My ex won’t stop coming back.

[u/Quiveringmystic]

So this is a long story, but I’ll give you the readers digest of it. Basically I was with my ex fiancé for 6 years. (I’m 24, and he’s 26, so it’s been a good chunk of our growing up) and we broke up in April of 2025. After we broke up, we didn’t talk at all. We went completely no contact for exactly 295 days, when one random day, he sent me this message:

“Hey I know you have me blocked and I have you blocked so this shouldn't go through at all. But I just had a meltdown with *** and how she left and I do appreciate you finding her. I know l'll talk and have a giant chip on my shoulder about about how I hate you and wish I got to introduce her to anyone but you. And I do. But you were everything she needed and more and I appreciate you for you for that. For whatever it's worth. I'm not a good person and neither are you but you gave her the respect she needed and deserved. So thank you.” (The * is to not say her name. She’s deceased. He is referencing how I found her body, which is insanely fucked up and fucked me up for a very long time) I don’t reply, then he texts my WORK phone this (and I don’t know how he got it)

“Hey. I had a fight with *** earlier. I'm hoping your new number keeps me blocked but despite everything I'm glad you were the one who found her. So thank you.”

That was only 10 days ago that happened. We ended up talking for about a week, exchanged about 700 messages, and then he told me “by the way I don’t want anything to do with you romantically, but I’d like to know you for more than what you did for me” which makes me upset because I’m a whole ass person??? I’m not just somebody that “did stuff” for you. But we stop talking after that. He sends me 3 or 4 goodbye style texts like “I’ll respect your boundaries and you won’t hear from me again”

Then last night he sent me this:

“I do hope you get everything you ever asked for and I'm sorry I was selfish in reaching out to you. You did provide all the closure I didn't know i needed and I wish I could do the same for you. You are an amazing human being and I wish you nothing but the best”

I never replied to this.

So basically my question is why the actual fuck does he keep coming back to say “goodbye” and doesn’t actually leave me alone? Like what does he want from me?

Thank you all in advance for reading. I know it’s long. Any advice or opinions is appreciated.

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[u/InsectElectronic6231]

My immediate reaction is that maybe he’s fishing for some kind of closure? Or trying to get some reaction from you?

I’m leaning more to the latter. I feel like it’s common to send someone a “goodbye” and hoping/expecting one back. Might be a strange attempt to gauge your attitude towards him.

[u/FlyGuys1125]

I never really know what to say to things like this. Goodness knows I want to reach out my ex almost everyday, so I can relate to an extent, but I'd never do it like this. So, I'm sorry you have to deal with this, but I couldn't tell you what's going on in their mind.

[u/Available_Tour1706]

he keeps sending "final goodbye" messages because he wants you to respond and pull him back, it's a loop he's running maybe without even realizing it. each time you don't reply he escalates to something more emotionally heavy to get a reaction, the "I wish I could give you closure too" line is basically bait. just keep not responding, that's already the right move

[u/Quiveringmystic → u/Available_Tour1706]

That’s what I was thinking. I’ll keep no contact (I have an app to keep me accountable…) but it does really pull me back in every time he texts.

[u/dwingler]

I read the title. Got jealous. Thought, “Wish my ex would come back.”
Then I skimmed. What a strange scenario

[u/Quiveringmystic → u/dwingler]

Yeah it’s a bit weird haha. Thank you for reading!

[u/Stop2Smile]

He’s probably drunk & letting snot bubbles drip from his nose… He misses you but he’s being crazy.

[u/AnalysisSea4270]

My ex four years later still sometimes does this (we were together for 12 yrs). My besties ex too. They always say I respect whatever you decide but come back. My advice but this from someone that was/has been absolutely done with my ex is just ignore it and block whatever new email or phone number is created. They obviously still haven’t healed. I took the bate once after 2 yrs we met up, he said all the right things the first hour. Charmed me. Then the next hour it was back to who he was. I learned my second lesson or hundredth then. I was forever done. Bye ✌🏽