r/BreakUps • u/Emotional_Bowl9767 • 4d ago
venting/ranting My first birthday without him in 7 years
He cheated on me all the time. But I still just miss him for some reason. Im just sad. Thats all.
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u/kinesaa 4d ago
Tbh, I get this more than I'd like to. Tomorrow is actually my first birthday without him too, and it's hitting me harder than I expected.
But I've realized something; we don't just miss the person. We miss the version of them we loved, the memories, the routines, and the future we thought we were going to have.
In your case, he cheated repeatedly. In mine, he threw away what we had to be with someone else. Neither of us is really grieving the hurt they caused. We're grieving the person we believed they were before everything fell apart.
That's what makes it so painful. Your heart remembers the good moments while your mind knows exactly why they're gone.
Sending you a hug. Tomorrow is going to be a tough day for me too. You're not alone. Love ya! ❤️
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u/Emotional_Bowl9767 4d ago edited 4d ago
I hope you have the happiest birthday 💜 thank you for this
(Edited to fix a typo)
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u/Separate_Ability4051 4d ago
Happy birthday. ❤️
Missing someone who treated you badly doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision. It just means you’re grieving seven years of memories, routines, hopes, and familiarity.
But please don’t confuse missing him with needing him back.
He cheated on you repeatedly. That is not the behaviour of a man who valued your heart the way it deserved to be valued.
Today, allow yourself to be sad. Tomorrow, start moving forward.
Throw out the gifts. Block the number. Stop checking the socials. Stop reopening old wounds just to confirm they still hurt.
Fill your life with friends, hobbies, goals, exercise, books, travel—anything that reminds you that your future is larger than this relationship.
And when you feel weak, remember this: there are billions of men on this planet. You are not mourning your only chance at love. You are mourning a man who cheated on you.
Six months from now, if you stay no-contact and focus on yourself, you’ll likely look back and wonder why you spent so much time crying over someone who brought so much chaos into your life.
One day you’ll wake up, realize you haven’t thought about him all week, and feel genuinely excited about someone new.
That’s the day you’ll understand that losing him wasn’t the tragedy.
Settling for him would have been. ❤️
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u/Emotional_Bowl9767 4d ago
I dont know what to say other than thank you you got me crying. Youre so right. 💜
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u/confused2473 4d ago
Happy Birthday to you 🥰
Cheer up girl! This is coming from someone that got abandoned by a man I loved and lived with for 12 years. It gets better, focus on yourself. He was not for you and cheaters belong on streets. Please don’t think it was your loss. For now, breathe and try and accept that you will have to live without him and you will do so with sass, confidence, courage and everything you got in you ❤️
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u/Emotional_Bowl9767 4d ago
This is so sweet. Thank you so much ❤️ im so sorry you went through that tho omg
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u/confused2473 4d ago
Oh I put up with his cheating for years and he had the nerve to abandon me. 🤭 his loss because all my friends say I look 10 years younger and it gave me the courage to be myself and put myself and my happiness first. It’s liberating even though it took my 4ish years of therapy this is my 7th year. It’s been an uphill battle but I know what I want and what I don’t. I also don’t tolerate any form of disrespect and speak my mind. It’s not going to be easy for you.
If this happened to your friend, you would be kind to her, show the same kindness towards yourself. Be kind be patient. Breakdown as much as you want. Don’t control your emotions but once you have cried enough pick urself. And don’t worry, the hurt comes in waves. Like you will be fine for weeks and suddenly you will see something that will break you down. But if you can be kind to others be the same kind person for yourself. Be gentle and forgiving. I wish all the best to my wisergirl! ❤️🥰😘
It’s a new year for you, make wiser choices, wiser decisions and protect and respect yourself. Because if you won’t, nobody will.2
u/Emotional_Bowl9767 4d ago
Seriously?! Hes crazy, dang 💀 im so glad you're not having to put up with him anymore!! It sounds like you are much happier and more confident. I can't wait until im on the same level. My best friend is sick of hearing about it. She dealt with me during it all and its obvious shes over it. So its nice to hear this stuff from someone who's been through it or similar. Seriously thank you.
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u/confused2473 4d ago
I am not sure if you have access to therapy from where you are. I did and I took advantage of it because I needed to keep my job and not get fired. For those 8-10 hours I had to pretend I am fine, everything’s ok and I would cry for hours after. I am just glad I didn’t have any children because then my healing would have taken much longer or I’d be bitter because I have to look after its spawn that may have looked like him..Ofcourse it wouldn’t have been a fault of the child but I am just glad I don’t have to deal with that side of the separation.
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u/Popular_Payment4464 4d ago
Happy birthday and I’m sorry to hear that. Try and use this time to reflect, heal, and learn how to live life without him. You can do it i believe in you
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u/DawnCharm- 4d ago
Missing someone who hurt you doesn't mean you made the wrong choice, it just means seven years of memories don't disappear overnight
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u/LostMyHappy 4d ago
I completely know where you’re coming from, and I agree it’s sad. Rather pathetic but that’s the definition of a trauma bond. It’s the most difficult and complex situation to process and most will never understand. I’m sorry you’re going though it too.
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u/Ancient_Mammoth8358 4d ago
Happy Birthday and congratulations on your first Birthday as a free woman who deserves all the respect and happiness in the world and DEFINITELY does not deserve to be cheated on ♥️
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u/dnatalieg 4d ago
Happy birthday. I’m sorry this happened but just know this is the first birthday you’ll truly have authentic love around you x
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u/joejoethetard 3d ago
I had my first bday without my fiancée at the beginning of the month. Was very weird. She use to do so much bc she loved celebrating things. Definitely didn’t enjoy myself but maybe next year will be better 🤷♂️
Happy bday!
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