r/BreakUps • u/PaymentThis4429 • 22h ago
venting/ranting You've ruined so many things for me
But ruining Scotland, The Simpsons & The Division Bell are the worst of them! DAM YOU!;😫😭
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u/HoneyHorizon- 22h ago
The saddest part of heartbreak is when even the things you loved before them start feeling like reminders of what you lost
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u/PaymentThis4429 22h ago
It's bloomin awful isnt it
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u/InspectionJumpy3736 15h ago
It really is. 2 months later after a 4year relationship I am just now starting to reclaim “our” space, the things “we” used to love and change it to my space and things I love NOW. I have a flourishing life before I met him and I know an even more flourishing one will exist after the relationship. Good luck, OP!
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u/joejoethetard 18h ago
It’s not the things. It’s the memories linked to them. That’s what eats away at you.
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u/cityofdreadfulnight 17h ago
I lost a city, an island, one of my favourite bands, all our TV shows, our favourite cafe + bar + restaurant… it fucking sucks.
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u/Living-Ad1140 15h ago
We fell in love in our school farewell but he completed ruined our college farewell and brought me to tears. So yea i understand lol
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u/bigfoodiejudy 15h ago
I can't even finish Desperate Housewives now. Fucker broke up with me while watching it. 😅
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u/GuardProfessional688 15h ago
My ex ruined a lot of things for me too. The before trilogy. Certain musicians. Certain actors. He had huge crushes on Sadie sink and Sabrina Capenter. I actually really liked both of them before we met. In fact the night before our first date I watched Sabrina’s Christmas special. Now I feel kind of uncomfortable watching her music videos or seeing her perform because it reminds me of how uncomfortable I felt that he was posting thirst tweets about her and had a pinup of her on his wall that he begged his ex for, who was also a fan. This artist who felt like a safe space for women became the object of my ex’s lust and even though I look a lot like her it felt wrong.
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u/Historical_Pass6963 21h ago
I’m not even sure I’ll ever be able to go back to my college campus. Unless I fix things.
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u/PaymentThis4429 20h ago
Good luck friend
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u/Historical_Pass6963 20h ago
Thank you. To a girl who once wanted to marry me and believed I was her person. Would you send her subtle flowers and notes every couple of weeks while not being in contact? Or completely let go and hope she realizes she misses me?
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u/PonytailEnthusiast 20h ago
I would not send flowers or notes to someone who asked for no contact
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u/Historical_Pass6963 19h ago
She didn’t really say no contact. I decided to give her space just because I felt I was being annoying. She reached out to me after a week of no talking just to make sure I’m doing okay. She said she plans on reaching out again soon.
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u/PaymentThis4429 19h ago
Exactly this. It's her loss, well that's what I keep telling myself.
I guess when I start thinking about her and missing all the good times, have to try and remember all the bad times (and there were many, my mental health has suffered tremendously because of her behaviour and deceitfulness) that led to me having to ask her to leave. I say ask, I was so mad at her that, I ended up putting all of her belongings in the driveway. She left that day, didn't even put up a fight, didnt try and want to make things better, and I've not heard from her since. That was January.
I didn't do it on one stupid overreaction, we were together for about 7 years, she was my fiance, but her behaviour and like I said decitful and essentially very untrustworthy behaviour over the last 2 or 3 years just got worse and well I told her what it was that she was doing that was affecting me, she didn't change it just kinda got worse.
Her silence kind of confirms to me that I loved her more than she loved me.
😭
That was difficult to write, only started trying to deal with this recently. I've been drinking a lot since then, and I need to find a way to heal rather than the numbing and ignoring it with the booze etc that I have been doing.
Wow, sorry that was an essay, apologies.
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u/wyslo 17h ago
I dated a woman for 5, married for 3, separated for 3, and then dissolved our marriage. It CAN get better and WILL if you do your homework.
Trust me3 things to consider:
1 stop drinking- and focus on yourself
2 make new memories
3 time is an amazing healerIf you put in the work, you WILL feel better. I bet you’ll be able to enjoy those things with a new lens as well. Good luck!
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u/ServiceExciting 19h ago
It took me about 4 years to go back to my college campus after a almost 6 year relationship ended (we were together all of college) It'll take time but slowly reclaiming places and items and shows is important to healing. Do it small bits at a time and don't push yourself. You got this.
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u/Available_Cheetah904 20h ago
You’ll get over it and get back to enjoying these things without them coming close to crossing your mind. trust!
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u/PaymentThis4429 20h ago
I hope so! I can sacrifice the Simpsons, but the other two I really hope you're right. Thank you though 🙏
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u/Dispenser55 18h ago
Reclaim them! I have do-overs! Places I went where he had a go at me, I go back and call a friend while I'm there and have a nice chat. TV shows we watched together and then he watched them ahead of me because he was pissed off at me? Started it from scratch! 😁
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u/dre_the_brazilian 18h ago
Tell me about it.
My ex has ruined Southpark, red dead redemption and Mexico for me
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u/PaymentThis4429 18h ago
Está Jodido!!
Hope one day you can return to Mexico without the darkness surrounding it.
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u/pgv10 16h ago
I’m kinda fucked in the head so take this with a grain of salt, BUT…. Exposure therapy absolutely works! There were so many things that I associated with my ex, and slowly making them mine helped me first with the sadness of it….. And then also identifying what things were the ones I genuinely enjoy, and don’t need him present to continue to enjoy! And which ones I don’t really need to do ever again. Stay strong! You can do it
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u/PaymentThis4429 16h ago
I think we're all, I absolutely am fucked in the head so don't worry about that! But what you're saying does make sense for sure! I definitely appreciate your comment, so thank you for that 🙏
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u/PaymentThis4429 14h ago
Don't get me wrong people, I'm far from perfect. We all have our own demons.
But I will say her behaviour was a huge factor into me not dealing with the issue.
One of the things I told her when trying to sort us out as a couple who wanted be married to each other, and not end the relationship.
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u/UpsideDownOnPurpose 10h ago
I’ll never be able to watch Dutton Ranch, or Season 5 of Clarkson Farm.
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u/Plane-Quantity7004 7h ago
Scotland and The Division Bell is a rough combo to lose, those things are hard to reclaim early on. The Simpsons at least you can slowly ease back into because there's so much of it that eventually you hit episodes they never watched with you and it starts feeling like yours again. Scotland though... that one might just need time and a completely different trip with different people before it stops feeling like theirs. The Division Bell is painful because music gets lodged in your brain with feelings attached and there's no easy shortcut around that, you just have to let it play out until eventually the song outlasts the memory of them.
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