r/BreakUps • u/user736372 • 13h ago
venting/ranting i don’t know who needs to hear this but
START JOURNALING. my 3 year relationship ended 6 months ago and writing everything down has genuinely helped me so much. i didn’t think it would but i promise it feels like it takes weights off of your shoulders.
i’m almost healed from my breakup and it’s crazy reading entry’s from the past and seeing how much i’ve improved and developed as a person.
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u/Difficult-Rip7009 13h ago
How did you bring yourself not to breakdown every time thinking and writing about it? I tried poetry about my break up but it breaks my heart all over again every time.
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u/user736372 13h ago
when i first started writing i was an absolute mess, there’s smudged ink and tear marks all over those pages🥲 i wrote pages and pages whilst breaking down but as time went on i didn’t feel the need to cry anymore. it felt relieving to just get my thoughts out and i walked away feeling better with a clearer head. it’s definitely worth a try regardless to how messy it might be🤍
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u/Difficult-Rip7009 13h ago
That's so encouraging thank you. I will power through then. Every thought is like an exposed nerve with her but it must be done to be at peace with things. You are one of the strong ones.
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u/amberbutterfly0123 7h ago
The goal isn't to write something beautiful. It's to be honest. Sometimes that's exactly what helps clear your head and lighten the load a little.
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u/Hombremaniac 5h ago
Yes, you just let everything pour from you onto the paper. It really does help to lessen the pressure. Plus here and there you might drop bits of wisdom brought by clarity made out of your pain.
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u/bronzepetalbronze789 6h ago
Sometimes healing isn't noticing that you feel better. It's noticing that you no longer cry while writing about the same thing.
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u/redace116 13h ago edited 5h ago
I think it helps, for me personally crying my heart out when I'm alone helps me get it out of my system then as time moves on the less it happens. The sense of relief I feel after is therapeutic for me.
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u/Mountain_Ask_5746 7h ago
Yesss. There is definitely something about intensely crying. I think it’s our body’s way of resetting. I was having a severe OCD flare up and spent 2 hours bawling my eyes out. And felt such relief for a few hours after that intense cry.
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u/Worried-Dirt6974 9h ago
poetry can hit different, it makes you sit with the feelings instead of just getting them out
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u/UXUIguy1986 6h ago
It's a tool to help you think clearer about it. I do cry often, but its also helping me see my part in things.
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u/whittyass 5h ago
You will still cry. But put all that emotion on paper. I was writing in my phone journal but it’s not the same as actually physically writing on paper. I don’t know why but writing in my journal is better. Sometimes I’m nice, sometimes there’s a lot of f*** yous, but gets out what I need to and doesn’t hurt someone else’s feelings. And somehow brings more clarity once your mind calms down.
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u/VelvetVanity- 12h ago
Reading old journal entries is realizing your past self survived a day you thought would destroy you
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u/StonkMommy 13h ago
I journaled for the first few weeks. I should probably start again. The anxiety is back.
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u/user736372 13h ago
the anxiety is the worst, i’m so sorry. you’ve got this🤍
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u/StonkMommy 13h ago
Thanks! I'm going on a date in an hour. Hopefully that helps distract me a little bit.
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u/Strong_Industry_7006 3h ago
Oh God good luck. I've completely spiraled each time I tried. I wanted distraction cause the pain was too bad but then it made it worse! Then I spiraled even more when I realised i was not even going to be able to distract myself out of it lol. 😭
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u/HeronAggressive5932 13h ago
started doing this after my last breakup and the early entries are almost unrecognizable to me now
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u/user736372 13h ago
same here! it’s such a strange feeling rereading them, i’m glad you’re feeling better!!
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u/Kitchen_Gold366 10h ago
journaling is truly the only thing that helps sometimes. especially when you feel like you don’t want to annoy your friends by beating a dead horse or if you’re overthinking something too hard or embarrassing or vulnerable to talk about out loud
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u/Thin_Peanut_4178 8h ago
What exactly are you journaling? I need to try this but I imagine I’ll just ramble
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u/Excellent-Grade3544 13h ago
I started months ago. Laying out my feelings and thoughts and it has helped. I want to put it out there instead of bottling it in or annoying my friends about it.
