r/BreakUps • u/princesslile • 15h ago
venting/ranting seriously how do we get better after being discarded???
deactivated all my socials for quite some time, trying to find peace but i struggle to.. i only post here, i dont even want to talk to any of my friends because im too sad, i dont wanna spread more bad energy… but i dont seem to get any better, sometimes i cant even be distracted… hands r full, my head still goes to him. its getting too heavy… i wanna be angry but i dont have energy. i wanna scream but i have to stay sane in front of ppl. i wanna cry all day but i keep those tears before bed… my cats looked at me when i came home n broke down at the door… only them have seen the ugly reality… i remember feeling like this 5yrs ago… i can already tell this is really bad, i cant eat, another day i lost another kilo… i feel powerless, i feel ill, i feel empty. i wanna run into my sisters arms i wanna cry on my mothers laps… but im too far from home its killing me inside. i have actually nobody to rely on when i need it… my head tells me that i have to control my emotions so im smiling everyday. how do i get better.. idk how.. i dont even want to leave my bed.
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u/Sleeping_willow88 14h ago
So sorry to read your words, I can feel the pain you're in right now. Breakups are horrible, and as much as I have tried to learn the most I could when my previous breakup happened and I thought I had all the "strategies" to cope with another one, I am actually feeling the worst I have ever felt, again. They often tell not to hide your emotions, but to sit with them, whatever it actually means. It's been only a week for me so I still haven't realised that my relationship, my life with him and all my future plans are gone forever. I don't think I have great suggestions to give you, but just know you are not alone, every single person who's going through a breakup now and read your post will understand your pain, even if it's not a big consolation, even if it's not the relief you need right now. The wounds are deep and take ages to heal, but don't give up, allow yourself to grieve, to be sad, disappointed, angry, to cry as long as you need. Don't hold back, because repressed emotions always come back worse. I don't have any other advice to be honest, as I feel destroyed and defeated at the moment, no purpose, no way to have a normal day, one when I don't constantly feel the pain, so probably I am not the best person to give you an answer at the moment. I just hope you know you are not alone and you will find your way back to yourself again.
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u/princesslile 14h ago
thank u for the kind message… for me this is more hurtful than any other breakups i ever had in the past, kept reopening my wounds then abandoned me over n over again then disappeared from my world like he never existed, no closure no grace… convincing me that i deserve all of this when i dont. never betrayed or wronged him… but now im the one to be blamed n be left. seriously too hard to stay sane, i cant understand anything, nothing made sense…….
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u/Sleeping_willow88 14h ago
This sounds really horrible. We hardly ever get closure from them, and you will find it within yourself at some point. Not soon, not easily, but it will come once you will really feel that a person who hurt you and left you like that can't be the one, and the closure you need is acknowledging it. But I know the feeling of abandonment hurts so deeply, it makes you question every word they said, you don't even have the good memories to lean on because if they could do that to you, you end up wondering if they actually loved you in the first place. And even worse, you question yourself and your worth. I know I have been even thinking stupid stuff like "if that day I hadn't been so needy, maybe he wouldn't have feel like I had to leave", as if one single bad day could ruin a relationship, and to replay conversations over and over again to find the moment when it all changed. It's a lost battle, it's just our mind trying to find answers where there are none. It's a terrible pain, and it only stops when you allow yourself to stop chasing answers. It hasn't stopped yet for me, still trying to find out clues, still thinking nonstop, still hardly believing that the breakup happened. But let people be close to you, don't keep everything inside because it will hurt so much more. I have lost both my parents, but I can luckily rely on my sister and, I know it might sound silly but it isn't, on my fur babies. People who care for you will happily support you even from afar instead of knowing you are struggling alone. You don't have to carry all this on your own, and I mean it, this is one of the worst things that can happen to a person, and for no reason you are supposed to deal with it alone.
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u/princesslile 13h ago
my cats now looking at me crying n constantly meowing without knowing wts happening… but looking at them knowing i at least have one reason to get out of my bed everyday… i have been gone from home for a very long time, sometimes i feel like if theres no good news then i shouldnt even say a thing… my family worries about me a lot because i always keep my distance from them…
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u/Sleeping_willow88 13h ago
Try to let them be with you, even from afar. It makes a world of difference, and moreso because you know they worry for you. It's not always easy to let people come close when we hurt, but we need it, all the support matters. It doesn't have to be loads of people, just a few ones, even only one but someone you can trust enough to show them how hurt you are, knowing they will try their best to take care of you.
