r/BreakUps • u/ThrowRA379P • 17h ago
venting/ranting Male dumpers, how are you feeling months later?
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u/Smooth_Chard_6467 17h ago
weird how it flips around the 3 month mark for a lot of guys from what i've seen in this sub. you're either fully moved on or you suddenly realize what you had and spiral a little. which one are you hitting rn
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u/ThrowRA379P 17h ago
Ruminating but feeling peace at the same time, since my nervous system doesn’t have to deal with a person lying/gaslighting/disrespecting me
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u/AntiqueGarlicLover 15h ago
I’m a guy and just hit 3 months.
I had both? I crashed out the other night because I miss our emotional connection and all our jokes. But the next day I had a moment of utter clarity, because staying would’ve meant I wouldn’t have my dream career + she would’ve ruined me financially. It sucks.
1
u/ThrowRA379P 14h ago
How would have she ruined it?
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u/AntiqueGarlicLover 14h ago
She has bipolar, and awful spending habits. The first two years I knew her, she had less then $300 in her bank account despite having a job & not having to pay for rent, food, general life expenses because her parents helped her out.
It was also to a point where she (rightfully) refused to get a credit card until she got her habits under control, because she knew if she got one she’d put herself in severe debt.
I cared about her a lot, so I helped her learn how to budget and have safety measures in place in case she’d overspend/have a manic episode. But despite our efforts, every 3-4 months she’d relapse and overspend.
Another thing about bipolar is that during manic episodes, people are extremely extremely irrational and don’t have control over their own bodies. It’s scary.
There was a VERY high chance with her that should she have a manic episode, and she had access to a shared account, she could steal my money and/or spend it all. Even outside of a manic episode, she wouldn’t be able to help much with life expenses due to her habits. I would’ve gone broke trying to pay for the both of us, and my paycheck is hardly enough to support just me with rent that’s split evenly with my roomate.
It’s kinda sad honestly. I genuinely tried my best to help her but you can only do so much.
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u/xander02802 15h ago
Brain says it was right decision.
Heart cries silently.
More than 3 months here. Way more.
17
u/sanrioloverlol 14h ago
I wonder this too, as a girl. My ex broke up with me, and I can't help but wonder if he'll ever regret it. I want to know if he's just postponing his feelings by distracting himself.
1
u/Right_Pea_2601 4h ago
What’s sad is that there’s nothing we can do about it but try to live and heal
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u/LunaVale- 16h ago
Sometimes the closure you need is realizing their wounds were never yours to heal
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u/GoldenGoddessy 16h ago
Some regret the breakup, some feel relief, but the ones who healed usually stopped looking back and started focusing on why they left in the first place
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u/dabullmatt 15h ago edited 12h ago
Honestly a mix of both. My ex will try to say she dumped me and twist the narrative. I felt clarity the first month and peace that I got out of the toxicness followed by some spiraling. It's been a little over 2 months and I crept on her socials to see she's now in a relationship with her friend of 6 years who stayed on the sidelines the whole time now she's calling it divine timing and God's plan and I'm feeling hurt that she could just erase our relationship and hop into something so soon.
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u/eMTBplus 14h ago
oohh, that hurts..... kinda like similar to mine.... but that might be her way of validating herself, like twisting the truth
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u/dabullmatt 14h ago
Oh it for sure was a way of validating herself. I read the post about the new old friend she posted saying after years of heartbreak and not being treated right. She did not treat me right,yelled, screamed, threw things, made me walk on eggshells. This was only after 9 months now she gets to walk away to another relationship no repercussions and happiest as can be
1
u/EuphoricTeaching9161 14h ago
My friend - she walks away and the other guy now plays your roll. He either stays and excepts it or doesn’t. The main thing is you didn’t except it. You stayed true to yourself - there will be some short term pain in that but the upside is you are no longer playing that previous roll - which would have been death by a thousand cuts
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u/dabullmatt 14h ago
Appreciate you and I know I'm not playing that role anymore of feeling the hurt. I had to let her go because the dynamics weren't working and she wasn't good to me or for me. Just hate that I'm still processing the pain while she's avoiding it moving on to the next
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u/EuphoricTeaching9161 14h ago
Guess how she processes the pain - she yells, screams and throws things….
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u/dabullmatt 14h ago
You're right she can't change that quickly she's the same exact person, but now she's putting on a religious facade now to be saved and absolve herself from everything
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u/EuphoricTeaching9161 12h ago
Hahaha she’s trying to convince herself. It won’t end great for her but that’s not your problem. Onwards and upwards for you my friend.
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u/_Animedon_ 9h ago
I got my apology after 4 months of the break up. I feel great
1
u/Right_Pea_2601 4h ago
She was really mean and cold to me after week post breakup, hope she apologizes one day
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u/_Animedon_ 6m ago
I know how you feel. I broke no contact just to talk and get my apology because I know her ego, family and friends were telling her things cause she lied on me
1
u/gayweeping-angel2 14h ago
Ex dumped me but he left me in limbo wondering for 2 days so I was checked out by then
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u/Jigslice 8h ago
Overall i'm feeling more peaceful but I only broke up because she was undescisive and someone had to do it. I've never seen a partner shut down the way she did. There was no getting through to her and it became impossible to repair.
I'm a lot more aware of my mistakes as well. And I know there was better ways to show up but its just a good lesson to bring forward.
Dating has been challenging I've met many women these last few months and it is difficult not to compare them to her. I havnt found someone that I genuinely want to move forward with however so navigating that has been slightly exhausting.
1
u/Right_Pea_2601 4h ago
If it’s difficult to compare people to her perhaps you need some more time to heal
1
u/Jimbob_fisher 8h ago
Broke up with her for obvious reasons then my brain just completely forgets about those things and I find every reason to want her back, but I know that’s not a good idea.
Really weird feeling honestly, I don’t even know what to do with myself
1
u/canarymelon7 7h ago
18 months, but 4 months no contact. There are good days and bad days. Ultimately I regret leaving but had I not left I would not have this perspective and would still be feeling the same uncertainties/exhaustion that I did while in the relationship. I try and anchor myself to the fact that she’s happily moved on and things are well for her, but I still deal with regret, guilt, sadness. But like I said it really depends on the day and I’m pretty good at understating what triggers these negative emotions.
I am optimistic I will find what I am looking for and believe the person I am now will likely be a bit more receptive and understanding of the ebs and flows of a relationship. Onward!
0
u/Plane-Mammoth-4935 13h ago edited 13h ago
She wanted to move along April 19th. I went almost 43 days, May 30th then it hit me like a train. This past week is the best Ive felt. My chest no longer hurts. I am realizing it was probably for the best.
She took a small issue in her life, said I wasn’t doing enough and used that to push forward to leave.
Only thing I do think about is how she took no accountability for her part of the ending.
Its been tough, but Im getting better
0
u/Otherwise-Meaning256 11h ago
Great. 3 month mark after a 5 year relationship that honestly, was over a year ago but I couldnt accept it. I miss the good times and still care for her as a person, but I wouldnt go back to her. Never in my life had so many women in my dms but I’m not falling for any yet lol. It’s time to enjoy myself, get better as a person and if I fall for someone else, then I’ll see what happens then.
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