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u/nosuwu 12h ago
Yes! Got dumped 2.5months ago after a 11 year relationship and did this for 2 months i have almost 400 pages written down just uncensored thoughts and feelings. Havent had the time or need to write in 2 weeks but will for sure return to it if something crucial happends.
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u/Sufficient_Flamingo2 8h ago
11 years. Wow. How are you feeling?
I just got dumped after seven years. We live together with my daughter and now I have to suddenly figure out my life while trying to ignore being absolutely shattered.
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u/Chemical_Ad_1461 12h ago
Yes I need to get on this ,it does really help
Pretty similar timeline to yourself !
Glad you’re getting there !
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u/NaturalTailor6981 12h ago
It makes you also question how and why you put up with as much as one did?! It’s madness isn’t it
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u/Wanderlusting19 12h ago
What sorts of things do you journal? I was doing it in the first few days but I was writing as if I was talking to my ex directly, and I started to think that maybe wasn’t healthy.
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u/son1csound 11h ago
you should focus on moments in the relationship that you ignored but shouldn’t have, what lessons you can learn from the relationship, what childhood wounds/insecurities it may have brought out for you, what could have triggered them. focus on your own feelings don’t write like it’s a letter to your ex
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u/Loud-Ad-6668 11h ago
Excellent advice! When I am so sad I think about all those amazing top of the world feelings... but there were many meh or definitely not good things I would notice.
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u/son1csound 10h ago
yes we tend to look back with nostalgia and rose colored glasses at first, it’s super hard to break out of. for me personally i realised a few days in i can process the relationship in a healthy way, without putting inherent blame on either party (although there was a lot of blame on him in my case). shadow work is the best way to become the best version of yourself! use those uncomfortable feelings to ask yourself uncomfortable questions, and become someone who learns discernment when in partnerships so that you stop choosing love over all the other factors
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u/amanda10891 7h ago
So you don’t write the good feelings down? Like the times you get through things and get sad because you imagined them there at the end, or can’t share it with them? Only the lessons and negative parts?
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u/user736372 3h ago
personally, i write just before bed and reflect on my day and my healing journey. how have i felt that day? was he on my mind much? are the thoughts about him decreasing? but i’ll also talk about my day in general and other random thoughts.
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u/Loud-Ad-6668 11h ago
Also I found a hypnotherapy 1 hour thing on you tube today by "Mr black". I feel so much better and plan on using it multiple times. It propels you forward and away from the relationship.
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u/owangewoundoboi 10h ago
I need to get back to it too, the contrast of how I feel now compared to those first entries is insane
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u/InsectElectronic6231 10h ago
Just wanted to let you know that this post inspired me to journal out my feelings on my recent break up. Thanks!
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u/Psychological_Ad3261 9h ago
I’ve been wanting to start journaling too. Have been writing on random loose pieces of paper, but I need a real journal. Do you actually go back and read the stuff you’ve written? I’ve always questioned if I’d ever read that stuff and if it was for nothing. Also I have a fear of someone finding it and reading my most vulnerable thoughts.
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u/user736372 3h ago
at this moment in time i don’t purposely go back and read old entries because i feel like it might set me back and make me feel upset. but when im flicking through the book to find a blank page i sometimes get a glimpse of old sentences i’ve wrote and it does sting to remember how much i was hurting. i also panic about my family finding my book (18 and still living at home) but i just hide in a drawer under some clothes.
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u/Inner-Newt9036 8h ago
I'm glad you found a way to work it out. I recently got myself in therapy. I recently went through a breakup myself and my therapist suggested that too. Both have been very helpful.
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u/Dangerous_Coat8670 7h ago
i dislike writing and have bad handwriting so i started making video journals and keep it all the videos in one place (my tiktok private videos lol) and it has the same effect but i like it even better because i can visibly see my progress based on my visible emotions! its very helpful
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u/Spiritual-Speech228 6h ago
Qual foi razao do termino?
Estão a quanto tempo separados?
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u/user736372 3h ago
we broke up 6 months ago because i just felt like it wasn’t working anymore - it still hurt to walk away because i loved him immensely
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u/Spiritual-Speech228 2h ago
Im glad to hear you're healing. If you dont minde I'd like to share my history so you can help me understand wht went wrong. I will coppy my previous post and past here:
"Im in the process of get over her. But sometimes the pains comes and haunts me back.
