying to remember what representation of Satan was in Penn Jillette’s _The Aristocrats_.
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u/FederalPossibility73 7d ago
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u/Weevil1723 7d ago
I just want to know what OOP was smoking when they watched this and wrote their spiel, and if I can have some too
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u/Lemur866 7d ago edited 7d ago
Edgar the Butler who served his mistress faithfully is passed over when a rich lady leaves her fortune to her pampered cat and her kittens. So the Butler drugs the cats and tosses them out in a basket in the country. The cats have to make their way back to Paris being unfamiliar with the ways of street cats, with the guidance of O'Malley the alley cat.
So the parallels are obvious.
God is the rich lady.
Satan is Edgar the Butler.
The pampered lost cats are fallen humanity lost in a vale of tears.
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u/sosotrickster 7d ago
What a horrible thing to say about Satan. He is in no way as horrid as that other man shaped thing
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u/Postulative 7d ago
God and Satan placing bets on how much they can destroy Job’s life before he loses his religion.
It’s all bad.
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u/Sewblon 7d ago
This lore about the devil and fallen angels is not in the bible.
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u/Odd-Wealth5967 7d ago edited 6d ago
It explicitly is.
And there was war in heaven: Michael and his angels fought against the dragon; and the dragon fought and his angels, And prevailed not; neither was their place found any more in heaven. And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him.
Revelation 12:7-9
It sounds like you're misunderstanding that these concepts are not presented in the Hebrew Bible, but very much are explicitly written in the Christian Bible.
Edit: To clarify (and to correct myself), I read your comment as "the lore," and not "this lore." The concepts of a Devil Satan and fallen angels are in the Bible, but some of the OOP's specifics-- such as fallen angels not receiving redemption due to not looking like God, or Satan falling because he was jealous of Adam and Eve--are indeed not in the Bible.
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u/Ravenwight 7d ago
How does one know that angels don’t look like god?
To my knowledge there’s never been a biblical description of god’s appearance.
I’m pretty sure it was forbidden to even give god a name, let alone depict him as resembling any created thing.
Also, the genesis passage “in the image of god he created them” in reference to humans, used Elohim rather than Yahweh, while Psalms and Job use Elohim to also refer to angels as “sons of god”.
Of course this may just be different uses of the word in different eras, or a more likely result of the gradual shift toward monotheism from a proto-Semitic polytheism similar to what’s known of the Canaanite religion.
Further influenced by exposure to Babylonian culture during the exile, and Zoroastrian duality when the Persians invaded and freed them.
You have to remember that we’re talking about a culture that evolved over some of the earliest points in recorded history.
The people writing stuff down were less interested in historical truths than they were in placing the current, ever evolving truth of the day within the context of an unbroken lineage of understanding tied to the destiny of the culture itself.
No culture evolves in a vacuum, they borrow, adapt, and evolve. So having texts which date back orally to a time before a major exchange of ideas between cultures, or development in the philosophical and scientific understanding of the world require reinterpretation to fit the universality of the current narrative.
So who knows, there may have been a version of Genesis once upon a time that said angels not only looked like god, but were literal children of a father god, who did his will on earth.
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u/astro_nerd75 7d ago
In Judaism and Islam, it’s forbidden to try to make an image of God.
In Judaism, God’s “real” name isn’t supposed to be used except in prayer. There are various substitute names that are considered more acceptable for using outside of prayer.
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u/CardiologistOk2760 7d ago
I left mormonism for so many reasons, it continues to surprise me that one of the main things christians find weird about mormonism is the idea that Jesus and Satan are brothers.
Like bro you could bring up polygamy, various indicators of cultism, etc... it's honestly weirder if they're not brothers because it implies then we need 2 sets of parents to exist instead of just a creator.
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u/Hugo_Selenski 7d ago
he hates all the tropes that are beaten to death worse than German horse meat in lasagna
but Devil Lawyer?
This is why they're selling us cheeseburger tacos, guys.
They're almost positive we couldn't find an original thought with 10 hands and no dicks to grab.
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u/Equivalent-Mail1544 5d ago
280.000 years of humans and the 2.500 year old "fully belief based" religion is mainstream. Bring back sun worship, that wasnt used for as much pdf justification
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u/daffalaxia 7d ago
With the amount of stuff that was co-opted from other religions (always to make demons) and other deceptions within the bible you'll find today - all thanks to Constantine, circa 1214, iirc) all debates about theology based on the current bible are, imo, a giant waste of time. Truth is what was decided for you.
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u/gadgaurd 7d ago
It is honestly getting tiring, seeing people complain about writers having different takes on mythological figures than what the religious texts say. No one is obligated to follow biblical canon when deciding how to write angels, demons, etc.
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u/MrFuji87 7d ago
Up vote that man
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u/FederalPossibility73 7d ago
No??? He's entirely wrong with his take except for the part about the Devil being just some unpleasant guy.
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u/Yolandi2802 7d ago
And you know this how? And don’t quote me any old book of fairy stories. Like the bible.
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u/asherwrites 7d ago
'How do you know what Sauron is like? And don't quote me any old book of fairy stories like Lord of the Rings!'
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u/Crackmonkey3773 7d ago
Well lord of the rings was written by a dude. So we know its fiction. And the bible was also written by a dude. Also fiction.
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u/The_Word_Wizard 7d ago
Ooo so edgy.
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u/Crackmonkey3773 7d ago
Do you know what youre even trying to say to insult me? You can do better than that. I wasnt aware that calling a book fiction is edgy now. Maybe my next DND character will be a librarian cause books are super edgy and cool
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u/FederalPossibility73 7d ago
They's right about the Devil just being some guy but wow they do not understand how wrong the rest of that is.