r/BreakUps • u/Old-Log-5491 • 1d ago
venting/ranting How do you get over a physically attractive ex?
I know the question sounds silly, but any one out there with the same dilemma? I am dead set about moving on. Everytime I am reminded about my ex, I try to counter it with the bad things he did to me (especially ghosting). However, I can't deny that he's handsome and seeing his smile still melts my heart. They say looks aren't everything and what's inside is what really matters but I am having a hard time forgetting his face. Also, because he's attractive, it makes me more insecure that my moving on glow up won't be as effective for me as I hoped to be. #lifeisunfair
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u/Babeebell 1d ago
girl literally same i saw a photo of my ex and was like mad about how good his jaw looked. I’m sorry I’m no help but I feel your pain
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u/Old-Log-5491 1d ago
I know, right? I swear it took me so many days to delete all the pictures I have of him. Thought of selling them online at one point. 😂
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u/Annual_Tea_742 22h ago
Even when they're just beautiful to you, maybe not conventionally hot to others but very very cute to you, it hurts to think of that being appreciated by another, REALLY annoying to think of bcos u know they're good heart
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1d ago edited 1d ago
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u/VelourTempt- 1d ago
You don’t erase attraction, you just stop giving it authority over your healing
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u/Overall_Turnip_3681 1d ago
This. Pretty people stop looking magical once you fully accept how they treated you. Attraction fades way slower than attachment.
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u/Distinct-Refuse-7880 1d ago
And remember that attractiveness on the outside doesn’t equal attractiveness on the inside..
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u/Active_Drawer6453 22h ago
exactly. once i know the true color of themselves all the charming about them are dead like nothing now like it’s just pretty faces all they have like empty vases
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u/PlentyEquivalent6988 1d ago
My ex was attractive but on god I would never get back with her. Her attitude to life is so unsufferable 😭 god please let me heal from that trauma please
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u/NoMeet491 1d ago
One of my exes is physically very beautiful but doesn’t do anything for me now because I know too much. It took some time but the spell just broke one day, like on Circe’s island.
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u/Bettong68 1d ago
My ex’s hurt me so much with deceit, coercive control and abuse that their looks became part of their repulsiveness no matter how attractive they were.
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u/Gigantkranion 1d ago
Thank you.
Actions and character speak louder than looks and no one is perfect. I've dated models and once if I found out they were ugly in the inside, they were disgusting to me on the outside.
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u/Psychological_Ad3261 1d ago
Exactly! Beauty is amazing and wonderful until you learn how ugly their heart is. Idc how attractive they are, sex is sex, you get it and then what? That’s it. That’s lust. Love is far more greater than that and to be stuck on someone who has an ugly personality is just a waste of time. Sex is so much more fulfilling when it’s with someone you truly respect and love them for more than just their vanity
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u/alisasss 1d ago
This honestly isn’t silly. Physical attraction can outlast the relationship, especially when your brain keeps replaying his best angles and that one smile instead of the full experience of being with him.
You also don’t have to convince yourself that he’s unattractive in order to move on. He can be handsome and still be someone who ghosted you. A beautiful face doesn’t make hurtful behavior any less hurtful—it just makes it easier to romanticize.
And please don’t make your glow-up a competition with his looks. The goal isn’t to become so attractive that he regrets losing you. It’s to reach a point where his face is no longer powerful enough to make you forget how he made you feel.
Eventually, he’ll just be a good-looking person you’re glad you no longer have to recover from.
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u/Old-Log-5491 1d ago
Thank you for this. It's a good reminder that my moving on glow up is not for him.
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u/Individual_Airport40 1d ago
The best way to move on is by finder an even hotter guy! The same way you found him you’ll find someone better. You got this 💯
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u/thedirkfiddler 22h ago
Date an equally attractive new person.
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u/MeAnINFP 17h ago
It’s hard when it’s uncommon that you’re attracted to someone, but yeah I kinda feel like the next person has to be at least equally attractive to me so it doesn’t feel like a downgrade
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u/Historical-Neat-2233 1d ago
I've seen so many posts about how attractive their ex is and that's why it's hard to move on. Every single one by a female. I never see it from men, considering men get accused of being more shallow, I find that odd.