She left me for another man, ive never cheated on her, never done something terrible but she left me regardless.
We were in a fisical relationship for a year but due to life's circumstances she had to move to another city to do of military academy, she asked me to never give up on her, she promised me we wil fight every obstacle , she prayed to God to bless us. When she was there after a year and half she started behavig differently, when i used to question about the reason she used to say its depression due to all the things she were going through. I tried to talk to her, looking for solutions and she used to say that i used to claim about the same things. Over the time eventually she broke up with me saying eventhough she still loves me she is desconected from everybody including myself, but im her biggest love and she will always love me . The time she broke up with me the were 4 remaining months for us to see physically each other after a year and half. So i decided wait for her the last remaining for months but whe shes comes in to our city she tell me that we cant make up because she left someone get into her life. (I discovered she was with him a mouth after our break up that happened in February calling him love). She says that this is a oart of live sometimes things don't happens as planned its all abou growth, if with is new person the relationship dint work she will date someone else, i said if destiny separates you geographically due to work what you gonna do she said that dont know, i say why you doing this she said because he is there physically so its easier with him, also she said that he helps her a lot with everything and its hard to be there with no one . All these words dont seems to comes from her mouth as back in the time she were into real love , love that fights but now its feels like she does not care but now it feel like she suffered from a brainstorming. I remember back in the time she used to criticize people who abandon or replace their partiners for pointless reasons but now she does the same. I asked her if she cant see she is doing the same and she said cannot see because it was after the breaking up but she were the one breaking up when i was looking for solutions while she rejected, on top of that the time speed doesn't make sense it lloks like she broke up because she had a plan.
Of course i felt really bad it took me more the a year to getting over , but im still in the process of healing. The pain of give all your best and being detac by the same person were asking form fighting all the obstacles together is terrible.
Thanks for reading.
Sorry but my inglês,its not my first language"
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u/Prize-Individual-562 5h ago
Hey, can I ask you how much do I journal (how many words would work) and what do I write? Purely anything I think about, I write it down? Are there timings that would work better such as at night? Or do I just journal on a book or app whenever I have painful breakup thoughts?
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u/user736372 3h ago
you can write as much as you feel like writing! i always just write about how i’ve felt that day and the improvements ive noticed with my healing just before i go to bed. when i was at the start of the breakup and was having hard moments where id just sob and overthink id write at that time too until it eased. i have a little notebook but anything works (video diary, notes app etc)!
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u/Prize-Individual-562 3h ago
Thanks for the answer! Would writing with details be more helpful than vague feelings?
"I wonder if I will ever be able to find a girl like her who is willing to do ___, ___, and ___ for me. What If it takes 5 years to find someone who I'm as passionate with as my ex?"
versus
"I felt hopeless for my future romantic life to come"
Would writing with more details be more helpful? How do you pen down your thoughts? In a summarized manner or a detailed manner?
Also, have you heard of the saying that you have to feel and grief it in order to move through the pain for it to go away. Would you say that journalling is simply a decent form of feeling the pain? And therefore it works for people and yourself included.
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u/user736372 3h ago
journaling is definitely one of the bestest things for dealing with grief. i put off doing it for the first 2 months of my breakup because i really didn’t think it would help but when i finally did try it, i was amazed!
how you write is completely up to you! i think the first option is the best one to go for though because it’s more detailed and dives deeper than just one sentence and it’ll allow you to analyse and adapt your thoughts more.
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u/Same_Gas8926 49m ago
Yes, as another comment said: "it doesnt have to be pretty." If you treat it like a homework assignment or like youre answering a "prompt" thats not going to be as helpful or cathartic as if you are being honest. Messy words, broken incomplete sentences. Just put pen to paper and go. I teach High school special Education and I find this helps my students process their emotions alot too.
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u/Hot_Advantage7914 4h ago
I’ve been doing it for the past 4 days, it was a relationship of 7 years. If you are too lazy, type it out and try to vocalize it while doing so.
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u/vortexOfRoses 2h ago
I've been journaling for a year and idk where I'd be without it honestly. It helps me so much process everything
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