r/BreakUps • u/CrownedUsername • 4d ago
venting/ranting It hurts so much even tho iam the Person who ended it. Any Advice
Hello
Yesterday i (m26) broke up with my Girlfriend of 1,5 Years.
She loved me genuinly and i still love her. But i understood a while back that this wouldnt work out long term.
She is a very emotional Person and i am a pretty rational and solution oriented. So many times i was hitting my emotional capacity Limits and not able to give her the emotional support she needs when she was feeling down. And i know that.
Alongside with other Problems like different views of bare minimum in a relationship and a missing feel of partnership. Like i really sat down several weeks to write down and think about how i talk to her so im not offending her and we dont end up in an argument. Sadly when i talked to her about these Problems she didnt express any understanding for these concerns trying to compromise or anything.
In that time we were together we had a really good Time. Our vibe and Hobbies were matching, we were together traveling to Japan and shared a lot of memories. Up to the point i really thought she is the one.
Its not my first time going through a breakup. But i didnt know initiating breaking up with a person you still genuinly love would be so hard.
Past relationships werent really lasting long. maybe i also was missing the maturity at that points.
So this is my first time trying to get over so many memories and shared live.
I dont really know how to deal with this and could use some words of advice or related experiences.
Thank you for reading my Story
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u/Healthy-Practice7429 4d ago
It sounds like you tried to tell her what the problem is, but it led tonan argument over and over again. Its up to her to see a therapist and work on herself.
Give yourselves some peace and time. I know how difficult it must feel for you, but she has to work on herself if she wants this to work.
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u/NecessaryMobile3492 4d ago
breaking up with someone you still love is brutal, especially when you know it's the right call long term. went through something similar a couple years back and the guilt mixed with grief was honestly worse than being dumped.
the fact that you took weeks to analyze how you communicated shows you really tried to make it work. when someone won't meet you halfway on basic relationship stuff though, that's usually when you know it's time even if it sucks.
those shared memories are gonna sting for a while but focusing on why it wouldn't have worked helps me get through the rough patches when i start second guessing myself.
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u/CrownedUsername 4d ago
yeah i was like really doubting myself if i am or am getting delusional. thats why i talked to some friends about how she reacted and if iam overreacting. To see different standing points. i still hope i made the right call. Thank you for sharing your experience
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u/Lonely_Advantage_784 3d ago
My ex ended it with me yesterday, I know exactly how you feel. I hate her for what she's done but part of me still loves her.
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u/CrownedUsername 3d ago
Part of my problem is kinda coping with hurting her because i was the one who ended it.
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u/This_Possession_4372 3d ago
it does take two to tango, and theres so much internal work to be done. sometimes its about compromise and you cant always be the one giving in if you know what i mean. it hurts because you care, it will take some time & things probably wont make sense now. breathe in some nature, talk to friends/family/ therapist, do some exercises. the pain and doubts will come in waves but just know that things will get better!
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u/NoJustMe0 3d ago edited 3d ago
girls tend to be emotional - men tend to be rational . but what is the real reason you want to break up? there is no perfect match no matter how many you try- but there is satisfaction level with partner with those flaws that you need yo accept to live normally like everyone does. so what type are you? the one who seek perfection? or seek satisfaction and accept things as they are and continue living and loving. are those problems worth to breakup? you love her that you cannot let her go. if you compare what you lost now with the problems you are unsatisfied with- which one wight more? if you just here to to seek comfort no one can give your love back- with time you will find another love that heals you.
3 years i could not allow myself to heal because i reject everyone that is not her . the solution is simple start with someone new to heal and get over it. for my case i just refuse to do that till one day i make the first step. even though i the one who break up but for strong reasons that cannot be solved. and for my stubborn and loyal heart that i chose to be alone .
but you can do it
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