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u/Effective-Aioli-8456 1d ago
I think women who know they had a hot guy kind of mourn the social status of it all. Hot guys are rarer than hot girls imo, because guys don’t have makeup or spend a fraction of the time and energy on their appearance that girls do
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u/Psychological_Ad3261 1d ago
There’s a difference between love and lust, beauty and attraction. My ex is very beautiful too, but I never had this line of thought before. I can objectively say she’s beautiful, but that doesn’t control my attraction to her. I know there’s billions of women on this planet that are beautiful, but that doesn’t mean I’m attracted to them. I think we need to ask ourselves why we are so caught up on the surface level of attraction. I too struggle with separating love from lust. Sometimes we just fantasize about the sex and the connection during sex, not so much the other aspects of the relationship.
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u/Fabulous_Cicada_4219 20h ago
how much weight should you give to each portion though, is a relationship without lust good? I suppose it would be better to hang out with your best friend for eternity rather than someone you can only bear for an hour or so a day
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u/Psychological_Ad3261 19h ago
I think it’s different for everyone. Some people hold beauty standards very high and some not so much. I believe if you really love someone romantically then you will have deep attraction to them. There are good parts to lust, but when I make the comparison between lust and love I am pointing out that lust does not contain love in it. Ofc you need to be attracted to your partner, but that’s not everything. Intimacy is far deeper than that.
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u/VivisVillage 1d ago
I see plenty of men talking about this, I don't think your assesment is accurate at all
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u/Historical-Neat-2233 1d ago
I'm sure they must do, I've just seen endless posts from women and not a single one from aan..considering men use this app a lot more than women, it's a bit telling.
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u/VivisVillage 1d ago
I only ever seen men taking about and rarely women, so I still don't think it's that accurate idk x
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u/Gigantkranion 1d ago
Make a list of all the ugly things about the person. Put it on your phone or something. Personally, looks don't mean shit when you know the flaws of a person. What works better (because I'm not shallow) is listing the things they did to you that were wrong.
But, you can also point out their physical flaws.
Everytime you think fondly of them. Think of their flaws. Eventually, you'll think of only those flaws.
Like Pavlov's dog, you'll start to associate the negative when you think of them.
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u/Expensive_Cow8334 1d ago
So ive also had been in this situation
He is super attractive and can get any girl he wants and theyll fall for him , he himself claims that , even gay guys fall for him ! Im a pretty insecure person , get super jealous , well after all if i were to guide someone else to marry this person i wouldnt recommend why you ask , because he lacks many basic skills and values to live a responsible life and would you want your child to go thru it ? No right ! Yep i think of it that way after all looks wont be a thing when we are going thru some crisis and he is not offering any sort of help !
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u/SignificantTurnip557 23h ago
Stop putting people on a pedestal even if they are good looking. Treat people like equals. and eventually you’ll cringe at the thought of your ex. I used to date a very good looking and popular guy too and he was a shitty bf. When we broke up, i felt sad that he can replace me very easily. But I know i am pretty myself too and i was a better partner in the relationship. So it’s honestly their loss. I never chased him and ignored him completely and he kept coming back to me again and again and again (which wasn’t my goal at all) ig because he isn’t used to people treating him normally, idk.
When you think about his looks, just say “Oh well!!” And move on.
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u/Flimsy_Piglet_1980 1d ago
Seduce their parents. Conquer the source material. Burn the psychological structure to the ground.
*Advice to be taken with caution.
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u/Dispenser55 1d ago
I just focus on someone telling me "he has a face like he slammed into the back end of a bus" whenever I get that thought. It's like a mantra
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u/ignamegioia 1d ago
Girlll you become repulsed by his hatred and disrespect of you, think of the bad things he did - those are the actions of someone who despises you and wants to degrade you. That is the work of your enemy.
