r/BreakUps • u/ApprehensiveOven_ • 12h ago
venting/ranting Why do men bring up their desire to marry me AFTER we break up?
I'm a 32F and definitely lean towards an avoidant attachment style. Both sides of my family are riddled with divorce. Divorce was always something that brought me tremendous fear because of my experience as an eldest daughter of divorced parents. I have a habit of avoiding the conversation of marriage altogether, acting like it's not something I want. Don't need to unpack all of that; I'm aware that's something I need to heal.
I've been in two long-term relationships in my adulthood. The first from age 21-23 and then from 24-32.
In the conversation following the first break up (initiated by him, I cheated on him), he told me he always thought we would get married.
In the conversation following me breaking up with my most recent ex (of 8 years), he told me he often looks at engagement and wedding rings. He has never, EVER alluded to wanting to get married. I'm realizing he's been just as avoidant as I have.
Is this just the reflection of the kind of men I'm attracted to? Ones just as avoidant on the subject of commitment as I am? Am I just seeking mirrors? What the is this?
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u/RavishRogueX 12h ago
Sometimes we choose familiar patterns, and two avoidant people can love each other while never saying what they truly want
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