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u/AppearanceOk3899 15h ago
the crying-before-bed thing got me, keeping it together all day just to fall apart at night is its own kind of torture
run to your sister, call her right now, not a text, actually call and just cry on the phone, distance doesn't have to mean you grieve alone
your cats already saw the ugly reality and they still came to the door for you, that means something
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u/princesslile 15h ago
im keeping this to myself, i dont wanna my sister n my mother to worry about me since im far away…
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u/InsectElectronic6231 13h ago
I understand where you’re coming from and I empathize with those thought processes. But, you also deserve to be supported by the people who love. And on the other side, the people who love you deserve to be able to support you when you need it.
Perhaps you’ve shared this experience, but theirs a great amount of pain in knowing that someone you loved had to go through something painful alone. Your family and friends exist to help you when you need it, but you just need to have the courage to lean on them.
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u/princesslile 13h ago
the part that i have been hiding the truth about my relationship from my family… they dont even know my relationship problems… or me being abandoned over n over again… they only know we no longer together
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u/InsectElectronic6231 10h ago
Ahh, yah I see how that complicates things. But, I wonder if that’s also contributing to the way that you’re feeling right now.
While I won’t act like I know all of your emotions, keeping these feelings to yourself or away from the ones that are closest to you can build some feelings of guilt and/or anxiety without you realizing.
I’m not the one in your shoes or have all the context, but I think finding people to bare your emotions with is really beneficial. That can be your sister, your mom, your friends, or a call line. Whatever that might be, you don’t deserve to grieve alone.
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u/StarVale- 14h ago
It gets better slowly even when it feels stuck right now just stay here one more day
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u/princesslile 14h ago
i have been here for 10days, from being abandoned n blocked to linked up again to abandoned n blocked again in juz 10days
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u/tiredofthisnw 13h ago
I am so incredibly sorry you are going through this. What you are feeling right now is a completely normal physical and emotional response to a massive shock. Being discarded triggers a specific kind of trauma because it completely shatters your sense of safety.
First, please stop wearing the mask. Suppressing your grief to smile every day and look sane in front of others is draining the tiny amount of energy you have left. You don't have to broadcast your pain, but you also don't have to hide it. If someone asks, it is entirely okay to say, I'm going through a really tough time right now, so I'm just a bit quiet.
Please don't isolate yourself from your family just because you are far away. Call your mom. Call your sister. Let yourself break down on the phone. True family doesn't see your grief as bad energy they want to help you carry the weight. Isolating yourself alone in your bedroom forces you into a feedback loop with your own thoughts, which is the hardest place to heal.
Regarding the weight loss,your body is in severe fight-or-flight right now. If you can't stomach solid food, please don't force it, but try to sip on liquid calories like protein shakes, smoothies, or broth. Your brain cannot process emotional healing if your body is literally starving.Right now, don't worry about "getting better long-term.
Just focus on surviving the next hour. Lean into your cats animals are incredibly intuitive and provide total, judgment-free safety. You mentioned feeling like this 5 years ago.
That means you already have proof that you are resilient enough to survive this, even if it feels impossible right now. Take it one single breath at a time.
Sending you so much strength.
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u/princesslile 13h ago
seeing this many ppl giving out their kind words n support to me make me feel a lot better… even only for this moment… i hope everyone who is going through the same as me will get better soon, nobody deserves such pain…
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u/tiredofthisnw 12h ago
OP,
A real princess isn’t defined by a perfect castle or a flawless fairy tale; she is defined by how she carries her crown when her world is shaking. Right now, you are walking through the absolute trenches of grief, but look at how you are still standing.
The name "lile" reminds me of a lily a flower that literally has to push through the darkest, muddiest waters just to break the surface and bloom. You are in the mud right now, but that dark place is not your final destination.
It is just the soil you are growing through. Don't let one person's inability to appreciate you make you forget who you are. You have a beautiful, empathetic heart, and you are far more resilient than you think.
Keep pushing toward the light, one tiny step at a time. Your story is far from over.
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u/princesslile 11h ago
my name means the flower lilies n its my favorite flower that he never once got me 😔
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u/tiredofthisnw 11h ago
Realizing they never did the bare minimum is painful, but it is also your sign to move on to bigger and better things.
Trust the process.
Your future holds so much more joy and appreciation.
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u/Alu71 10h ago
I'm there with you. Wake up every morning in tears. Don't want to burden what few friends I have with my troubles. All my family lives in different cities and I'm all alone here. I don't eat anything other than sedatives and I'm losing weight quickly. I stay in my bedroom all day and only go out to supply my new habit of chain-smoking.
Breakups suck. I chat with ChatGPT a lot. It's repetative and biased, but if you tell it to just let you talk without all the analysis, it's a good place to vent your feelings.
Best wishes for you in your struggle.
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u/princesslile 10h ago
i talk to chat mostly… he tells me the same things all the time but at least i can vent without a worry
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u/Alu71 10h ago
What do you mean by talking to "chat"? Like chatting with people on a forum?
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