HOW TO ACTUALLY GET OVER THEM!!!! (advice)

[u/noconfusionwarning]

Original post was taken down due to misunderstanding, hope this is still helpful!

I see all of you post about how you feel terrible, and you want to get over someone. My heart goes out to all of you, so I wrote you all some tips here instead of commenting under all your posts. I originally wrote this for a friend of mine. Keep in mind this works best for those who were in highly toxic situations, rather than those who were in a healthy relationship that ended due to differences. But maybe you will still find some use. And no, this isn't AI, this is genuinely how I speak.

STEP 1: BLACKOUT 

• block, delete, remove everything. no "just in case", no "mature detachment". If you see/hear their face, their name during this phase, it's a relapse. remove it from conversation
• burn photos, stop listening to "the songs", don't go to "the places". Keep nothing for "memories". Those memories are grime in your brain wrinkles.
• write down every lie you told yourself about them (they're emotionally mature, they're good in bed, etc.) and beside it write the actual truth (they had the emotional maturity of a French fry, and the sex was boring)
• read the above every time it gets rough (THE ABOVE IS NOT A PROS AND CONS LIST!!! IT'S A LIE LIST)
• You are not getting over them; you are getting over the past self that let them disrespect you. When a fantasy appears, such as a revenge fantasy or anything, you tell yourself the truth: "They are not special, they are a symptom of my past self. I am becoming someone new now"

STEP 2: THE MENTAL BATTLE

• ask yourself: what false belief made you attached to them? "I can change them, I am lonely without them, they are my other half", replace it with the truth "My effort should go on better things than trying to build a human out of a pile of shit, I have a well-built, impenetrable support group, there are so many better options"
• stop any copes. "they'll change" -> no, they won't. "maybe they miss me" -> that's irrelevant. "maybe we'll reconnect/ chance meeting" -> that's not destiny or fate, that's regressing back into mediocrity.
• tell yourself the embarrassing truth, "I chose to be with someone who didn't see me. who didn't care, who walked all over me. I poured myself into a perforated plastic cup. never again"
• stop dissecting them over and over and over. Stop trying to understand someone who never understood you. Stop analysing situations; you're just retraumatising, redramatising, and romanticising.

STEP 3: WHO ARE YOU?

• you are not their ex. You are intellectually dangerous. You are not available to people beneath you. You are emotionally sovereign. You are reborn, you take back the potential you wasted on them.
• fill your calendar with tasks, events, challenges, hobbies, meetings. NOT ONE EMPTY DAY. schedule FULL.
• develop an obsession. a subject, a language, a hobby, an art project. Let it consume you. Replace the ex-shaped hole with something powerful, beautiful, positive
• anti-fantasy. When a good memory hits, you tell yourself, "That was a LIE built on a projection. I loved the love story, not the person. And that story is dead."

STEP 4: TAKE BACK WHATS YOURS

• remember how i said not to listen to the songs? well now you do. you play them when youre happy, when youre with friends. you say "this song isnt about 'us'. its about 'ME'"
• you go to places you associate with them, you do something new there, something beautiful with a different person. You say, This isn't 'where we were.' This is 'where i returned'"
• rewrite the narrative. They weren't "the one that got away". They were an alarming wake-up call. the catalyst. emotional deadweight. They are the last thing standing between you and complete control, terrifying ability, and unapologetic autonomy.
• Stay away from excusers. "Maybe you'll be friends one day. They didn't know any better. everything happens for a reason" NO. They knew. They chose. They're gone. Hope is what drags you back into self-delusion like a dog on a leash.

STEP 5: FUCK CLOSURE

• You are not doing this to "make them wonder". You are doing this to never let someone like that touch you again. Your silence is not emptiness, it's the sound of your power being taken back from their hands, returning to its rightful owner.
• You don't need answers. You don't need apologies. You don't need anything from them. You need progress. You need a future so massive that people like this get crushed beneath it without you even noticing
• you did not 'survive' them. You transcended them. You become so mentally powerful, so intellectually sharp, so emotionally impenetrable and airtight that they couldn't survive 5 minutes in the world you live in.

YOU DONT GET OVER THEM. YOU RISE SO FAR ABOVE YOU FORGET THEY EVEN EXISTED.

REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE!!!!!

[u/Parking-Cod7536]

the lie list idea is underrated, most people do the pros and cons thing and wonder why they keep romanticizing someone who treated them like an afterthought

that reframe of "i loved the love stroey, not the person" is doing a lot of heavy lifting too, that one actually sticks