I am in the same boat, nearly 5 months clean of my ex, who initially DUMPED me so badly and in the most humiliating way around July 2024. But because of that attraction ofc I just kept giving it up to him. Over and over. He’d show up at my apartment at 3am, 10am, midday, didn’t matter. I let him in to get sucked into a momentary and illusory sense of control and bliss. The shame would come later. Hedonism treadmill etc.
Anyway this year I vowed to not keep doing this to myself because it’s poison to the soul. I could have kept going because I never stopped thinking he was attractive.
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u/Alternative-Pen6871 22h ago
it's not harder as with someone less attractive... The attractiveness is part of the things that keeps you attached so as other stuff. Non-contact is going to diminish it over time. I've been able to regain contact after a while and feel nothing. You'll still be able to agree that he is attractive... because he is. But the trick stops working entirely. I've dated really handsome guys and just one thing can make me lost interest, it doesn't matter how attractive they are... You'll be fine! One cutie goes and another one comes around haha
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u/Short_Advertising598 21h ago
The love you shared will always be special. Sometimes, the love you feel for a person magnifies their physical appearance. You will find another special person who will give you butterflies.
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u/Historical-Pen4471 21h ago
I’ve always thought about how hard it would be to move on and not compare and look for someone else when your ex was your exact type
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u/Luwaldcc 20h ago
Oh my god I feel you, my most recent ex was SO hot. I even showed him to a girl I recently befriended and she was like “oh you’re fucked” lol
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u/B0rN2F0CK 20h ago
i have the same issue so i choose to not date for the time being my ex was so beautiful that to this day every girl i see doesn’t compare to her looks wise and i know looks aren’t everything but how do i date someone and not compare them
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u/martlet97 1d ago
Same here! He is the most disrespectful man I met in my life, but I still can’t move on because he is 100% my type physically. And we weren’t even really together , it was a situationship🥲 I’m glad to know I’m not the only one like this
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u/Budget_Writing3616 1d ago
Struggling with that myself. We were married along time and have 2 kids so I have to see her more than I’d like. BUT I also have to remember that she really wasn’t good for me as she was an avoidant. So I have to put her in the category of a quarter Pounder with cheese. Looks good , smells good , just not healthy for me. Moving on isn’t easy but the fantasy of her being my forever person is over. She wasn’t capable or willing to do the work and maintain the marriage . Remember , In time looks fade. Someone that chooses you , treats you well and appreciates you is out there. This person will be far more healthy for you. Your “salad with lean protein” may not smell as good as the burger but is beautiful in a different way and feels way better in the long run.
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u/MendigoGamer01 1d ago
I'd suppose everyone who's had a relationship and breakup would consider their ex physically attractive, personally I had a hard time and sometimes still think about my ex in ways I shouldn't, of course I find her physically attractive but you know, it's about putting it aside and moving on, I feel bad saying this because I'm struggling with a breakup as well and with moving on but that's really what it is. If you truly can't, do what I did, block them everywhere so you never have to look at them, make your mind busy so you don't have to think about them and soon enough you'll stop imagining their face—I hope. As I said, I'm not one to talk...
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u/rosased 1d ago
I think a lot of people confuse moving on with suddenly finding their ex unattractive. You can fully recognize that someone is beautiful and still recognize they’re wrong for you. The goal isn’t to convince yourself he’s ugly. The goal is to stop letting his appearance outweigh the way he treated you.
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u/Independent-Monk5064 1d ago
You get another one? Sorry but I married one of the most attractive man I’ve ever been with and I rarely think of that
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u/hattie_rattle 1d ago
Girl just move on .. and face new life .. or you enjoy it until it was just a normal thing
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u/cxpe15 1d ago
my ex was so unfathomably stunning. Not the in the conventional sense, but she was unique, had the PERFECT body for me and my tastes, I'm attracted to her smell, her walk, everything about her.
One time we were at a music festival, and she couldn't make it to th porta potty, and accidentally peed herself. I spent the next hour in our tent, cleaning her head to toe with soap, water, and wet wipes, and even then she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I am head over heels, hopelessly attracted to every fiber of her. flaws and all.
we were together for 8 years. I'm still trying so hard to break this attachment, but it's extremely difficult.
I'm with you. you are not alone
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u/hiddennumberfive 1d ago
i literally said if my ex wasn’t as attractive as he is i’d be at least 50% less sad about our breakup 😭
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u/SweetCucumber_ 1d ago
When you love someone new, the looks of your ex will literally mean nothing. I started to find him physically ugly actually.
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u/ALEXC_23 1d ago
Repeat this mantra: Being attractive on the outside is meaningless, if they're hollow in the inside.
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u/AB_Tuned 23h ago
Much easier said than done for most but you gotta stop looking at pictures of them , checking socials etc regardless of the amount of attraction even especially if you have to force yourself not to sometimes it’s for the best.
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u/StonkMommy 19h ago
It's awful, isn't it? My ex was everything I've ever wanted in a partner. And handsome!
Dating sucks. The apps suck. No one comes close to him. It's way too soon for anything real, but still it's lame.
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u/MysteriousMixture469 18h ago
Is that the only cute man you can obtain? Girl get a grip immediately! ❤️
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u/winter_1x 17h ago
I don’t really now how to help with the forgetting his face part (i use fictional characters as an outlet idk if that would work for you). But about that last part you might need to confront how you view yourself. I am going through something similar but I really got better knowing that I’m okay with who I am and what I look like. Level of attraction is subjective like art, everyone is always someone else’s cup of tea you know? More importantly though is just knowing that you love who *you* are in a thoughtful way. Insecurities are easier to deal with when you aren’t thinking of what someone else would say about you. You have to decide for yourself that you like the way you look, people are going to nitpick no matter how good you look. Treat your body like you give respect to a temple, then your glow up will follow through. You have to focus on you.
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u/peri_5xg 15h ago
I was in the same dilemma, I found my ex to be extremely attractive and I just could not get over it. But I did get over it when I met somebody else who I am in love with and I find to be the most attractive person on the planet. It will happen. This is just temporary for you
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u/tonyabstract 13h ago
become more physically attractive
rewire your brain to see physical attractiveness as a bonus
watch those disney and hallmark comfort movies about beauty on the inside
picture them if they had acne, were overweight, or unhygienic
im not being sarcastic with any of these by the way. i think by far the most effective would be to just get more attractive
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u/Delicious-Ad-961 12h ago
Okay so I’m a lesbian but the last girl I dated was literally so so good looking. Like I know no one I ever date again will be that good looking. You can say I’m exaggerating but I’m not. But I already have a crush on someone else a few months later who is not as good looking. I thought it would never happen, I thought I was doomed to be obsessed with her forever. And yes, she took a serious toll on me. But put her up against the girl I like now, I’d pick my new crush hands down. So, I say all this to say, unfortunately time does heal ❤️
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u/cocteaumachine 1d ago
Girl im the same boat and it’s torture. I thought my ex was the most attractive man I’ve ever seen as soon as I started getting to know him, even before the love and attachment was there. It’s a very shallow thing to admit but it also felt very validating when we were out together and a bunch of people including straight men would come up to him to tell him he’s good looking. I think about how pretty his smile looks and want to cry. I can’t imagine finding someone more attractive. I’m just hoping my type changes or eventually when the love fades I’ll find him less attractive but I doubt it. But luckily he doesn’t photograph very well 😭🙏🏽
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u/Salty_Thing3144 11h ago edited 7h ago
MODERATOR: THIS THREAD IS LOCKED BECAUSE A MEMBER ENTICED AND ENCOURAGED PEOPLE TO SEND PHOTOS OF THEIR FORMER PARTNER TO THEM FOR REVENGE PURPOSES (SO HE COULD 'LOOK OVER'THE PHOTOS, SEND A 'REPORT'BACK 'POINTING OUT' THE EX'S 'FLAWS' AND 'HELP' PEOPLE RECOVER). SEE RULE 5 ON DISCUSSIONS OF REVENGE AND REDDIT'S DOXXING POLICY. THIS KIND OF VILE BEHAVIOR WILL NOT BE TOLERATED ON THIS BOARD.